I made a mistake - is he overreacting

[Frenchvanilla1991]

We started dinner for new years Day and I was opening a bottle of fizz. I have often been moaned at for not opening the bottle of fizz over the sink so I realised after standing at the bin and removing the foil etc I need to open it over the sink. Did this in a rush as the cork worked it's way up and ended up hitting the edge of the bottle off the composite sink and taking a tiny chip out of it. He went mad at me and had me in tears, telling me I have no respect for our things. I was trying to be respectful by moving to the sink. I felt honestly very upset and scared as there was nothing I could do to calm him down from the damage I'd done and he kept berating me for not taking care of the house (i really try to) . AIBU? I'll attach a photo of the damage for context.

I see the photo but where is the chip? I see two areas of discoloration what are those?

Amazed at all the people insinuating that OP somehow deserved this.
She doesn’t .OP, this man is abusing you

I have often been moaned at for not opening the bottle of fizz over the sink

Blimey how much fizz do you get through if you're "often" moaned at about how you open it?

Your action/the chip is irrelevant. If he’s unable to manage his anger, that’s the real issue.

You should never feel scared.

I think you should leave him if this is something that happens fairly often which it clearly is.

Sorry I have had a few drinks after this happened as just felt upset so maybe not explaining myself well. I don't think I have really ever ruined stuff in the house and I certainly notice a family member who is a bit of a wrecking ball. I take care of my stuff as.have spent so much money on the new kitchen. @OhcantthInkofaname it's just a tiny chip above the top bit of discolouration on the edge

I don't care how often you chip the sink, OP - there's no excuse for your partner making you feel scared and in tears. He sounds awful - does he often get angry like this?

Yes. Quite telling isn't it? '

He’s abusive. You’re a grown woman. He has no right to berate you, especially not at length over an accident that I can’t even see from the pic. Read this book. I’m sure you will see him in there and once you have, contact women’s aid to get support to make an exit plan. He won’t get better, they never do.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

He sounds utterly awful, it’s a sink not a priceless ming vase

does he display this level of twattery very often?

Abuse OP.

Next time point it at his head

It was an accident and he completely overreacted . If the shoe had been on the other foot you would have been far more forgiving. I dare say he does not show this level of anger towards work colleagues.

i would seriously consider if this is a relationship you want to remain in. You have every right to be in a relationship free from being abused.

noticing a teeny defect is not super human…

Why do you think he's your boss?

In autumn 2014 I was cooking for my then DP, who wasn't very well, in his kitchen. I broke the glass hob by dropping something heavy on it. His reaction was to say "never mind", ring for a takeaway and look for a new hob on the internet. (Yes, Reader, I married him.)

That is how someone who loved you would react, @Frenchvanilla1991.

The fact that you caused the damage because you were rushing to the sink because you were already fearful of his reaction if you didn't, shows you are walking on eggshells in your own house and are scared of him. He sounds horrific.

My DH would have had the bottle over his head if spoke to me like that.

We don’t need to see proof, OP. We believe you. Your partner sounds controlling - you are an adult, it’s your sink too, he doesn’t need to tell you off.

Sheesh, it's an accident FFS. His reaction was mental and you should never, NEVER feel scared of your partner.

I've had way worse accidents and all DH does is help me get it fixed. That's why they're called accidents and not "on purposes".

@Frenchvanilla1991 Just for clarity, you helped pay foe the kitchen in HIS house? Not a joint mortgage, his house?
Is he your husband or your partner?
How long have you been together?
Do you have Children?
How long have you been together, lived together?
How many times has he blown up?

You sound afraid, understandably. 😪

I felt honestly very upset and scared as there was nothing I could do to calm him down

This is unacceptable in what is meant to be a relationship between two loving equals. This is why you will eventually leave him, OP - he has a right to be upset about the sink but no right whatsoever to be making you feel frightened and walking on eggshells. It is not your job to 'calm him down'.

I can bet that this pattern exists in all parts of your relationship. You will start to see it now. You WILL eventually leave him. Do not leave it until you are old. You need to have a good long think about whether to go now whilst you still have most of a wonderful life ahead of you, or to waste your days trying to Be a Good Girl and placating him.

Firstly, there are professional snagging firms that will have this repaired and looking like new for a small fee.

But more importantly, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. It’s ok for DH to be annoyed that the sink has got damaged, but he shouldn’t be berating you for it. At the end of the day, it’s just a sink. Nobody died. Yes, it’s irritating. Yes, it’s a job to be done which wasn’t needed. Yes, it was avoidable. And yes, it’s a pain to have the expense in January. But nobody died.

He needs to learn to control his emotions better.

I'd notice it, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It's a kitchen; it'll get damaged.

What's his problem, speaking to you like that? Don't stand for it. Tell him to get a grip.

He sounds like a pain in the ass. Even if his anger was in part reasonable (which I’m not saying it was) you don’t sound compatible in the slightest. You’d probably be better off investing in a new relationship than a new sink.

@Frenchvanilla1991 I cant even see a chip??? I have a couple of bad chips on my grantite worktop but honestly it doesnt affect the use so why is he getting his boxers in a twist??? i took a decent sized chip out when it was only 3 months old!

I can’t see it at all? He sounds very unreasonable. I say this as someone who is married to someone who breaks, chips things. Drops plates and spills drink on pale carpets all of the time.

It’s irritating but I don’t shout. I have asked him to go to Dr in the past as I was concerned there was an issue physically which was causing it but decades later I now know he just is extremely careless and we will never have anything nice.

It’s not acceptable for him to scream and shout at you. For your sake I’d reconsider the relationship as this doesn’t sound healthy.

We either accept our partners as they are or we don’t and we seperate.