I’ve fucked everything up

[OHara1991]

I’ve been with him for almost 16 years, married seven. We have two small children and a wonderful life.

I was getting really down about my weight after the summer and secretly arranged to start ozempic. I hid it because I knew it would be a flat no from him and I wanted to do it any way (which is obviously very selfish of me), I’ve never hid anything before. I did it for around three months, then when he asked me about it one day (if I was taking it) I lied to his face and said I’d only tried it once. Right then I stoped and felt truly terrible, but hoped we would would just move past it, I promised myself to never be such a twat ever again. I don’t know why I lied but after I did I felt I couldn’t go back as it would only be worse, and I essentially ended up fucking gas lighting him. Which makes me a truly terrible person, and I’m shocked I was even capable
of it.

Any way, he found out today, saw it all on my online banking. He is (rightly) distraught, I feel like I’ve sleep walked into fucking up his life, our kids lives and my life.

I don’t really know why I’m posting, will we ever be able to recover from this? I haven’t been able to stop crying I just can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.

Tbh I would too. It needs to handle by a doctor. I would have expected my spouse to see a doctor not doing medication bought random online.
I wouldn't have said no but I would ask for consultations with a clinic to support the treatment.

I wouldn’t have been able to do it, it just would
not have happened. if I’d of come out and said “I’m not asking you I’m telling you”and just went and did it I would have had a very unhappy husband who would be upset, accusing me of being selfish and honestly I think I’d probably be in a similar position to where I am now (him contemplating leaving me). True though I would have more of “AIBU leg to stand on.”

Why are you in this relationship?

OP did it help with weight loss? Did he notice you were losing lots of weight?

@not nobody is encouraging her to buy it, I am completely accepting of her decision however as it is her choice. Not a choice I would make, but I don't need it, she has obviously felt she needed it.

If the OP’s DH was buying viagra off the internet and lying to her about his newly found hardon would people say that was ok? I don’t think so - you've missed the point completely, the point is, that would be his choice, and also his choice to lie.

Ugh! Get off your knees. He’s not your boss or your dad. You made a decision to use a licensed medicine to tackle an issue that was making you unhappy. You weren’t going anything immoral or harmful. You used your own hard-earned money and everyone still got fed and the bills got paid. Tell him to calm down and that it’s exactly this extreme reaction that made you decide to keep your decision private. Does he control your medical care or spending in other ways? Would you feel able to eg get a change of hairstyle or colour without his ‘permission’?

@OHara1991 "him contemplating leaving me" sounds like a no win situation regardless of you were truthful or not, no wonder you didn't get his 'consent'.

He sounds like a complete controlling arsehole.

You don't give up privacy and autonomy just because you are married. If you want to experiment with weight loss medication, that is entirely your own business unless you decide to share that information.

Why do so many of you accept being treated like shit???

well.i think thats only gony be likely if you are both ble to have the conversations that you ultimately tried to avoid.
I didnt particularly think you were "afraid of his wrath" and his final word being the end of the notion. ?
as much as....shite avoidance.Thats hard to come back from because its "i knew disaprove so thot fuck it"..You say your sorry. once.Spell out the broken trust issue now the main event-you gony have to face dealing with -YOU shuldni actual have the final say ...but bit early on. he doesnt get to put you on punishment duty tho.

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

If he checks your phone @OHara1991 make sure you hide this thread

Well said, @AncientAndModern1

I truly cannot imagine kowtowing to anyone in this manner. It's not his fucking business unless and until YOU freely decide to share the information.

Have you been drinking or are you typing in boxing gloves?

No not at all, I have complete freedom to do whatever I like with the exception of weight loss drugs and illegal drugs.

neither. thanks. im just shite at typing i guess

@tolerable

that’s exactly it “I know you disapprove but fuck it”. That’s why he’s so upset.

Your body, your rules. The critical difference between weight loss drugs and illicit drugs are that illicit drugs are…illicit. I’m not sure what old mates hang ups are about weight loss drugs and frankly, don’t care. If you want to lose weight and can’t using more conventional mechanisms (calorie control, exercise etc) fill your boots using weight lose medication. Your body, your rules.

They are hardly the same thing! I have to say if he’s harbouring paranoid fantasies about you being unfaithful to him when you were a teenager, and using them against you all these years later, and you think that he’d threaten to leave you just because you wanted to try to manage your weight with medication, he sounds coercive.Does he have strong opinions about your contraception choices? Would he ‘let’ you take HRT?

Oh and get any form of Botox /fillers anything like that. Which I probably would have gotten if he’d not been against it.

This

Good question re HRT I think if it was prescribed by a doctor then yes he’d be fine, if I were just to order it because I felt I needed it then no.

I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I wasn’t free to say ‘I knew you’d disapprove (of this harmless thing) but fuck it’. I’d feel as if I was in prison.

ultimately -You made your choice. If he hadnt have sprung you-would you stilll be take it?does it wrk?
If he goes he goes....

This would really concern me. My husband had no say whatsoever in my decision to take HRT. He wouldn’t dream of trying to tell me what to do. It wouldn’t even occur to him.

If my husband developed a frowny-faced opinion on whether I wa allowed to eg take HRT I’d laugh at him. And if he kept it up I’d leave.

@tolerable
no I don’t think I would have carried on, I was planning top stop when month three ran out, not because I was at the weight I wanted but I because I felt guilty. I actually stoped two weeks early in the end after he first asked me.