I made a mistake - is he overreacting

[Frenchvanilla1991]

We started dinner for new years Day and I was opening a bottle of fizz. I have often been moaned at for not opening the bottle of fizz over the sink so I realised after standing at the bin and removing the foil etc I need to open it over the sink. Did this in a rush as the cork worked it's way up and ended up hitting the edge of the bottle off the composite sink and taking a tiny chip out of it. He went mad at me and had me in tears, telling me I have no respect for our things. I was trying to be respectful by moving to the sink. I felt honestly very upset and scared as there was nothing I could do to calm him down from the damage I'd done and he kept berating me for not taking care of the house (i really try to) . AIBU? I'll attach a photo of the damage for context.

It really is. Op writes that she felt scared and some posters respond like this.

For context
It's a joint mortgage. Just my partner and no kids. Been together 9 years, lived together for 6/7. Can't count the amount of blow ups but today was a clear example

I’d be pretty annoyed in the moment too. It would annoy me every time I saw it too. So I get it. But id also be super p’d at myself if I did it and give myself an equally hard time if I caused the accident myself

It sounds very much like a relationship where there is emotional abuse and/or coercive control. You shouldn’t be frightened of, or frightened by, your partner- ever. Not because you forgot to open the bottle by the sink, and not because in your fear of doing it in the wrong place you hurried and accidentally chipped the sink (I couldn’t see the damage in your photo). Please read the Lundy Bancroft book- it’s really eye opening- and consider taking part in the Freedom programme. I also hope you can leave him. This sort of behaviour can destroy your sense of self and self esteem.

So you’re not married, no children & this is is common occurrence?

why do you stay?

End the relationship, move out, and force the sale of the house to get your equity back.
You will regret it if you don't do this.

Sounds like he’s controlling you and his reaction is a massive massive red flag.

No one would ever raise their voice to me over this. Or if they did, it would be the first and last time. Please don't have children with this man.

To be fair I am. I was so upseti ended up asking what can I do to fix it and eventually settled on I'll pay for the repair or new sink

I live alone. If I accidentally took a tiny chip out of something, I'd do more than say whoops.

YANBU. He sounds like a nightmare.

So you’re so scared of him you agreed to pay to stop him berating & shouting at you?

again why do you stay?

I never understand people who value things over people. Messed up. Also, it was an accident! Accidents happen. If it’s your joint home, his reaction is even more outrageous.
whenever we broke things as kids, my mum would always say “never mind, it’s only a dead thing. Nobody died”. I love that attitude.

I don't know, I feel it's all my fault

Being spoken down to for half an hour?

He's abusive.

A. his reaction is over the top and agressive.
B. he criticised you for NOT doing it over the sink, and then had a go when you did.
C. if a cork damages a sink, that's not a suitable material to make a sink out of.

Does not realise accidents happen , that’s why we have home insurance?
He sounds awful OP you shouldn’t feel threatened in your own home x

He’s an abusive prick. He has chipped (pardon the pub) away at your confidence so much you are doubting yourself.
It was an accident.
I’ve no idea why it’s been drummed into you to open bottles over the sink 🤷🏼‍♀️ that’s ridiculous in itself.
I expect however that this incident is the latest in a long list of occasions when he has made you that feel shit; make it the last one and don’t put up with this bully any longer.

It really doesn't sound like a happy relationship. He has an anger problem, and shouting at you like he did is not acceptable at all.

You should rethink this relationship, and hopefully get the house on the market and go your separate ways. Don't be getting the sink fixed, it's barely noticeable. Use that money instead to save up for your new house that you'll enjoy on your own.

Make sure your contraception is watertight, nothing worse than bringing children into a relationship with an angry man.

Do not have kids with this man. LTB

You shouldn't have to "pay for it", it's your kitchen too!

You made that tiny chip in the sink, and it was accidental. So you could say it was your fault, but it wasn't deliberate.

Did the punishment fit the crime?

No it did not.

He’s a bully. LTB. Really,

That’s what he wants you to think. They always do.

PPs commenting on the chip and asking if OP often damages things are focusing on the same irrelevant points as the partner.
She's living in fear.

She went to the sink to open the bottle to (try to) avoid his disapproval just this time.

OP take some breaths. This here today is not your fault and you're not shit.

You're going to be OK. You can take some time to think now, over all the times this and similar has happened. All the times others (his sister?) have done similar minor accidentental damage and not been bullied.

Whether you're regularly second guessing yourself, trying to deflect his blaming and/or feeling afraid. And over the information and support you'll get here.

Back yourself. Be your own best friend. Don't panic. MN is here for you.

This is no way to live, OP. Normal people realise accidents happen, that you cannot expect to keep a lived-in house immaculate, and that actually a little bit of damage doesn't matter. You need to get out and start living a normal life.