Husbands views bothering me

[Sensitiveelephant]

Recently some of my husbands views have been bother8ng me. He's listening to lots of podcasts and for me this is where these views have come from although he says it isn't.
he supports Trump and keeps going on about how great he is.
He is saying how "woke" everyone is. And goes on about trans people. They them etc
We watch a film and if there's a black actor where the actor used to be white. Eg little mermaid. He starts kicking off as it's woke and gets annoyed etc.
We were in the cinema yesterday and he saw an advert andbi think it was captain America was played by a black man. He started kicking off getting annoyed.
He said don't you think that's ridiculous?
I said no, why does it matter? He argues with me back and forth and kids were there so I said let's just leave it we obviously won't agree but he get going on. I don't like my kids hearing it and I said thay and then he said I was making him feel bad for his views and it's OK to have different views and he's glad I've got my views as mine are mainstream etc.
He also goes on about abortion shouldn't be allowed past 12 weeks. He knows I disagree and why but keeps going on about it.
I jyst feel like it's constant at the moment and I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I think it's making me question him as a person. I'm not sure.
Anyone untangle my thoughts and help me see things clearly?
How do you cope with this kind of thing?
It's hard o want mynkids to grow up with my views I guess but is that wrong?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions

He is getting radicalised. It is happening a fair bit, and there is endless shit out there for him to lap up. I think it is hard to argue back, as you become part of the problem. But it is also impossible not to argue back. Anyway, no practical advice, just sympathy. This is the world we live I now and we will see more and more of it, as things crumble and people are encouraged to turn on their neighbours rather than their rulers.

I am trying to dampen down what I really think of your husband’s views and his replies to you when you pick him up on them, so that I’m not rude about him!

Trust your intuition and your responses, please. I can hear you coming across loud and clear and no, you are not wrong.

I agree. I think it's more the fact he brings it up constantly and will almost want an argument out of it. Will keep going on. I said let's drop it as we have different opinions andbwont agree but he keeps going on. He wants to be "right"
I also don't want my kids to adopt those views.
He's the one that always brings it up already knowing my view on it all.

I do get it, it’s very hard to listen to these kind of diatribes and sadly when the Big Orange One is in office it may get worse. That said he is entitled to his views and sadly, and I say this as someone with adult kids, the chances of them just agreeing with you long term are slim. So you may always feel a little overwhelmed by strange opinions in your life. You need to just practise your „that’s nice dear“ replies and I think this will help long term. Give it time, if he feels he is not converting anyone OR having anyone agree with him, maybe this will reduce.

Ask yourself if his views and opinions are the ones you want your children to believe and adopt as their own. If not, protect them.

ETA, cross posted with the OP

She wrote above she doesn’t. But she can’t. They won’t. Kids grow up with their own views!!!!!

Sorry that reply was to thatsmymug

I don’t think I could stay with someone whose views were so different to my own.

As a pp said he is being radicalised. His behaviour is racist. I would call him out every single time, especially if the dc are there. They cannot grow up thinking it’s ok to dislike someone due to the colour of their skin.

I personally wouldn’t live with someone who behaved in this way, so I’d tell him, it’s up to him, he’d either stop listening to these dreadful podcasts or your relationship will breakdown.

It's really hard and he's changed alot since listening to these podcasts. He listens to then every day at work for hours. Butni mentioned it yesterday I said I feel like his views have changed because of the podcasts etc and he got really annoyed he said he didn't like me saying that and it wasn't the podcasts.

My ex is like that. I always thought he was quite intelligent but while he is reasonably educated, he just doesn’t seem able to think for himself. He just parrots views he’s heard from other people or takes things at face value without thinking about them. He supports Trump as well and is always ranting about woke stuff and all kinds of nonsense but he doesn’t have any education on any of it. If you asked him to explain his views, he would be unable to. Ugh.. so glad he’s my ex now. When he starts on, I just usher him home.

Refuse to engage with him. Tell him you aren’t going to discuss his views anymore. That you disagree vehemently with him and you will never change your mind.

He's a full grown adult with responsibilities not a teen. He is choosing to watch content which he likes because it reinforces and justifies his existing prejudices. The underlying attitudes would always have been there, they have just been extended and he is saying them out loud.

If he is deliberately trying to provoke arguments with you over these views then he is a misogynist and a bully. He already has you being silent rather than responding to keep the peace. What else are you doing to "keep the peace"? Your DC will notice you doing this.

Agree with this. Also think that if he keeps listening to these podcasts his behaviour towards you will get worse.
How old are the dc? Because you can bet as they get older and have their own options he will start arguing with them too.

Not if those opinions are dangerous, ill informed are constantly being spouted and could influence children.
I'm sure people also said that Hitler was entitled to his own views and that Nazis youth was a harmless organisation for young people

I agree it's a form of radicalisation. Was he bothered about any of these 'issues' before? Did they even cross his mind? I'd be willing to bet they didn't.

The Internet is scary sometimes.

I can't win with him
Listening to these podcasts he has so much information and phrases and arguments. I can't think as fast as him or get the words out. But I do always say my opinion.
I said yesterday that ariel or captain America are not defined by their skin colour. Of actors audition and they're best for the role why shouldn't they get it. He kept saying well captain America was qhite in comics so should be white on screen. They wouldn't change a black actor for a white one etc. He then went on to say about james bond and what if they had a black james bond or female james bond would I be happy with that? I said yes I think it's actually a good thing as in real life there are different people who take on different roles it's good to see on TV and he just argued with me and kept going on.
I did say let's stop because I don't want the kids hearing your views or something like that.
He then said he was entitled to his opinion and I shouldn't be making him feel bad by bringing the kids into it. The thing is he always says these things round the kids and brings it up not me. Urg I don't know.
One thing is it's impossible to argue with him.

I don't think so. These opinions and the constant remarks have only happened in the last year or so. He's into conspiracy theories now too.

Is he a good man in other respects? Is he happy with where he is in life? And is he argumentative when you bring up things you want to do or other practical things?

If you are happy with him in other ways in your shoes I would try to form some “agree to disagree” space between him and you. How you do this I don’t exactly know.

What part of Trump’s worldview /s does he like and relate to, out of interest?

You will get people on here going 'everyone's entitled to their opinion, your kids will be exposed to different views from many sources, lots of people are sick of 'woke'

Ultimately, he supports a racist sex offender being in charge of one of the most powerful countries on the planet.
(And thinks that black people being included in films is somehow 'woke' as opposed to recognising that it was deeply fucking weird that Hollywood cinema was so white all these years when we are a diverse planet and America has always been a diverse country... so he's not very bloody bright)

Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but given that Trump is a liar to astronomical proportions, and he still supports him despite so much evidence that he's a terrible human being, that alone isn't something you would want your kids growing up thinking is normal - not fact checking? Supporting sex offenders? Yeah, no.

Of course he won't like you saying it's because of the podcasts.

Your DH sounds like one of those men (who all seem to spout the same BS btw) want to be seen as "independent thinkers" "brave" enough to say what is "right" and speak the "truth". When in fact they're small minded weak men struggling with the fact that society isn't bowing before then purely because they're white and male anymore.

I think you've lost the argument when you start calling people Nazi's.

Yes, and everyone else is entitled to not care for their opinion.
These views for me would be a deal breaker. I couldn’t take a conspiracy theorist seriously, and I couldn’t stay married to someone I didn’t take seriously.

oh God, men like this are everywhere