Husbands views bothering me

[Sensitiveelephant]

Recently some of my husbands views have been bother8ng me. He's listening to lots of podcasts and for me this is where these views have come from although he says it isn't.
he supports Trump and keeps going on about how great he is.
He is saying how "woke" everyone is. And goes on about trans people. They them etc
We watch a film and if there's a black actor where the actor used to be white. Eg little mermaid. He starts kicking off as it's woke and gets annoyed etc.
We were in the cinema yesterday and he saw an advert andbi think it was captain America was played by a black man. He started kicking off getting annoyed.
He said don't you think that's ridiculous?
I said no, why does it matter? He argues with me back and forth and kids were there so I said let's just leave it we obviously won't agree but he get going on. I don't like my kids hearing it and I said thay and then he said I was making him feel bad for his views and it's OK to have different views and he's glad I've got my views as mine are mainstream etc.
He also goes on about abortion shouldn't be allowed past 12 weeks. He knows I disagree and why but keeps going on about it.
I jyst feel like it's constant at the moment and I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I think it's making me question him as a person. I'm not sure.
Anyone untangle my thoughts and help me see things clearly?
How do you cope with this kind of thing?
It's hard o want mynkids to grow up with my views I guess but is that wrong?

No, you dont lose the argument when you point out that the Nazis started as democrats but cloaked their intent with fabulously believable propaganda and conspiracy theories. Its important to remember that the Nazis before the war had a lot of support. The Daily Mail, Edward 8th, and many Tories all thought Herr Hitler was a good idea and in 1935 the England football team gave a Nazi salute in a football match at White Hart Lane. This stuff the poor OP has to put up with is practically alt.right, And probably as female friendly as Andrew Tate. .

There are other things going on in our marriage and I've suggested couples counselling many times but he won't do it. Doesn't need someone to tell him how he feels or what to do etc.
I know it sounds like we are so different and we are. We are complete opposites really. Although he does make me laugh and when it comes down to it I love him. So much. I feel like he is part of me. I don't want to separate. I don't know if I could survive it and I know I'd miss him forever. It's just hard to know how to fix it.

I've said about him being right wing and he says that he isn't right wing he is just realistic.

Yes, my husband's views are the same.
I would struggle to have any respect for him, if they were different.

Something else j find hard is he seems to delight in others misfortune. A couple we know were having trouble and separated and he wanted to know every single detail and asked me every day had I heard anything and did alot of eye brow wiggling and wondering what had happened. I know it sounds normal to be curious but it did my head in as none of our business and also I was trying to speak to him about something which had happened which was deeply hurtful and he completely ignored and interuted to ask about if I'd heard anything about the drama.
I find it so hard to talk to him about anything. But I do think he gets in these hyper moods and then other times he can be gentle and calmer.

He is being radicalised. Before you know it, he will be watching Andrew Tate type content and spouting misogyny.

Trump is a vile piece of shit. Anyone supporting him actively supports someone who is racist and who has set women's rights back centuries. I personally could not be with someone who is happy for powerful men to take away my right to choose

That goes beyond opinions. I can't support the opinion of anyone who thinks a racist sex offender is a good president.

Keep a focus on how he is treating you. I’ve known men who fall down this rabbit hole to become increasingly misogynistic towards their female partner to the point of abuse.

And other people are entitled to object to those opinions and to dislike people who have them.

I think you need to really think about what love is. Sometimes, we think we love someone, when what's actually happened is:

• we used to love them
• we have a shared history
• we care about their wellbeing
• we don't know what life looks like without them
• we occasionally like them

And this can feel like love, when it's actually familiarity and them occasionally being likeable. Because it doesn't sound like you love him any more, OP. And that is okay. But being together for so long, it's understandable that you think you won't survive being without him, you don't know what that looks like - but there are thousands of women on here, thousands of stories, of women who felt the exact same and are on the other side, living much happier lives. It's so tough. But he doesn't sound like he loves or respects you. And I know that's hard to hear - but surely if he loved you, he would be doing everything in his power to work through your marriage issues. If he respected you, he would know you struggle to debate these things and if he wanted to discuss them he would go about it kindly, whereas he's just lecturing you and calling you brainwashed - that's not how you treat the people you love, is it.

You've lost the argument when you accuse someone of calling other people Nazis when they clearly have not done so (other than in relation to Hitler, who obviously should be called a Nazi).

Are they though? And does anyone else have to listen to them?

I couldn’t stay with someone with those views. They are so damaging. It can’t be enjoyable for you to have to constantly hear him go on and id hate for my children to be exposed to such hatred. X

Yes this.

Would you have said that about Hitler and his supporters?

He sounds a bit thick, tbh. Sorry. This would be a hard nope from me personally. I wouldn’t get involved with a bigot and I wouldn’t tolerate a partner becoming one.

So how does he feel about supporting women to bring up all those "innocent babies"? Would I be right in thinking he doesn't like benefits?

And I'm guessing he's wholeheartedly behind the US's gun laws (given that his hero is) despite the appalling number of innocent children who have been killed by people using guns?

Try putting those points to him and asking how they are consistent with his love for unborn babies.

He is entitled to his own opinions but ask him to keep them to himself as you don't share the same viewpoints. Is there someone else he can discuss them with?

He is possibly ending up in a bit of an echo chamber. If he is listening to particular podcasts then he may be being presented with increasingly narrow views.

Maybe try to chat more with him? He is likely to be interested in world affairs and politics given his listening habits. Ask him what he finds interesting and why he enjoys particular shows but also highlight where you might disagree with a view point. Try to find areas where you have views in common and take the time to build and articulate your views on the values that are important to you (eg why equality laws matter or why paid maternity leave is important)

How very arrogant to assume you know what a poster "meant". If it was what they meant, they would have said so.

ExH developed some wacky ideas during the COVID Pandemic. Really believed all the conspiracies around the release of the contagion and also the jab afterwards. He is also a Trump supporter and believes in the Deep State and PizzaGate, and the dogs being eaten in Ohio and all that. Whilst all theories have a tiny amount of truth in them, they cannot be dealt with as fact.

I think men have really lost their way. Maybe they miss religion...

Wait until you see Korean Jesus!

But honestly his opinions on political matters is really quite unimportant. You should put more weight on his treatment of actual real people in your life. Which you mentioned in your recent post.

This is a common problem. I recently joined a new company and worked with a guy that I had worked with somewhere else 10 years ago. In those days he was such a laugh, respectful to everyone and quick and intelligent. Now he had the views you are saying that your husband has. Agree with pp that is radicalisation. People are reading too much online and there is so much misogyny and negativity out there. I don’t know what you can do but maybe try to do some things as a family that keep him away from social media ?

So does the fact that he spends all this time listening to podcasts rather than his work affect productivity? Unfortunately that will only feed into his sense of being a member of a persecuted minority, because he will be struggling economically. Can you gently point out to him that he would get more work done, and therefore make more money, if he actually concentrated?

He sounds like tedious arse to me who intent on browbeating you. Doesn’t sound very loveable to me.

I think white men aged approx 45 to 60ish have had such a easy time of it that they are looking for a cause to feel offended by.

Look at the ones who kicked off about Covid and went on the "riots". Throw a stone at the crowd and you'd hit half a dozen middle-aged, balding, pot-bellied "Darrens" who seemed thrilled to have something to protest about.

I may have just described my ex-H there...