I made a mistake - is he overreacting

[Frenchvanilla1991]

We started dinner for new years Day and I was opening a bottle of fizz. I have often been moaned at for not opening the bottle of fizz over the sink so I realised after standing at the bin and removing the foil etc I need to open it over the sink. Did this in a rush as the cork worked it's way up and ended up hitting the edge of the bottle off the composite sink and taking a tiny chip out of it. He went mad at me and had me in tears, telling me I have no respect for our things. I was trying to be respectful by moving to the sink. I felt honestly very upset and scared as there was nothing I could do to calm him down from the damage I'd done and he kept berating me for not taking care of the house (i really try to) . AIBU? I'll attach a photo of the damage for context.

OP, you need to wake the hell up. You are in an abusive relationship. Accidental damage should never excuse being yelled at and made to cry. Stop thinking you have somehow warranted this kind of reaction.

I've just bought a new house with my partner, and he would never act like this if I caused a chip. He'd probably role his eyes and forget about it in 10 minutes. That's about it.

I get that there may be upset if it's a new kitchen. But your partners reaction is not normal.

I agree with all of this.

Also - what if the roles were reversed? Would you be angry if he accidentally caused a tiny chip? If you were, would he be full of contrition and offering to pay for an expensive and unnecessary repair?

Years ago my plumber chipped my brand new basin before he'd installed it. I rolled my eyes and said it added character. I valued my relationship with him as the fixer of my bathroom and heating, more than a little chip that could be fixed.

Get a kintsugi kit, make a feature out of the chip. Then contact women's aid, get your paperwork and finances in order, start logging behaviours like this and kick him to the curb.

Are you planning on having kids with this specimen?
Because it won't only be you being verbally and emotionally abused by a controlling prick, but any future messy, hashy, accident prone children.

The damage is irrespective, it was an accident! We drink a lot of fizz and never open over the sink tbh.

I think your issue is bigger than a chipped sink if your DH treats you that way. Yes it's frustrating but not deserving of his response.

However the damage happened, neither of you have reacted in a healthy way. He’s justified in being frustrated if you’re repeatedly clumsy or careless but not to the point of intimidating you and making you second guess your every action.

I have no time for men who shout at women. It’s despicable behaviour.

FFS no way would a cork chip a sink, marginally possible if the cage was still attached but otherwise it's a mark/chip from something else the pratt is blaming you for.

In any case it's fizz - part of the vibe is opening it at the table - where does he get off telling you where to open it?

Your post has more red flags than most on MN, you need help - please, please get it before you become a statistic.

Unless this is totally out of the norm for his behaviour towards you, I’d think long & hard about your future with this man. If he has no remorse for this episode, that tells you all you need to know.

Ffs this is ridiculous and so are lots of people's responses to you. It's tiny! But it was an accident. We finally got our own house and brand new carpets throughout. Within the first 3 months DH burnt a tiny hole (bigger than your chip) in the carpet from the fireplace. It was an accident. Me losing my shit and going mad doesn't change it. It just makes us both feel crap. It's life and it's a bloody carpet or a bloody sink. Every time I hoover up it actually makes me laugh now. I do things he does things. We are not careless, we don't have a shit ton of money, we love the things we have managed to get, but we are human and accidents happen. In the grand scheme of things, people are more important and he's a knob.

@Bobbing46 That is not what OCD is. OCD is extremely debilitating and takes over your life. It has absolutely nothing to do with being observant, noticing details or any kind of superpowers.

You need to leave him. You know you do.

I had to phone my husband and say his car which I'd be driving had been damaged. He said as long as you're all right that's all that matters. Somebody had hit car which was properly parked and I wasn't even in the car. But his first impulse was to check I was all right, not rant about his car being damaged.

Incidentally, I've never opened champagne over the sink. My main concern is keeping hold of the cork so it doesn't hit something causing damage. My husband doesn't give me orders about opening bottles. Occasionally, he has had to ease out a stubborn cork.

Have you thought of upgrading? I think you might have got a bit of a lemon there.

It is not your fault. Think about the example you gave - he blamed you for some damage which his sister did!

You need to stand up for yourself - stay calm and speak firmly and clearly. ‘Your behaviour is not acceptable, we’ll discuss this calmly tomorrow. I’ll get a quote for the repair.’

You are not living a normal life. You are living a life in which it is normalised that you can’t count the number of blow ups he’s had, and this recent incident made you scared.
You will eventually be much happier if you leave him. You are notto blame for his ‘blow ups’. He is.

Yes, he is overreacting. No, it isn't your fault. You would feel a lot better about yourself if you could get some distance from the vile man. Ideally leave him, but as a small first step try detaching mentally. Try looking at him through the eyes of the MN nest of vipers, and while you're at it, be kinder to yourself. Telling yourself, "everybody breaks things, what a dick he is," might make you feel a bit stronger!

A few years ago, my then bf of a year reversed into my car. Big dent in the side door! He felt so bad, I swallowed my momentary irritation and reassured him it wasn't a big deal. We are now married and both of us are very chilled and reassuring when the other does something dumb!

You don’t have to stay in a relationship like this. You’re worth more. New year and all.

My husband chipped our worktop recently while trying to repair the dishwasher. I shrugged and said, oh well, never mind, we’ll sort it at some point.

Your partner is massively overreacting and you shouldn’t be afraid in your own home.

Years ago I listened to a phone in with Aggie Mackenzie of Kim and Aggie. A caller asked how to remove scratches from her sink. My ears pricked up as mine’s scratched to buggery. Aggie’s response was that no one has a pristine sink as it’s used, will be marked, show the accidents people have had, be part of a home not a showhouse.
My in-laws were uptight about their home. It was a total PITA and made us tense. As a result we have a more relaxed attitude about the “stuff” in our house where people’s feelings and fun are more important. Jeez, my aunt used to pencil in children’s heights and dates on her door frames. It was a real pleasure to visit her.
I’d be surprised if Mr Perfect doesn’t make a mistake in the next few weeks. Be kind and accepting to show how he could have dealt with this. Start the new year as you mean to go on.
Homes aren’t perfect and neither are people.

I actually have OCD. I have intrusion thoughts, compulsions and debilitating anxiety. I also see things that other people don't see. You might not see it as a superpower but I can spot a bloody snag, dink, damage, minor color difference a mile away and I'll bloody well celebrate that as a superpower because fuck me I'm entitled to so sort of upside. Even if that upside also makes me highly uncomfortable.

I left a tea towel near a gas ring that was on 2 weeks after moving into our new house , it set on fire and burnt a massive mark in our laminate worktop - we were just graceful the smoke alarm had gone off as it could have been a lot worse.
DH hugged me, dried my tears and we bought an opaque chopping board to cover it until we could replace the worktop (10 years later).
It was an accident like yours was - your partner is an abusive arse.
Don't blame yourself - just leave.

my husband, who I love dearly, is a clumsy arse. always spilling stuff, breaking stuff etc. and I WILL raise my voice a bit and tell him to be more careful, look where he's going, etc.
but.
then I let it drop. it won't undo anything. he's always been clumsy and careless. he apologises, I tell him to try and be more careful in future, and we get on with our day, no grudges held. accidents happen. he's always been that way, and the likelihood of him changing is pretty minimal. it's VERY frustrating, but I love him more than I love the things he's accidentally broken and damaged.
how he's treated you over an accident is not okay

I'm not sure if you have kids yet, but if you do now or in the future, they WILL cause worse damage than this. You need to calmly ask him if that is how he will be speaking to your future toddler. If he has form for speaking to you like that then I would be very worried!

Otherwise, if you google "fix a chip in a composite sink" you will find special kits to fix it.

The last thing I wanted to say, but which isn't going to help with much, it's just an aside, is you don't need to open bubbly over a sink. Take the foil and cage off and then grip the cork in your right hand (if you're right handed) and the bottom of the bottle in your left hand and gently twist the bottle. So long as you haven't shaken the bottle, it won't spill. There is probably a YouTube video about it.

doesn't matter. would you be saying the same if their drink of choice was red or white wine?
for all we know, fizz could be their go to for when they want a glass of wine

Even if yoh break things daily, there is no excuse for him to think he can berate you to the point of tears.

He sounds like a wanker tbh.