New partner has to work as a tramper, he's stressed and distancing himself

[GiddyOtter]

So my new partner is an HGV driver. He currently works night shifts but his employer has informed him that in 4 days time he will be a tramper (living on the road in his wagon). I don't drive and have a daughter from a previous relationship so I can't just go to meet him when he's on a break.

What advice would you give to someone in my shoes as the relationship is quite new. I don't want to lose him but with how distant he has been I think he can't see a way of making it work but I sure as hell would try anything. Also the chances of him being anywhere near to meet are very slim by the sounds of it.

The boss has said he will be home for one weekend a month but he too has a daughter so I don't want to be taking him away from her as he won't have seen her for weeks. Obviously as the relationship is new we haven't met each others children yet so it's not as easy as saying when he is home do something just the four of us.

I don't want to beg him to be with me if he feels it won't work but I will try absolutely anything before giving up.

Any advice please

Seriously?? 🤦‍♀️🤣🤦‍♀️ Have a little think...and maybe google? Do you imagine goods get flown on a magic carpet? 😂

My guess would be he's accepted the long-distance option because it's a solid pay increase, useful if he's saving up for a house. Shame he won't see his daughter so much, but she's happy with her grandparents and hopefully it'll only be for a year or two. But that means he'll be at the wrong end of the country quite often when his break is due. So he'll need to look out for a handy single woman with own home in the new area. Present girlfriend? Let's just let it slide...

Absolute bullshit. Ditch him.

Sorry OP, I agree with the majority of other posters - this ‘partnership’ sounds highly suspect.

Even if he is telling the truth about suddenly needing to be away apart from 1 month per week, I really don’t see how this can ever develop into more than a casual sh*g situation, which is what your updates suggest it is. He has child who he is happy to just accept that he is suddenly going to see her for half of the time that he is currently seeing her. Why is he not seeking an alternative job that allows him to maintain his relationship with his child? Do you really think that if you were to introduce your own child then he would be a stable part of your child’s life?

I’d strongly advise you to block him on all platforms so that he doesn’t try to pull you back. If he appears at your door late at night a few months time then tell him that your ‘new boyfriend’ is upstairs and ask him to leave and not contact you again.

The problem is his to solve.

If he wants a relationship, how can he make this work when he's away for most of the week etc etc?

It's not your problem to solve.

Are you ok?

Gotta say this isn't my experience from years of driving. Average trucker is 55yo (meaning many are older) and they're normally at work when they're unavailable - 60 hour weeks eat a lot of your time up.

It's usually the 'staying late in the office' types that are shagging the secretary IME. Much easier when you're wealthy and working with loads of junior women. Truck drivers interact with mostly other men at work and I daresay aren't really as appealing an option to most women as a smooth operating stockbroker with a holiday home in the south of France.

😂

It's already been said, but he's stringing you along and the whole thing sounds like it's completely fabricated.
Sorry, OP
Others have already asked, but you haven't answered - how long have you been together?
How old are you?
How old is he?

I think you should do some digging around, so that you can find out for yourself that he's a compulsive liar. Gathering some proof might be the only way you can move on and learn from this.

You can do this simply through conversations. For example, ask him where his parents live, suggest a trip to the cinema, ask him which school his child attends and where her mum's house is. He will deflect, avoid, but be persistent and he will squirm.

It will be devastating to discover that he's lying. It will shake you to the core & make you question everything, but you will be stronger and less naive; you will develop a greater sense of self-worth moving forward.

I have known this happen to a friend, although her ex "partner" was a pilot - another example of a job that means he was away a lot. He wasn't a pilot, but he was away a lot - living with his wife and DCs!

My own ExH made up non-existant, elaborate business trips to far-flung places, so I understand that for an honest person, it seems beyong the realms of possibility that someone would be so twisted to go to such lengths to lie like he is.

Good luck.

When she's in bed and fast asleep he comes to see me and as he hasn't met my daughter he's gone in time for them both waking up

So you've never been to his house, you never go out, he just visits you once a week for sex (with your daughter in the house!)?

This isn't a relationship, OP.

Another one saying those hours don't make sense. My BIL has worked bringing cargo from Ireland to Italy and Greece and he's home more often than that even taking into account holdups at ferry ports or cancelled ferrys. Either employer is entirely taking the piss, b/f has misunderstood the schedule or he is kying

I honestly thinking he is trying to let you down gently, this is not his employee demanding this, it appears to he his choice or he is not telling you the whole truth, Sorry but if he is keen on you he will make it work, its not up to you to sort him getting to see you. You sound so completely desperate.

This man who you see briefly at weekends by the sounds of it isn't telling you the whole truth I suspect.
HGV drivers are very much in demand. He could have a new job tomorrow in that line is work. Being given 4 days notice to turn your life upside down isn't likely. Being told your new shift pattern is 28 days on, 2 days off sounds even more unlikely.

Unfortunately I don't think he's being entirely honest with you OP.

Sorry, but you also need to stop referring to him as your partner, he isn't. You share nothing together according to your posts,except a bed every now and then. What a partner is, someone who shares you life, problems, good times bad times, bills etc etc.

So you're a booty call.

If he's doing this job, big IF, it's because he's choosing to.

Yes, I don’t think a boss could force someone to do this, especially if he had children. Sorry, OP, this may be his way of ending the relationship without ending the relationship 💐

You say he has no reason to lie. But...

You're calling him your partner though this is very early days in a relationship and as you say, the pair of you have had difficulty getting time together. Most people would call him a boyfriend.
You're already thinking through the possibility of travelling with him, even if you know that's out of the question because of your daughter and your work. Why even consider it?
You only spend a few fleeting hours together late at night/mornings. Has it not occurred to you that this could be very convenient arrangement for him. He gets sex and breakfast but none of the long tedious hours hanging out with you and your daughter.

I suspect, OP, that you're coming on far too strong for him. He wanted a casual set-up, arriving at night for sex, no strings, no major emotional commitment. You're planning a future together and he needs a way out. He's a coward and doesn't want to admit he was only using you/ he's not so keen, so he's invented this ridiculous story. He's trying to leave the relationship without upsetting you, probably because he'd quite like to keep the option of dropping by occasionally for sex and breakfast open. What he's telling you really clearly is that he's not available for the kind of relationship you want.

Exactly !

You see this guy weekends after your child is asleep ! Come on OP this isn’t a relationship it’s x buddies .
Higher your way expectations , he’s spinning you a yarn and using you .

He could get another job, there is still a shortage of HGV drivers, my brother is one and his company is always recruiting. Something else going on

Sorry OP - you’re saying he’s only been seeing you for the time your children are asleep - I’m assuming it’s not to stare across a table with a glass of wine and discuss the long list of things you have in common or snuggle on a sofa, or share a meal - it’s just sex isn’t it - which basically makes these ‘dates’/meet ups a booty call for him. How is this meaningful to you? When do you have time to actually get to know each other or spend time just hanging out? You’re having to creep around and pray your daughter doesn’t wake in the night and want her mum. It doesn’t sound like a proper relationship and seems pretty one-sided, perhaps he’s doing you a favour so you can meet someone a lot better, sorry. I hope you do x

If you work, have a child and don't drive, where on earth did you meet him?

This 💯

HGV drivers are massively in demand so I'd say if he doesn't like these new conditions he should look elsewhere

I wonder if the op is coming back or reading all the posts and still seeing him through those rosy coloured specs . Come back and tell us we are all wrong or we have given you serious doubts about him .