Partner offended over couples sex toy I bought him

[Bamboosilverleaf]

Basically what it says in the title.
Been with partner for over a year. Sex life seems open and fun and we both love each other.
At Christmas we bough main present each and said a few jokey / sexy things.
One of the smaller things he got me was pretty lingerie that I loved.
One of the smaller things I got for him was a c*k ring as he opened it I said for both of us. He went oh ok. Got up and started a making a cup of tea. Anyway since then he hasn't mentioned it he's put it away in a draw. I wore my lingerie last night and said babe get the c*k ring out , massage oil etc . He didn't get it out the drawer. I left it, we had fun anyway.
So this morning I say to him , have you tried that c**k ring? And he said I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

I'm in shock. I think I've made him feel insecure. He's being really distant with me this evening. He looks hurt. Have no idea why??

No, but the majority of women need more than vaginal penetration with a penis. The majority of women need direct stimulation of the clitoris.

YY @Haveyouseenthischicken I TOTALLY agree. Im 51 and require a bit more oomph to orgasm these days How the fuck is this man going to cope when he and his partner get older. Is he then going to expect his female partner to go without orgasms or fake it to soothe his ego.

@JenniferBooth That's precisely what he's going to do. I mean, that's what he's doing now, isn't it? And they're not even out of the 'honeymoon' stage yet. It's all absolutely centred on his pleasure, his feelings. He's hurt, she must apologise. No suggestion that her hurt warrants an apology, or even a discussion. I get the impression that, however she raised this, however she ever raises it, she will always be punished with his sulking.

Yeah it's all designed to get her to shut up and not ever ask for what she needs again.

It's like when an abuser pinches your arm really hard and you go 'Oww! That hurt! Can you not do that again please!?' And they throw a strop and say 'I can't believe you're acting like it was deliberate or something, you've really hurt my feelings!'. So you end up apologising to them. Even though they are the ones that did you harm.

couples toys are great fun, and nothing to be insecure about. when we got a vibrating cock ring, Mr thought it was fantastic. it enhanced it for both of us.

it doesn't sound like that's the problem here. it sounds like the problem is that he's selfish in bed and not willing to experiment with things that will improve that.

that IS the point of a vibrating one. it feels good for both of you, and it means you get to have fun for longer, often with the end result feeling more intense for both.
there's more to it than just getting him to last longer. and even if it were, why would he not want some extra sexytimes.

A Fleshlight won't do much for the OP as she's female.

Sounds like you two need to work on communication and needs?

We've used cock rings and a fun variety of toys over the years to get us both off in different ways. Very much an 'us' thing and something we've done together and the needs have changed as we've got older.

Maybe he needs to get in tune a bit more about what women need to come?

60 here and just recently found another thing that stepped it up a bit for us both.

Good luck! Hope it gets sorted out OP.

Yes, but you shouldn't need a sex toy for this.

even if the best sex you ever had was with a total arsehole?
you'd choose that over a decent but average in bed man?

Siri Show me someone who hasnt hit perimenopause yet.

Would you say the same about the OPs boyf That he shouldnt NEED her to wear sexy lingerie

Are you male or female

@JenniferBooth @Grammarnut As an aside to the perimenopause point, sex toys can make a massive difference for those of us (myself included) with manual dexterity issues. I think it's really weird to shame people for using them, regardless of whether they're a need or a nice to have. A good lover is a lover who is tuned in to their partner's pleasure. Being a good lover doesn't begin and end with being able to get you off unaided.

Excellent point

I don't think either are tricky. it's a stretchy silicone band with a little sleeve that holds a vibrating bullet. so you just stretch it open, and put it on. there are different configurations you can use them in to give different benefits.

How the fuck would a flashlight help the op orgasm?

He's having an orgasm, he's doing pretty much nothing to aid her having one.

I don't think that's what she said.

Do you usually think in total absolutes?

Sounds like you two need to work on communication and needs?

I think the op tries to communicate and he's obstructive and avoidant.

And he's happy to be, because he's getting his orgasms.

He sounds shit in bed, selfish, immature and a poor communicator.

Fwiw op, I haven't used a vibrating ring (yet) but I also thought they were supposed to be mutually stimulating.

I thought the vibrations would affect them/feel good for them too.

On the general subjects if cock rings (!) I briefly dated a guy who'd gotten one with his ex. It wasn't a vibrating one. He was happy to buy it and experiment with it, he said it gave him bigger, harder hard ons and made sexual activity feel more intense and he was pretty positive about it.

He didn't see using one as some implication that he couldn't keep it up for long enough or at all.

cock rings aren't designed to insult men. they're designed to improve things for everyone involved.

It's also a self evident fact that vibrating sex toys are probably going to achieve much faster and more easily - what someone (even skilled) would achieve using fingers/mouth. Let's face it, it can be hard work.

You'd think his lazy ass would be grateful the op is giving him a vibrator to use durng penetrative sex ...it's not like she's even asking him to return to oral or manual "effort", which he's too lazy & selfish to do anymore anyway.

But no, his ego has to come above her having an orgasm during sex (while he gets one).

But buying someone a present designed to insult them is really passive aggressive.

She's already said she thought those vibrating cock rings were for mutual stimulation (as did I); why are you being so unnecessarily, unfairly critical towards the op??

Oh and even if she did (which she didn't)., I could imagine getting rather passive aggressive if a man was happy to orgasm every time during sex, but not bother to help me have one, and happily leave me without one.

Try being a bit more critical of him. He's the one who deserves it.

Who said most people do? But they have bought and used sex toys together and agreed to get each other sexy gifts for Christmas, that’s not unsolicited. If he’s happy to use a toy to increase the pleasure he experiences during a blow job, it would make sense to buy a gift that increases both of their pleasure during penetrative sex.