Husbands views bothering me

[Sensitiveelephant]

Recently some of my husbands views have been bother8ng me. He's listening to lots of podcasts and for me this is where these views have come from although he says it isn't.
he supports Trump and keeps going on about how great he is.
He is saying how "woke" everyone is. And goes on about trans people. They them etc
We watch a film and if there's a black actor where the actor used to be white. Eg little mermaid. He starts kicking off as it's woke and gets annoyed etc.
We were in the cinema yesterday and he saw an advert andbi think it was captain America was played by a black man. He started kicking off getting annoyed.
He said don't you think that's ridiculous?
I said no, why does it matter? He argues with me back and forth and kids were there so I said let's just leave it we obviously won't agree but he get going on. I don't like my kids hearing it and I said thay and then he said I was making him feel bad for his views and it's OK to have different views and he's glad I've got my views as mine are mainstream etc.
He also goes on about abortion shouldn't be allowed past 12 weeks. He knows I disagree and why but keeps going on about it.
I jyst feel like it's constant at the moment and I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I think it's making me question him as a person. I'm not sure.
Anyone untangle my thoughts and help me see things clearly?
How do you cope with this kind of thing?
It's hard o want mynkids to grow up with my views I guess but is that wrong?

Yes but you don't want them shoved down your throat constantly.

I don’t know that he is a misogynist or that he was before he started listening to podcasts like these. That’s why I ask.
And it’s only the OP here who would know in her gut and from her experiences and beliefs. Him echoing anti abortion views doesn’t tell me, of itself, he’s a misogynist.
The podcast format is very seductive and addictive - brain washing that only stops when you stop downloading.

You do hear about people going down these rabbit holes though and it becoming like a sort of obsessive delusion or paranoia.

Yes I've had all of those arguments with him. He said it is different if woman's health is at risk or baby unlikely to live due to complications picked up at 20 week scan but there needs to be clear rules.
I said it's hard to have clear rules as you don't know how giving birth will effect a woman. She might think she can don't and then circumstances change and she feels she really can't have the baby. Then she's made to have the baby and has ptsd and depression and mental health issues and is that OK? It will change her life forever.
But it's impossible like I said he always has a comeback and always talks over the top of me or interrupts.

Also, does he advocate for better sex education in school and teaching of birth control? Does he advocate for abstinence? If he's against abortion after 12 weeks he must have some ideas on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

I would push him on this as it's all very well saying he's against abortion after 12 weeks but it's much more complicated than that alone.

Tell him to google what Jesus really looked like. Might slow him down for a bit.

@Sensitiveelephant one - ask him to stop talking over you etc as it doesn’t make his point more valid, it’s rude, it makes you not bother talking to him as what’s the point and it teaches the kids awful manners.

is he listening to awful Andrew Tate style stuff?

have you told him he’s changed as a person since listening to these podcasts and that it’s actually making you dislike the person he’s becoming and that it makes you reconsider your whole relationship and future? You don’t need to get into his views/debate this etc. you are stating that he’s not the person you met and fell in love with. And whilst we all grow and change as adults - his current persona isn’t one you like.

I don’t air my opinions too often in public, but I really feel like those with right wing/anti woke type opinions do nowadays.

There are no shortage of people with all opinions who are happy to share them, be they economic left/right, authoritarian/libertarian, liberal/conservative. What are we doing here but sharing opinions?

LBC has been around since long before widespread social media. Expansion in media simply gives more outlets but these attitudes have always been in the pub, in the workplace, in social groups.

What the OP is describing is a man starting arguments in front of the children to wrong foot her, silence the family and ultimately have them walking on eggshells around him. The actual subject of the arguments is a distraction from his appalling behaviour which would be equally bad if he was shouting the OP down over the price of cheese.

This, I think, is a major issue. His views are also profoundly anti-woman, which is disrespectful to you. What you have described would give me the ick. My responses to all this nonsense would probably be reduced to: "That's nice, dear." Then I would change the topic.

However, your kids being affected, is even worse. None of you deserve this and as a father he really should be a better role model.

That's what they meant.

It would be game over for me. How can you raise a family together when you don't have shared values. Apart from anything it really exposed his lack of critical thinking which would be a red.flag for me.

I would just respond with, "Only insecure men say things like this" because it's true.

Or point out the irrelevancy every time.
"Well I'm not having an abortion so what's that got to do with the price of eggs"
"Hate to state the obvious, but you're not a casting director or a mermaid"

Oh fuck. That's horrible. I couldn't live with this. It would end my marriage.

There's a difference between 'views' and 'opinions' and racism, misogyny, sexism.

He will argue that's 'woke'. Problem is, when you see the latter you question the morality and core values of a person, and that's what makes a relationship unworkable.

Would you have dated him if he'd spotted these views when you first met him?

Also, your kids have to exist in society whether he likes it or not. Does he want them sharing his views and having a huge part of society thinking his kids are utter dick heads?

Does he want other parents making complaints about your children's 'views' and behaviour at school (we have a kid at school who told another child that his parents should go back to where they came from).

Does he want your children's employment prospects threatened by tribunals and disciplinary actions for straying on the wrong side of the law with their 'opinions'.

Or does he want them to co-habit peacefully with everyone in society irrespective of race, sex, religion etc, and have a happy joyful life?

I think you're not capable of engaging in the argument if you don't understand it @WilmerFlintstone.

First of all, it's Nazis, plural, not possessive, no apostrophe. And second of all @Whoarethoseguys said:

I'm sure people also said that Hitler was entitled to his own views and that Nazis youth was a harmless organisation for young people

Which is not calling anyone a Nazi, but explaining that the philosophy did not spring fully formed out of nowhere, but started off with exactly the same kind of fear-mongering and rumour spreading the OP's husband is being exposed to on the podcasts.

Honestly, if you can’t form coherent arguments or stop him talking over you, your kids will grow up with these abhorrent values.

He is saying, and your children are hearing, that your opinions don’t matter. I’d get rid of him before he damages them irreparably.

You refer to ‘my children’ no ‘our’ children - is he their father or a stepfather? If not, I think you’re within your rights to insist that there is no political discussion whatsoever in their presence. If he’s not related to them, then I’d question whether you stay in a relationship with someone you feel so diametrically opposed to on politics and, therefore, values.

And everyone is entitled to not hear your opinion over and over again. Any time someone challenges this kind of view they’re a liberal lefty or woke. They don’t actually want an educated conversation, just angry rants. It’s extremely toxic and it is a form of radicalisation.

I would be having a very serious chat with him. It’s not just his views it’s becoming his personality and this is threatening your marriage, ultimately. I’m guessing this isn’t the person you married?

Not sure why MNHQ have hidden my reply but in short - there’s a lot of this about @Sensitiveelephant and he will likely get worse the more his views are emboldened by having Trump back in office.

How does he get away with listening to them at work for hours?

They are his children. We have been together 18 years.

He is self employed and works a job where he doesn't interact with people really

Lol captain America is a comic book and in the original story Sam who is black takes over when Steve/original cap dies. They made a gorgeous story for modern times with all the black people being killed by police for Sam's story to come to light.

Your husband is a racist and a transphobe. I couldn't be mates with anyone like that let alone married too.

That makes your position harder - but I would still insist no politics and as other Pps have said, he is no longer the man you married. I don’t agree with everything politically when DH and I talk, but there is sufficient overlap that we know our core values align - and that they may have adapted to age, life and the impact of having children, but they’ve not radically changed. And I think the ‘radically’ is important here. At root, core level, you do not feel the same about things and I think you would be justified in asking to have couples therapy to work out if you can move past this - and if you can’t then thinking about next steps.

And women. My friend spouts all these views. She's become like Tommy Robinson on steroids. She's on a permanent anti-woke crusade.