Hubby brought up the "body count" question. Should I lie? After years, I don't know what's worse?!

[AthenaGals01]

As title, I'm not ashamed but I have no idea anymore these days what counts as "high", fear I am even though with him a while (faithfully)! Don't know how to respond? What have you all said?

None of his damn business, you don’t need judging.

I wouldn't want to know or to tell. There's nothing 'bad' about mine, it's just not a question I see any good coming from.

I would say I don’t feel any need to talk about it.

Ewww I hate the term 'body count'. Also, wtf does it even matter!

This 'body count' phrase is awful

If you've not had the conversation in the earlier times of your relationship, there's no need to have it now.

‘It’s none of your business’ is the correct response.

Well what did he say was his? Seems unreasonable to ask if he’s not disclosed his own number first. That also, it also seems odd that you’ve got to a point where you’re married and he obviously didn’t care then so why is he asking now? It’s odd that he cares what happened before him at this point.

Just laugh it off.
or have a serious conversation “Look I don’t want to discuss things from decades ago, the number is not something I am in any way embarrassed about, but I am also not prepared to ever discuss it.”
If pressed I would say “I am not telling you the number, but if you tell me what number is too high for you, then I promise to end the relationship if I’m above it so you don’t have to worry about it.

The only time a "body count" is necessary or anyone else's business is if it relates to bodies you've had to bury and you're some mad serial killer, failing that, why do they need to know.

"I lost my virginity to my childhood sweetheart. Then there was a nasty brute who told me he loved me but was really using me. So I swore off sex until I met my one true love, and that's when you came into my life."

He's one of those men who values his worth in terms of how many men his female significant other has had sex with. So the correct answer is, "the fact that you're asking me this question shows me that you care more about being seen with a 'virtuous' woman than in me as a person. For that reason alone, I'm out. I will find someone who values me for my personality and values."

TL;DR: LTB

Thank you ❤️

What have you all said?

As I've never applied for a job as assassin, I've never been asked.

Seriously, it's a horrible, dehumanising way to ask a misogynistic question. So if anyone does ask, the answer is 'Bog off. And stop watching Andrew Tate, or we're through.'

I lost count after 5. Because I realised it really didn't matter as long as I was happy and safe.

"I stopped counting after 30."

It's like being asked how many friends have you had. Well, I never kept count. And some of them were brilliant but we lost touch, and some were just good for that time of my life, some have stuck around, a couple I'm desperate to get rid of, and then there are the two or three who have utterly betrayed me and made me question whether they were ever actually my friends or just using me.

I would say I am not a 16 year old twat so I don't engage with such stupid conversations.

That's what the expression makes me think of too

None of his business.
Not a conversation I would have. Made the mistake of chatting about this with DP early days of dating - I wasn't bothered - and he got weird and jealous. We very nearly split up over it. I'd refuse to discuss this now with a partner.

Exactly!

The fact that he’s using the phrase “body count “ suggests that this comes from modern internet stuff about women”s worth being inversely related to the number of her partners. I therefore wouldn’t see this as N innocent question at all. You are quite justified in treating it as a hostile question and answering accordingly.

What would worry me about this is the term “body count” - it would make me think he’s consuming Andrew Tate type stuff.

My DP and I know each other’s but it just came up in conversation, it wasn’t really A Thing.

It's a vile term but I've heard women use the phrase too. It's horrible and dehumanising. I just imagine a headless body which i guess is all it amounts to for the sort of people who ask that question.

I read an old twitter thing by Andrew Tate and he used that term. Red flag!

Less than Madonna and more than Princess Diana. I hope.

Although now we are 30 years on from Four Weddings and a Funeral - the correct answer these days is - it doesn't matter - does it.