He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

Also me making light of situations is just the way I cope with things, if I don’t laugh il cry,
yiu all have to understand when it’s written down and read it hits differently so it was eye opener for me.

Thank you hun x

@Stunnershaz Totally understand why you’ve left the thread but if you’re still reading it, do get advice on what scope you have to stay in your home with the kids. They’re at an age where it could be disruptive to move and why should you all have to leave your home? But realise you may not feel safe there and your mum’s place may be a safer bet. Though at least get advice on what’s possible.

I don’t think I’m going go to solicitors on Monday as I was already terrified maybe I need a few days I’m not sure but when I do speak to explain what’s gone on I’m not sure if solicitor will even believe me? Feel abit daft now

@Stunnershaz sometimes abuse can go on for decades and then something snaps in you like it did yesterday. It’s normal, people that have never been in abusive relationship don’t one how hard it is to break the cycle. Lucky them.

Take your time. Take the legal knowledge and process it. Don’t listen to those who want an instant change and don’t feel pressured.

You are strong and brave more than you know and have suffered in silence for a long time. I hope it ends soon x

Of course they will believe you . Sadly they have seen this story a million times before.

Please go to the solicitor. Please
It will give you even more strength

You don’t need the solicitor to believe you. You’re there to talk about getting a divorce, the solicitor actually doesn’t need to know the reason. Nor do the courts. You are allowed to divorce for any reason nowadays - assuming you are in the uk, anyway.

I would advise not to delay. As you’ve experienced before, when the shock of a betrayal wears off it can be so tempting to go back to normal life, even though you know it won’t make you happy. Talk to a solicitor as soon as you can. It doesn’t commit you to anything. They will not judge the relationship as that is not their job, they also won’t be able to support much on the emotional side - you have to lean on family and friends for that. Solicitors will tell you practically what needs to happen for you to divorce and what assets you will likely be entitled to. They can give you an idea of what custody arrangements might be made and how long it will all take to be sorted. Knowledge is power. You are not committed to any particular action right away but you will know more about what you can do.

The thing is, my viewpoint is with serious matters like this it’s very callous to cry ‘fake’ because it very may well be real. Report it and let MN sort it out. To the OP, don’t let those people sway you. Some people are very cynical, because they’ve been burned many times before. Try not to take it to heart. Keep going and stay strong.

Think I’m just having a big wobble hun, I was so determined and had things in order but now I feel very scared

They will. It’s not their position to judge you but to represent you and get you the best deal. I’ve been through it and don’t wish to post it publically but if you want to message me you can. I had a brilliant solicitor. She’s become a friend and has taken my dd under her wing as she’s studying law and got so many opportunities for her. She also wrote off 50% of my massive legal bill by not sending it to her companies billing department.

All the info on here is alot to process but what your H said to you re the Xmas party broke my heart

I know and it’s understandable !

He will be too distracted on Monday so don’t be worried and it’s only a chat.
The solicitor won’t make you do anything.

I really do think you would benefit so much from speaking with women’s aid

Also, it is normal to feel scared, and the more unknown something is the more scary it will feel. But it’s still the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.

I’ve had to block my mum earlier as she messaged me asking me how I was. I got really mad with her and told her don’t text me that. I’ve took it out on her and feel bad now

Please please please don't let the small minded few stop you from doing what you so desperately need to! Summon the courage that's within you and go to the solicitors on Monday. You deserve so much better and you know it!

Him saying ppl will laugh at me in a dress has really got me low today. Yes I know they only words but so hurtful

Why are you worried about your mum asking how you are? Are you concerned he’ll see and realise something is wrong?

Exactly hun, I just got scared and told her off and blocked her number for a bit. Feel nervous that I told her again might just be cuz I’m having a wobble I don’t know x

Of course the solicitor will believe you. They will have heard many similar cases and unfortunately some even worse than yours.

Please don't be discouraged by the few people on this thread who are accusing you of making things up. You get posters like this on every thread. Your husband's abuse of you has been extreme and it is only with the validation of most of the posters on here that you are realising how awful it is and that you don't have to stay and put up with it.

Keep your chin up and keep returning to the thread if you have a wobble and need some support.

Please don't let the horrible posters on here get to you. There's always a few of them on every thread now on Mumsnet, it's not you, it's them. We're all here to support you and we believe you. The solicitor will believe you too, I guarantee it. Keep going.

It was awful, it’s part of his plan to destroy your confidence further so he keeps you. You are worth much more.

Op, not many people know how difficult it is to leave a relationship with children, especially one that is abusive and has been for a long time. I'm rooting for you and your children. I hope you manage to find the strength to leave and find the peace And happiness you deserve. You sound lovely, take one day at a time and take a positive step towards freedom each day. No Matter how terrifying it is, you can do this. You're stronger than you think you are. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight to send you strength, courage and safety. Best wishes op

I can’t seem to say anything right. If I tell everything’s that’s gone on apparently it sounds fake and when I be honest and raw with you all I’m been manipulating? Honestly I just wanted advice and maybe just to hear ppl to say I’m not going crazy. I’ve asked for this thread to be removed now as I feel like it’s not helping now it’s just becoming a bit of a joke.
thank you again for ppl who have gave me great advice x

Thank you so much x

This is going to be my last post on here now. I don’t know what I’m going to do as in two minds but I promise to the ppl that have been lovely I will make sure I come back with good news to you. Might take few months but I promise il be back to tell you all the outcome.
please be kind to ppl that come in here for advice and please remember words hurt and cut deeper and I wouldn’t ever want a woman in a similar situation to doubt herself if she has come for help.

take care guys x