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Original poster

adult daughter stops us from going away

247 replies

Circedee · 19/12/2024 23:57

My adult 24 year daughter stops me and her father from going away on our own . We have always had family holidays . Now the children are grown up finished Uni . Working . Still living at home . However sadly no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. We want to go away , travel and talk about trips . But she won’t let me she says "I can’t believe you would consider leaving me at home on my own and going away not inviting me for a whole week or two". She makes me feel guilty and so we don’t go away ever . What have I created , a monster ! I’m so sad .

OP posts:
poemsandwine · 20/12/2024 08:35

What the fuck? She's being ridiculous. Just go and stop enabling her.

DaringLion · 20/12/2024 08:36

pathetic .Most kids dont want to go on holiday with parents

Gcsunnyside23 · 20/12/2024 08:39

This can't be real. If it is I'd be embarrassed for you all that ages 24 and acting like a 12 year old and that you are even reacting to it in a way that's not telling her to grow up

RedToothBrush · 20/12/2024 08:41

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

She's emotionally abusing you with the threat of self harm.

This is not healthy behaviour on her part nor on yours. Stop enabling it.

Book a holiday.

CatAteMyDinner · 20/12/2024 08:41

If you're genuinely worried I'd suggest you start with a long weekend - UK mini break to Cornwall, or whatever. She really can't complain about short breaks. Then just work up from there. You can do it!

Gcsunnyside23 · 20/12/2024 08:42

To add my husband and I are going away without out 13 and 10 year old for 10 days and neither have had any reaction other than asking logistics like who caring for them. If they were upset at being left behind that would be natural as they are kids, a 24 year old reacting like that is not

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/12/2024 08:43

There is clearly an issue here as most young people can’t wait to get their parents out of the house!
So instead of chiming in ‘she’s an adult’ there is something else going on here that needs addressing.
The DD needs to be more prepared for adult life. If she doesn’t, it is storing up future troubles. As much as we like to think our parents live forever, they don’t. And you don’t want to have a daughter who is 30, and then 40, who cannot function without her parents.
If she’s just being demanding and wants a free holiday, then just go!
But if there are wider mental health issues then she needs some therapy/counselling to build her self esteem and sense of independence.
You cannot be blackmailed, but you can talk to her calmly about what is really going on. It’s not just about a holiday, it’s about her life as an adult.

snowmichael · 20/12/2024 08:43

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

At 24 she is not a child
Does she behave like one on other ways?
Can she cook & clean for herself, for example?

HideousKinky · 20/12/2024 08:43

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

Do you have any reason to be concerned for her mental health?
If not.... 24???? Just book something and go

Borninabarn32 · 20/12/2024 08:43

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

  1. She's not a child. She's a full grown woman many people have children of their own at her age.
  1. She's not going to kill herself becuase mummy and daddy have gone in holiday without her.

It's important for kids to see that their parents have a relationship with eachother outside of being parents. You're husband and wife, not just mum and dad.

DreamCatchingSpiders · 20/12/2024 08:44

Get a grip. Even if your daughter has additional needs, you need to leave her and go away. She's an adult and you're entitled to a life.

Her mental stability is her own issue, and you're damaging it anyway by pandering to a 24 year old woman.

Your job is to prepare her for adult life, and for when you are not around. Not mollycoddle her so she's an incompetent.

Okayornot · 20/12/2024 08:47

She isn't stopping you doing anything. You are choosing not to go because your adult daughter says she doesn't want you to go without her.
Have you ever don't anything she didn't want / agree to OP or is this part of a longer pattern?

NoSourDough2 · 20/12/2024 08:55

At 24 I had a mortgage and was living with a man. Kindly OP, she is a grown woman. You need to do some tough love in this case.

temperance81 · 20/12/2024 08:57

Why are you allowing her to manipulate you? She's not a child, she's an adult. Surely she can fend for herself for a week or two?

temperance81 · 20/12/2024 08:58

I have a 24 and 19 year old. No way do they want to come on holiday with me now. They go with their friends!

Zoflorabore · 20/12/2024 08:59

You do not need her permission.
both of my dc have MH issues and autism and even they would be ok with this with plenty of notice and support.
she is manipulating you to high heaven. Put a stop to it now for her own good as well as your own.

brunettemic · 20/12/2024 09:00

She doesn’t stop you. The issue is you’re allowing her idiotic behaviour to stop you. Just go on holiday.

VictoriaEra2 · 20/12/2024 09:00

I must admit, I’ve not been away without my adult children - who also live at home. I would genuinely feel strange going without them.

YourWildAmberSloth · 20/12/2024 09:00

Yes you and her father have created a monster, now you need to stop feeding it. You're enabling the behaviour but I think you already know that.

Scentedjasmin · 20/12/2024 09:02

Am I the only one here who thinks that it's nice that she still wants to go away with you? Can't you all plan a holiday together where she financially contributes?

Twanky · 20/12/2024 09:02

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

When it suits them they're 'vulnerable', a word often used to cover inept, lazy and pathetic. If she doesn't want to be left alone in your house then she can find her own place to live. I can't believe how many parents are manipulated by their adult off-springs!

theDudesmummy · 20/12/2024 09:02

If she is mentally unwell or has disabilities which mean she struggles on her own, then you need to help her accept help. If that is the case presumably this hasn't come out of the blue and she is, or has been, linked in to mental health services or other types of support. This level of dependence/illness needs input urgently, especially in a young person who needs to be developing their identity in the world.

However, as you describe her as potentially a "monster" I assume that, unless you are being very inappropriate about a mentally disordered or disabled person, this is not the case.

In which case, don't consult her, tell her the day before you leave that you are going away and then go. (When I was 24 I was a qualified doctor, married, had moved twice from one continent to another, was living thousands of miles from my parents (in an era where long distance calls were prohibitively expensive and the internet didn't exist), and working as the sole GP in a remote settlement two hours from the nearest hospital).

theDudesmummy · 20/12/2024 09:04

PS nothing wrong with going on a holiday with your adult children, when you choose to, we do it often.

Roselilly36 · 20/12/2024 09:07

You deserve a holiday OP, just book it and tell her in advance.

My two still live at home 23 & 21, DH & I have had two holidays this year, of course the kids prefer it if we are home, but they would never dream of telling us not to go, they are always say have a great time etc.

Enjoy your life OP.

BodyKeepingScore · 20/12/2024 09:07

Sorry, but how can she "make you not go"?

Simply book the holiday without her and inform her of the dates you'll be away. Unless she's hidden your passports it's ridiculous to bow to this.