Hubby brought up the "body count" question. Should I lie? After years, I don't know what's worse?!

[AthenaGals01]

As title, I'm not ashamed but I have no idea anymore these days what counts as "high", fear I am even though with him a while (faithfully)! Don't know how to respond? What have you all said?

‘1,2,3,4…does a threesome count as 1or 2, are we counting just willies? Can I use excel, make a pivot table…’

Mine is actually single figures and in 17 years my husband and I have never discussed it so I don’t know if he was with 4 or 40. It’s the past and has be bearing on us now. We did not get a full sti check when we became exclusive and stopped using condoms.

The fact he's asking is a massive red flag that he's falling down the MGTOW, manosphere misogynistic rabbit hole helmed by Andrew Tate and his ilk.

I wouldn't answer because there is no answer that will satisfy these types if you weren't a virgin when you met, and if you say a low number he'll probably accuse you of lying so I wouldn't say a fucking thing. I would seriously be reconsidering my marriage if he's been getting into that shit too. Xx

NEVER lie(i hate lies). ..
easy option=point out you can choose tween 1 and million.may or may not be true.none relevant.chase yourself...

When I was younger I didn't realise how many men really cared about this, many who would pretend not to but in reality did and would judge or say something out of order.

Because of this and because he used the term body count,I'd be pretty cautious. Part of me wants to say just be honest and if he judges you now after all this time, what a twat. But then if there's any inkling he's going to judge you badly and leaving isn't really an option, I'd possibly lie.

I'd first of all be asking ' why are you asking that out of curiosity ' 'so what's yours DH?'. I think from those answers I'd gauge how to reply.

Now, being long term single thank god, I'd say none of your bloody business and laugh but you're in this marriage and might not be in a position to say that without some fall out - all depending on what his true thoughts and views are on this subject. Only you have an idea what he's like.

Say its under 5, how would he know it's rude to ask anyway, I have a very low body count as I got married really young BUT I hate this toxic men can sleep with a hundred women & if a woman has slept with more than 1 they are ruined it's not the 1800s as a church going Christian if you had fun, Jesus still loves you so no1s opinion should matter x

ask him why he’s sounding insecure and if he tells you the problem you can talk about it, but you are not answering that question as it’s irrelevant.

Tell him the truth If you're not ashamed, and then decide if you want to proceed with the relationship once you know his reaction.

yeah...when a man brings this up, it is a massive red flag. The root causes are varied and none of them are encouraging: from low selfsteem to outright sexism.
The problem is that some men will want to see if you are above a certain benchmark and some others below that value.
There is nothing to gained from this kind of conversations. Simply tell him that you don't want to discuss your sexual past.

Did he also ask where you'd buried them? I'd check him for surveillance devices before answering. You can never know who law enforcement has turned against you.

Good god I that phrase is so awful.

I would say I respect every person I've been intimate with too much to answer to an idiot who calls them "bodies".

What a horrible expression.

Tell him "since I've been with you, just the one. Before that isn't really your business"

I also hate the term body count... makes me think of a sniper counting up his kills or something.
Tell him the number is between 1 and 100... i wouldn't tell him anything though tbh, no answer will be the right answer. Why does he suddenly want to know?

I think you can't do better than Dorothy Parker
"Oh gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine,
The second love was water in a clear, cold, cup,
The third love was his,
The fourth love was mine.
.. and after that i alwaysget them all mixed up..."

This has absolutely nothing to do with him and demonstrates his insecurity and wanting to control. It sounds as if he is concerned that he is not as good between the sheets as others may have been.

It also smacks of double standards.

l am in my 40s and well into double figures. It is not a case of not being ashamed. I am proud of myself with regard to everyone I’ve had sex with. But the number has nothing to do with anyone else.

I think you need to find a new husband who doesn't believe in misogynistic concepts like body count.

Who has influenced him to ask this question?
Refuse to engage.
It never ends well. Next it will be, who had the best body, best moves and on and on and on. Men can be really insecure about these things.
Don't give him ammunition to use against you.

I asked my partner his number (purely out of curiosity) and so he returned the question. I told him that I was an absolute slapper when I was younger & had no idea how many - but it was certainly a lot. He laughed, we moved on.

IMHO unless you are confident of a positive and supportive response from your partner - no matter what the answer, you have a possible husband problem.

These are my favourites:

As I've never applied for a job as assassin, I've never been asked.

‘1,2,3,4…does a threesome count as 1or 2, are we counting just willies? Can I use excel, make a pivot table…’

Seriously, it's a horrible, dehumanising way to ask a misogynistic question. So if anyone does ask, the answer is 'Bog off. And stop watching Andrew Tate

This

Don’t let him make his insecurities your problem.

Kitty Lester... something's are better left unsaid.
Don't know how to put up YouTube vid/song.

'That's creepy ass question, it's none of your business, and btw, that phrase is vile'

I would imagine he doesn't really want to know.

It's just the latest phrase "body count" (🤮🤢) so brought it up.

I'd just say - it's never mattered before and doesn't now.

Funny to get to the point of being married without discussing this! My DH knows mine (approximately) and I'd never lie, what's the point?

Says more about the woman who wouldn't answer truthfully.

Avoid the question id say! Mine is low, my partner's is very high. We haven't mentioned exact numbers. I don't think it can go anywhere positive if we did. Funnily enough, my partner is the one who would probably be bothered

Oh my, does this calculation suffer from the "swimming length syndrome" of having to swim again because I can't recall if my total is w 9 or 7.