Husbands views bothering me

[Sensitiveelephant]

Recently some of my husbands views have been bother8ng me. He's listening to lots of podcasts and for me this is where these views have come from although he says it isn't.
he supports Trump and keeps going on about how great he is.
He is saying how "woke" everyone is. And goes on about trans people. They them etc
We watch a film and if there's a black actor where the actor used to be white. Eg little mermaid. He starts kicking off as it's woke and gets annoyed etc.
We were in the cinema yesterday and he saw an advert andbi think it was captain America was played by a black man. He started kicking off getting annoyed.
He said don't you think that's ridiculous?
I said no, why does it matter? He argues with me back and forth and kids were there so I said let's just leave it we obviously won't agree but he get going on. I don't like my kids hearing it and I said thay and then he said I was making him feel bad for his views and it's OK to have different views and he's glad I've got my views as mine are mainstream etc.
He also goes on about abortion shouldn't be allowed past 12 weeks. He knows I disagree and why but keeps going on about it.
I jyst feel like it's constant at the moment and I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I think it's making me question him as a person. I'm not sure.
Anyone untangle my thoughts and help me see things clearly?
How do you cope with this kind of thing?
It's hard o want mynkids to grow up with my views I guess but is that wrong?

It would be a deal breaker for me. There's 'agree to disagree' in every healthy relationship, but I couldn't make it work with someone whose views were so diametrically opposed to my own. And the podcast bro gullibility would really impact my respect for him.

Of course, you still have to co-parent with him regardless.

I would talk to him firmly when the kids are not around that he is not to speak like that when they are around .. ever

you can tell him each to their own but that he is acting strange and you don’t want the kids to pick up on racism and so on. You could even say that it’s immoral and they could end up in trouble in school

Stuff like this feeds of reaction

Put your point across and don’t engage further

He's a racist and a mysogynist whose using random voices on podcasts to justify stepping up that racism and misogyny. Not a 14 year old being groomed. The OP has stated he frequently starts the arguments including when the DC are around.

Putting up the odd shelf to be "good" doesn't cut it if the underlying person is a shit.

I actually did say yesterday that if the kids spoke like that at school they would get in trouble and he said oh yeah at school because they're so woke and brainwashed.

I couldn't live with someone with these views. I would genuinely leave my husband if he became one of those people

Not just men. My 80 year old mother has gone fully down these rabbit holes too. There's a very well worn path from 'wellness' to these views, especially for women.

ETA this was in response to @catatonique saying men like this are everywhere

Be very clear with him that it's not acceptable to air these views in front of children. The racism on its own would end the relationship for me to be honest, I couldn't live with that. Is he talking about abortion in front of the children too?

I'm seeing this a lot, and it worries me. I think there's a them and us tone in this media landscape that is stoking people's primeval threat responses. What I find, OP, is that this is a very thin layer of diatribe, and that when I am able to have a deeper conversation these are the lovely men they always were, they have broad and varied and nuanced political opinions and compassion and respect. I don't find arguing or challenging to be helpful actually, I guess it keeps both parties in their threat response.

My husband and I have noticed this trend in a small number of our male friends recently. Previously perfectly normal, reasonable men who have hit middle age and just seem so angry at the world. Going on about everything being ‘woke’, suddenly expressing v right wing views, anti gay, anti trans etc. An old uni friend of my husband’s came to stay about a month ago and we even ended up listening to that same rant about The Little Mermaid - I feel your pain!
We’ve tried to understand what’s going on, but are at a bit of a loss. Do they feel ‘left behind’ somehow by society, or no longer relevant? Are they clinging to the Trump and Clarkson-types because of this? One thing I’ve noticed is that they seem to be reluctant to embrace the present - insisting on going to the same places, listening to the same music, watching the same things they always did. Our more ‘successful’ friends who maybe don’t have the same financial struggles don’t seem affected and so maybe it’s borne of resentment.
Could you maybe suggest some fun new things that align with his interests, just to pull him out of his rut? I’d also take a look at his search history - if he’s spending a lot of time in ,what is essentially, an echo chamber he’s not going to pull himself out of this any time soon.

The only person here that’s brainwashed is him. I couldn’t live with someone who carried on like this

He does yes I don't think he does it meaning for them to hear. I'm pretty sure he has ADHD. But that's another story. But means he talks alot and doesn't really think before he speaks.
He doesn't believe his views are racist and doesn't see why he shouldn't be able to talk about it.
I have said all that before. He's very good at arguing whereas I'm not a conflict person. He loves a bit of conflict and he loves twisting the knife and riling people up.

I don’t think I could live with this either and feel it will probably get more extreme. I mean his views are racist and misogynistic and all kinds of messed up. The conspiracy theory rabbit hole is dangerous and fucked up and I have learnt from experience that you can’t argue with crazy. They always think they are right and superior and that we ‘the mainstream’ people are being fed all this ‘woke nonsense ‘ but don’t know the real truth. Huge red flags. Even with out this I could not be married to a racist.

Next time he pulls the Captain America crap, tell him There's been a black Captain America for over 20 years - he clearly doesn't read comics...

A member of my family has very similar views, and they have been extremely vocal about them since they started listening to LBC radio station. It’s like the station has given them licence to think it’s ok to air these views, and the way the act, they think everyone holds the same views as them and they get so angry when people don’t.

I appreciate everyone is different and entitled to other opinions, but the part I find the hardest is that they expect everyone to think the same as they do, and the anger and vitriol that comes with it when they don’t.

They bring up really controversial topics of conversation and loudly talk about them in public, and this is done even when they are walking around the supermarket with their partner and they start talking about these things randomly with supermarket staff for example, which I think puts them at risk.

I don’t air my opinions too often in public, but I really feel like those with right wing/anti woke type opinions do nowadays.

My dad was a bit like this, parroting the Daily Mail. My mother left him eventually. Shared values are important in a relationship and I couldn’t stay with someone like this.

Ask him why he cares so much about what women and girls do with their bodies considering that he's never going to be in a situation where he would have to contemplate terminating a pregnancy.

For the innocent baby. Who cares about the woman?
He doesn't say that but that's how it makes me feel.

The trans thing is valid because it deeply impacts the sex-based rights of women. The rest though is very worrying. Tell him you're considering that you may need a divorce because your and his values are far too different.

Im used to it in older people who grew up with racism on misogyny. (Not right but more understandable why they hold that viewpoint) he is only 35 and never used to be like this or if he was I didn't know about it.
Kids are varous ages between 6 and 11.

That’s not what they said.

I agree with above poster who says shared values are really important in a relationship. Honestly, I feel sorry for your DH for saying this but it would be a deal breaker for me.

I think in the long term your children would respect your decision if you split over this. It’s fairly unlikely (although not impossible) that they are going to develop the same views. They are growing up in a different world to him. Less racist and misogynist. I hope.

Well on the Captain America bit at least he really doesn't know what he's talking about.

There have been multiple captain Americas in the comics. One of them in particular - Sam Wilson - has always been black in the comics. This is the one being portrayed by a black man in the latest movie. So no whitewashing going on there.

I'd imagine your husband is talking just as much bullshit on most of his other views too.

I think it is borne of fear and resentment but backlashes to ‘progressive’ societal tendencies are not a new phenomenon, neither is middle aged folk becoming more right wing.

Well that's good for him. What is he doing to help these babies when they are born? I'm curious if he's offering them a home? Or support for the women and girls who would be forced to carry to full term? What if the women's life was at risk beyond 12 weeks. What would he prefer to happen then?