I made a mistake - is he overreacting

[Frenchvanilla1991]

We started dinner for new years Day and I was opening a bottle of fizz. I have often been moaned at for not opening the bottle of fizz over the sink so I realised after standing at the bin and removing the foil etc I need to open it over the sink. Did this in a rush as the cork worked it's way up and ended up hitting the edge of the bottle off the composite sink and taking a tiny chip out of it. He went mad at me and had me in tears, telling me I have no respect for our things. I was trying to be respectful by moving to the sink. I felt honestly very upset and scared as there was nothing I could do to calm him down from the damage I'd done and he kept berating me for not taking care of the house (i really try to) . AIBU? I'll attach a photo of the damage for context.

There is no explanation that makes his behaviour ok. Ηe is an aggressive controlling bully.

No way in your life should you have to deal with this hideous character. Imagine being with someone kind and understanding. You can have that- you don’t need to be with this horrible man.

Really? You'd shout at your partner and have them walking on egg shells? Then you're a terrible person

I get my husband to open it, because despite being a clumsy, messy git, when I open it, it goes everywhere. got a great wedding photo where we both opened bottles, and for no logical reason (I am careful, I hold it and give it gentle twists, and then it just sprays everywhere) where the bottle I have is basically a fountain, and his isn't.
so he opens bubbly.

You are being abused.
Please contact Women's aid for advice and support.

This is no way to live.

Your partner is a bully. He's abusing you and has knocked all your confidence. If my DH were to repeatedly tell me to open the bottle over the sink I'd tell him I was perfectly fine where I was and didn't need him mansplaining how to do it.

You'll be miserable with this man. Get out now and live your life the way you want. Open bottles wherever the fuck you like, not where he tells you to like he's your dad 🙄

Please rethink this relationship OP.
He is behaving very badly and you sound afraid.

I can’t tell you what to do but I would be gone in your situation.
Please mind yourself.

At what point do you think his verbal violence change to physical violence @Frenchvanilla1991 ?

Even if you are this clumsy oaf he’s painting you as who has caused a lot of damage to property (and nothing you’ve described supports that characterization), it doesn’t mean you should be shouted at.

If you lived alone and caused damage you’d move on with your day and take responsibility for it. That would be a proportionate response to causing damage. No one would shout at you.

So why stay in a situation where you’re made fearful?

Never opened a bottle of fizz over the sink, nor has DH, if it overflows, it gets wiped up.

We have a home, not a show house. Yes, my lovely new granite worktop got a chip by the sink. Don’t know who’s responsible. My dining room has multiple trails of gravy on the carpet (‘cos my DH is very fond of gravy, and is quite clumsy) it doesn’t clean off, so we’re replacing the carpet with wood.

Stuff happens, accidents happen, end of! No big deal.

If DH had ever got stroppy with me over an accident, I’d have seriously considered our relationship….

Oh do fuck off @nonbinaryfinery From reading this I’m guessing this is a woman doubting and questioning herself because she has worn down by months/ years of living with an abusive c**t ( I deplore that word but nothing else is bad enough).

Op - I’m been in a similar position you should ensure this is your last new year with this bollix.

Those composite kitchen benchtops seem to chip if you breathe on them. I;d never have one again. After 4 years with ours we had at least 5 chips.
Tell your partner to fuck off and go to bed and watch a movie that you love. And deal with it in the morning.
I accidentally broke 3 of my DH's favourite beer glasses ( all at different times). His respone - "Not again!, I'm starting to think you're doing it purposefully. "
I've scoured the internet for replacements but no luck. Accidents happen and your DH is a DH. Soz

Feeling that he was out of order after reading the replies and considering it is a tiny chip and not the norm that I go around damaging stuff. It ruined new years day with the shouting and berating.

Imo HE ruined your day OP. Don’t stand for it.

My ExH would often react to like your partner. I was often on edge but always hopeful he would treat me the way I treated him (like an adult).
I was often put in the position of feeling I needed to 'fix' things.
One of the last instances was his insistence I paid for a recovery truck as the car broke down when carrying out an errand in my favour. He felt totally justified that I should carry the entire burden of cost (married, kids, joint finances).
I left soon after and have a lovely DH whose reaction to an accident/incident is always' are you ok?'.
I'm not sure why people react like your DP but I do know it's not normal and there is a life for you OP beyond this. A world where you can drop and break things and deal with it in like grown ups.
You are supposed to be a team.
I don't understand why so many posters are suggesting you are 'at fault' here as it was an accident.
Also very controlling to make you open a bottle in a specific place. Spills can be mopped ffs.

Why doesn't he open them himself? Is he setting you up to fail?

I hope you don't have children?

If you don't, don't let a house stop you getting out of this abusive relationship.

Please do not have children with this man, it is not a good enough relationship.

Op this is completely unacceptable and abusive.
Please get out of this relationship and enjoy the rest of this year not scared or upset in your own home.
If that had happened here dh or I would check the other was ok and move on.
It's annoying when things happen but that reaction and you feeling so awful is cruel .
How dare he make you feel so awful about an accident in a house you pay for too .

Miserable controlling bastard and his shit quality sink. Rip it out, replace it with a simple stainless steel one that won't chip when you open a bottle of champagne to celebrate deciding to leave this loser and sort the house and paperwork out in due course. Life is too short to put up with this rubbish.

Even if it didn't being verbally abused is enough to LTB.

Op There is NO good reason for your OH shouting, breating, scaring you, and treating you like a naughty child.

This is your joint home, your joint kitchen, you are a grown woman, his partner - not his servant or employee or child. You don't make a habit of breaking or damaging things through carelessmess. It was a one-off accident. Not even a big deal. A small chip.

You should matter to him a million times more than a chip in a sink. He should respect you as his equal, speak to you as his equal, treat you with love and kindness.

You did nothing wrong. You had an accident. Noone was hurt. It's small damage that is barely noticeable (and can be repaired if you want to).

He was entirely unreasonable. He sounds like a bully. It sounds like this isn't the first time he's berated you. It sounds like he has you walking on eggshells, frightened of angering him. This is not normal or acceptable in a relationship.

You deserve better. Please leave him. You'll learn what it's like to live in peace and calm without having the nasty bully around.

Op - this is a red flag for your relationship and one you have to deal with . I do think you need to speak to your partner about it a calm and sensible manner i.e not at the time of the incident .How this is not acceptable to you .
It is a total overreaction and as others have said you should not feel that you are living in a show home and are terrified to do anything for fear that you might accidentally spill something etc .
I too had a partner like this , who would berate and question relentlessly about why damage had occurred . Why had it happened etc. I wouldn't stand for it and would answer back and yes he did the same to our kids . I would always intervene .

I think it is also important to flag up that some people are just more clumsy than others . I do have dyspraxia traits and this is also likely to be genetic and will impact children as well .

I am not breaking things on a daily basis but do have issues with spatial awareness / co - ordination so I am probably more clumsy than others . I am also annoyed with myself when I break something especially if it is something that is sentimental etc .

So I do think others have to distinguish between those who show no respect for others property and those that are more clumsy . Here the property in question was jointly owned and you were also following the advice he had previously given you about opening bottles at the sink . It was an accident and with anything an element of wear and tear has to be expected .
This is not how you should treat someone else and especially your significant other .

Oh, OP, your h's behaviour is totally U. What a twat. It was an ACCIDENT. (And I think your sink should not have chipped!)

He was totally U to have gone on and on about it.

Is he often like that? Do you want to leave him?

This is really helpful actually as if I am honest with myself I am quite clumsy. But like you I'm not causing damage on a daily basis. He said today that he feels I just don't respect our things and like we can't have nice things. I really really do try to have respect for our things. He said I had to understand the impact of it or I'll keep doing it. But part of me thinks I'll keep doing it now and then as it's not on purpose! I can see why he was annoyed but the main thing bothering me is he could see me sitting crying my eyes out and just continued to go on and on at me knowing it was an accident.

There's been a few occasions he's had a rant at me like that but yesterday was really the worst I can remember. I don't want to leave him but equally don't want him to think it is ok to behave towards me that way. I do think he is a perfectionist and also gets very stressed about money so it's like that one thing has fed into the other money stresses and made it seem like a huge issue.