Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy asked me my religion within 15 mins of first date! Bin him?

306 replies

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:49

Hi all,

Dipped my toe in OLD about a year ago. It's been a year lol. 32 female.

I went on a date with a guy a few weeks back.

Perhaps my post would be better in Craicnet (I'm N.I)

The guy asked me within 15 mins of the date if I was a particular religion ( his religion) obviously hoping that I was.

I just think it's a bit rude and a touchy subject in N.I, especially one a first date.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone this as I don't feel it's appropriate and it doesn't matter to me. I wasn't brought up like that!

I brushed it under the carpet as I wouldn't want an argument on the first date. Apart from that we got on and I found other things he said very funny.

We have texted quite a bit since, second date arranged, but I had to cancel due to being sick.

But it has played on my mind he felt it okay to ask me this. He is a 35 year old man and should know better, ffs!

Am I being oversensitive? Or should I throw this one back?

OP posts:
Candy24 · 22/12/2024 23:51

Hevwill probably throw you back..... also it is a normal question to ask.

MumChp · 22/12/2024 23:51

Why not ask?

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@MumChp - it's N.I, so it's a bit of a touchy subject

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/12/2024 23:52

I don’t see the problem?

People want someone who shares their views, surely?

It’s like a left-winger finding out their date is a UKipper. Disappointing.

Hayley1256 · 22/12/2024 23:52

Personally I wouldn't have even gone on a date without knowing if they were religious. I'm a atheist and don't think a relationship with someone who was really religious would work for me. I think it's an important part of someone to know as it can cause disagreements when it it come to family life if your not in the same page

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@Candy24 - are you in/from N.I?

OP posts:
Lampan · 22/12/2024 23:53

Surely it’s sensible to get things like this cleared up early on though? It’s clearly important to him, maybe even a dealbreaker for him. (In which case he should have probably asked you before the date).
But I think the fact that it is a touchy subject in NI makes is more sense that he would try to find out? Easier to know where you stand and how to relate to someone.

iwishihadaname · 22/12/2024 23:53

maybe he does not to be in a relationship with someone of a different faith or his family won’t accept someone of a different faith. Better to ask at the start so no attachment is formed

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 22/12/2024 23:53

It's a sensitive issue in NI and I'd throw him back.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was biased regarding religion. Even if he's the same one as you.

MumChp · 22/12/2024 23:53

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@MumChp - it's N.I, so it's a bit of a touchy subject

But if it is important for you why wait?

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 22/12/2024 23:55

MumChp · 22/12/2024 23:53

But if it is important for you why wait?

Show quote history

It's not as simple as that in NI.

MumChp · 22/12/2024 23:56

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 22/12/2024 23:55

It's not as simple as that in NI.

Show quote history

For him it was simple as that. Bin him.

GlassLampshades · 22/12/2024 23:56

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@MumChp - it's N.I, so it's a bit of a touchy subject

I understand. I'm also from NI. It's not normal at all in my experience to ask or to bring it up. You are supposed to find out through other means not direct questions.

ConsuelaHammock · 22/12/2024 23:57

I’m in NI. It’s a fair question considering our history. Best to know if you have the same beliefs before you start to date?

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:57

I think some people on this thread don't understand the issues in N.I. He is not religious whatsoever, he told me that. His question is to do with being sectarian. He also made a slightly sectarian 'joke' about the area I live in, which was inaccurate!

OP posts:
MushMonster · 22/12/2024 23:58

I think you are wrong OP.
I think religion is a normal thing to consider, as you are looking for someone with compatible values. Not the same religion, but compatible values. I do not think it neccessary has to do with remaining hostility in NI, but with what he is looking for in a partner. Though your reaction would point to me that you do harbour some hostility.
He does not seem to consider a difference of religion a deal breaker, as still messaging. But it seems to be a dealbreaker for you. I think you will drop this suitor.

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:59

@GlassLampshades - thank you! Exactly! I was so shocked he asked me. Been on a lot of dates this year, not one person has asked me it yet!

OP posts:
Ladyoatcookies · 22/12/2024 23:59

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:57

I think some people on this thread don't understand the issues in N.I. He is not religious whatsoever, he told me that. His question is to do with being sectarian. He also made a slightly sectarian 'joke' about the area I live in, which was inaccurate!

Yeah I’ve lived in Glasgow and we had our issues with sectarianism and I get how the people involved often aren’t actually religious - it’s bizarre.

I’m guessing he asked if you were “Protestant or Catholic” so basically he asked what denomination.

ForFunAmberDeer · 22/12/2024 23:59

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@Candy24 - are you in/from N.I?

I am, surely he didn't need to come out and ask when if it's not immediately apparent within 2 or 3cquestions you'd have a good idea anyway. I think it's trés declassé tbh with you and because it's so not the done thing I would have to really like him to see him again. If I was on the fence it would push me off

DuckDuckG00se · 22/12/2024 23:59

I think it matters less whether others think it was weird and more that you do.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 23/12/2024 00:00

You're not going to get any sort of reasonable response here. Maybe ask for your post to be moved to craicnet?

I'm in RoI not NI. I'd reckon if he's asking that on a first date, there is a certain level of bigotry there so even if I was the same religion, I would throw him back.

ThatWarmQuoter · 23/12/2024 00:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

beetr00 · 23/12/2024 00:01

totally agree with @wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting

eta; @OchonAgusOchonOh also is spot on

Definitely report to MNHQ and have your post moved over to Craicnet @LaBrasseria2024 💐

Not everyone is informed nor necessarily sensitive to the historical tensions.

GlassLampshades · 23/12/2024 00:01

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:59

@GlassLampshades - thank you! Exactly! I was so shocked he asked me. Been on a lot of dates this year, not one person has asked me it yet!

Exactly. It's sectarian and would be a red flag to me. If I want people to know my background I can casually drop some info into the conversation like what school I went to. That's the way we communicate here usually!

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 00:01

MushMonster · 22/12/2024 23:58

I think you are wrong OP.
I think religion is a normal thing to consider, as you are looking for someone with compatible values. Not the same religion, but compatible values. I do not think it neccessary has to do with remaining hostility in NI, but with what he is looking for in a partner. Though your reaction would point to me that you do harbour some hostility.
He does not seem to consider a difference of religion a deal breaker, as still messaging. But it seems to be a dealbreaker for you. I think you will drop this suitor.

If you read the op's posts he isn't religious, he doesn't want to date someone from the other community because he is prejudiced against them.