Hubby brought up the "body count" question. Should I lie? After years, I don't know what's worse?!

[AthenaGals01]

As title, I'm not ashamed but I have no idea anymore these days what counts as "high", fear I am even though with him a while (faithfully)! Don't know how to respond? What have you all said?

And actually, OP doesn't say that her husband used that phrase. She has called it "the body count question" but she isn't clear that this is the wording he actually used.

What's the point of going over history? I certainly know DP's history is intimidating. Nevertheless, it serves no purpose judging or dwelling on past events.
Why has he brought this up?

This is a discussion ai simply don't engage in. No desire to know, no desire to tell.

The past is behind you. What on earth is his motivation for bringing it up now?

Oh dear... beware, he's falling down an incel rabbit hole. I'd tell him to get off the Internet and never use the term 'body count' around me again unless he was angling for a divorce.

I am really not being inflammatory here, so please don’t take it that way but those of you who wouldn’t tell your partner, why is that?
I know you are going to say it’s not their business but is there more to it?
I cannot see a world in which someone’s sexual history wouldn’t be a factor in whether I slept with them. If they had engaged in risky sexual behaviours I wouldn’t want to sleep with them.
I suppose you can argue once you have slept with them my argument becomes irrelevant and that is a fair point.
However, at the beginning of the relationship why wouldn’t you discuss it if a potential partner wanted to?

Totally puzzled by this response. @CharliesAngels81 - in your view what does it say about the woman?

I would have to sit down with pen and paper to work mine out, and then l would probably miss someone. And l’m not ashamed. Sex (safe sex) is good.

As for the term body count, surely offensive to those who have lost loved ones in the pandemic, disasters and war zones.

I wouldn't discuss it at the beginning of a relationship because it would signal that they are controlling/insecure and would use it as a guide to value my "worth".

I would happily initiate a conversation around us both getting STI tested before having sex without condoms. All I need to know in reality is, do you have an STI? How many people they've slept with won't tell me anything about that.

Serious answer is to tell him to fuck off. The unserious answer is that once you reach two Matts you can switch to simply counting in Matts, like tally marks. I'm at 3 Matts and some other people who were not called Matt

This.

I don't even know how many men I have slept with and have no intention of counting to find out.

Its a fucking stupid juvenile way of viewing people and relationships and I have no intention of doing it.

Princess Diana did a lot of shagging about, so I wouldn't use her as the bottom end of the scale.

I’d never tell anyone not even dh (I think people I mix with it’s one or two and I didn’t marry til 32 so mine is more)

I'd not want to tell or to know someone else's either. Some may consider mine "high".

This makes sense.
I married at 18 so have never had to have these conversations as an adult, so my experience and decision were very much based on what we taught at school. I would never have thought of it as judging worth only a health issue which as you point out is cleared up with an STI check.

I’ve done 2 Matts, but l’ll try and catch up with you in the new year 😉.

There was also a Matilda, l enjoy a little variety in life 🌈. I’m right down the middle on Kinsey. What would the OP’s “hubby” make of me 👩‍❤️‍👩.

If he wants to know, fine, I dont see the issue but if he gets upset if you tell him he's an idiot and it's his own fault for asking. Me and DH know how many people we've slept with before we got together, couldn't care any less!

It's odd he's asking now. We talked about it very early on, but more to gauge general experiences. Both of were fairly promiscuous before we met, so both brought a.... wealth... of experiences to the table.

Honestly, I’d always want to know someone’s sexual and relationship past.

How experienced they are in certain things, what “kind” of sex and relationships did they have before us, how has that shaped things now, etc.

It’s not necessarily in a judgmental way, because the answers make little difference, I just think it helps really “know” someone - and it’s genuinely interesting to me.

We’ve had the “how many” conversation, and tbh I think it was me started it!

I would answer with, in the duration of our relationship, just you and that is all that is relevant to you.

Go all Nessa and tell him a wild story about needing to talk to you accountant from your high end call girl days, then add in a couple of rock stars.

I would respond with 'erm there is 2 under the patio, 3 or 4 at sea, a couple in a ditch oh and a few in some suitcases in the loft, I haven't decided what I'm going to do with yours yet!'
🙄body count what a revolting term.

Hah! I'd need a private investigator, a time machine and a spreadsheet 😂

If l was using a spreadsheet l would also require an auditor! 🤣

Body count phrase is grim other than that tell him to feck off , or you can't remember 😂

This.

We’ve had the “how many” conversation, and tbh I think it was me started it!

So have we. It was no big deal.

I really don’t like the term “body count” though.