New partner has to work as a tramper, he's stressed and distancing himself

[GiddyOtter]

So my new partner is an HGV driver. He currently works night shifts but his employer has informed him that in 4 days time he will be a tramper (living on the road in his wagon). I don't drive and have a daughter from a previous relationship so I can't just go to meet him when he's on a break.

What advice would you give to someone in my shoes as the relationship is quite new. I don't want to lose him but with how distant he has been I think he can't see a way of making it work but I sure as hell would try anything. Also the chances of him being anywhere near to meet are very slim by the sounds of it.

The boss has said he will be home for one weekend a month but he too has a daughter so I don't want to be taking him away from her as he won't have seen her for weeks. Obviously as the relationship is new we haven't met each others children yet so it's not as easy as saying when he is home do something just the four of us.

I don't want to beg him to be with me if he feels it won't work but I will try absolutely anything before giving up.

Any advice please

I wonder if he works in the entertainment industry and then it would be normal for him to be away from home for his breaks.

but more likely, he is up to no good

Lolz he’s obviously lying

he could get a new job how can he do this job with a daughter

This does sound like an excuse to keep you on the back burner whilst he lives with someone else.

Why hasn't he said to his boss (assuming all this is real) 'come on, you know I have a daughter I only see at weekends, surely you can find me a job that doesn't require these hours - I've just started seeing someone! Send one of the single, unattached guys on this gig and I'll work closer to home.'

The fact that he hasn't, that he's seemingly just shrugged his shoulders and said 'ok, I'll hardly see my daughter and not see my girlfriend at all then,' would indicate that he's either fibbing wildly to get out of the relationship, or he's really not prioritising what he SHOULD be prioritising.

This.
My initial thought was that he is either being economical with facts or he isn't that interested in the OP and wants out.

How do you drive a HGV to Ireland? Can someone explain?

This sounds illegal. Surely HGV drivers are in demand and he can just get a new job.

Something doesn’t add up… he needs to talk to HR or a Union rep etc

There's a ferry

@Amaranthasweetandfair sure but isn't that for passenger cars only? Or are there lots of haulage ferries?

Hollietree · Today 07:36

So during the week he only comes to see you at night. And at the weekend he only comes to see you at the night time?
Please tell me that he doesn’t turn up, have a shag, shower and then go off “to work”, or back to “his parents house”?
His wife has become suspicious. That’s why he can now only see you once a month.

Agree with the above 100%

I think you will read all these comments and still believe he is telling the truth .

He comes to yours when your children are in bed , has a shag , chats for a bit then leaves . Had he ever taken you out to a pub , the cinema ,out for a meal etc .
That's dating or in your words being in a new relationship mean .

Have you his address ?

Do you know his parents names , daughters name , where his daughter lives with her mum ?
If I were you I'd be conducting a little detective work here

You aren't listening at all. He is lying.

Have you ever met or spoken to any of his friends or family? Do you even leave the house with him in daylight?

You say you considered taking your DD and going on the road with him! This is batshit and makes you sound desperate.

This bloke is going to have to pretend he’s “moving to Yemen.”

I hear there are some good jobs going as wallet inspectors.

Do you have a social life with your partner or do you only see him at night @GiddyOtter

How new is this relationship OP? It sounds like it’s just him coming to your house for Netflix and chill all the time (and probably not a lot of Netflix). Don’t you ever go out together?

Via the ferries.

How do you think goods get transported to Ireland, and from Ireland to GB?

I doubt his boss can just tell him that he has to make a change that's so huge.

I know a guy who does this around Europe and he loves it and gets paid a shit load for it.

I don't know if drivers are as in demand as they were during and after Covid but he has the option for other jobs if he's not happy with this set up so I'd be asking him if he's going to stay or look for employment elsewhere. Even if there isn't huge demand, there's jobs out there.

He sounds like dad of the year. Not. Imagine as a woman saying "my employer wants me to work away for weeks and then I'll only see my child one/two days a month". I bet there are not many women with this arrangement. Simply because we care. And most men wouldn't be willing to do all the parenting.

A woman or a responsible dad would probably look for another job compatible with having a child...

However I expect it's all a load of rubbish he has concocted to get rid of you OP as he hasn't got the balls to actually say the truth.

Sorry OP but this isn’t a relationship. As others have said your the bit on the side. He’s a liar.

Run.

Yep all of this. Sounds as though you were just an easy shag that fitted in with his lifestyle. And he love bombed you and you have got the oxytocin 'love' goggles on. He probably is married and you are probably not the only bit on the side. Sorry it's harsh but this is men for you. You do come across as quite naive so I wonder if you are a bit younger than him?

Oh bless you OP. I really think it sounds like he’s using you for sex.

A booty call if you like.

Im sorry xxx. Get rid of him xx

This. I thought we didn't have enough truck drivers and they were all being paid huge sums.

I agree with all of this! Could be bullshit. Could be fact. Either way he needs to get a different job or admit to you that he doesn't mind this.