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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

684 replies

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 14:51

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
blackpooolrock · 13/12/2024 15:30

I don't think its cheating but he's being a shit.

If you met him he will say ah i knew it was you all along and im just playing along with your game as you sent him a friend request.

If he had his wits about him he would ask why are you sending random men requests on snapchat - are you cheating?

MissMoneyFairy · 13/12/2024 15:30

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:27

I couldn’t screenshot the messages to using an old iPad to capture them. Anything else I can do as not very good at stuff like this

If the msg are on an iPad you can take a photo of them with your phone, how old are your children, do you have your own money, why would you take the car if it's in his name.

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:31

I assume this is been going on for a long time then. I didn’t actually know who I married back then. I’ve been nothing but a loyal wife to him

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Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:32

They older and youngest is 13

OP posts:
Michiamo · 13/12/2024 15:32

It doesn’t matter if the house is in his name,you’re marrried so you have rights.

comewhinewith · 13/12/2024 15:32

If you're married it doesn't matter if everything is in his name. They're all marital assets.

If this is the line for you, see a solicitor and make plans.

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:32

How would I get away without a car? Does that sound stupid? Sorry I can’t even think

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MrsWhites · 13/12/2024 15:33

of course it’s cheating - telling another woman what he would like to do and trying to arrange a meet up is cheating in my opinion.

I’d reply and say do you like what I’m wearing in this photo and send him the complete version of his selfie with you in it too. Make sure you are somewhere you can see his face when he reads it!

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:33

I would have to just leave without telling him first as he will try stop me and maybe become abusive as he has been in past so can’t trust his reaction.

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Dollybantree · 13/12/2024 15:34

Definitely arrange to meet him, then turn up and serve the bastard with divorce papers!

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:34

what a mess I am in! Part of me thinking I just of just left it alone and carried on with life

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floppybit · 13/12/2024 15:34

It's very clear and simple. Arrange to meet him tomorrow somewhere where neither of you would usually go. Then go and meet him. Then he can't come up with the excuse of 'it's only banter, I would never have actually gone to meet them'. Then he has no excuses. Get it done tomorrow as you can't carry on like this over Christmas. Good luck.

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:35

I’ve sent a message to him saying let’s meet up Monday. He told me last week he has a big meeting Monday so let’s see what he says

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devilspawn · 13/12/2024 15:35

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:34

what a mess I am in! Part of me thinking I just of just left it alone and carried on with life

Presumably you sent him a picture back, so whose photo did you send?

AnonAnonmystery · 13/12/2024 15:36

@Stunnershaz where will you go ? And with how many DC? It might be easier if you confront him though have a friend nearby in case he gets nasty. If he gets nasty then call the police, then job done, he gets a restraining order and you get to stay in the house. Why should you leave when you’ve done nothing wrong?

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:36

A picture off google lol some random selfie picture of a woman

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La179 · 13/12/2024 15:38

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:35

I’ve sent a message to him saying let’s meet up Monday. He told me last week he has a big meeting Monday so let’s see what he says

If he agrees to meet, wait until 10 minutes after the meeting time and message him saying he looks nothing like his photos so you didn't come in the meeting place and he shouldn't lead women on putting on fake photos and then block him.

diddl · 13/12/2024 15:39

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:35

I’ve sent a message to him saying let’s meet up Monday. He told me last week he has a big meeting Monday so let’s see what he says

Sneaky!

You have to decide where you draw the line I think.

If you both turn up he'll probably say it would have gone no further than that one meeting.

Or he knew it was a fake account & wanted to see who it really was.

That he suspected that it was you...

All of that said, if he's abusive it's time to get out safely.

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:39

I don’t think u all get how he is, let me break it down guys so basically he’s always had his way and allowed him too. When I said if somebody asked if I was happy I would say no but I’m comfortable and I just get on with life. He’s very controlling in situations and is always apparently right so if I ever confronted him he would flip and chuck me out and not let me see my kids which I can’t do as they are my life

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adcde123 · 13/12/2024 15:40

This may be a terrible idea, but, as your character, you could message him that you've shown his picture to your 'friend' - and she happens to recognise him and tells you he is married with five children!
He might immediately block you, but would be fearful that this 'friend' might tell his wife. That would shock him, at least.
Not sure what the outcome would be, but would save you confronting him for now. Like I say, not sure if this is a good or bad idea. So sorry you're going through this 💐

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:41

He’s messaged back saying Monday sounds great where and what time! Wtfffffff

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veganmayo · 13/12/2024 15:41

Is there a friend or family member you can tell? If you're going to turn up to the meeting then you should take someone else with you. Maybe someone that can also give you and your kids a place to stay afterwards?

AncoraAmarena · 13/12/2024 15:42

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:03

i just told him we will meet up when I find some free time and he goes make it quick! He’s so forward with the messages and I just can’t belive he said he’s divorced with no kids

You need to get more evidence of what he's been up to with anyone else. If you confront him as it is, he will say he knew it was you and was winding you up, or some other bullshit.

So sorry OP.

Original poster
Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:42

How can he do this to our kids and how can he do this to me who has stood by him and have been loyal to him and catered to him and looked after him when he got ill

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