He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

@Stunnershaz Hold how he made you feel in that moment in your mind. That’s Point A. Then visualise Point B. You hosting your own Xmas or New Year drinks next year for everyone you love. In a home that’s just yours and the kids’. Where you can leave the washing up all night if you fancy. In a knock ‘em dead dress which suits you perfectly. Which you bought for yourself. With the earnings from your new job, which you love.

You can get there. Remember how strong you are.

And of course a solicitor will believe you. You’ll be there deciding if they’re the right person to represent you in your divorce. If they’re not, you’ll find another who is. Please call Women’s Aid as a first step. They will believe you.

You sound as if you haven't a clue about abuse.

@rightinthedavinamccalls I totally agree.

Voicing my thoughts out of concern for people responding to the OP doesn’t mean I don’t understand abuse.
Believe me I know first hand what it is like to be abused both as a child and then as an adult.

Just in case you read this, you are not going mad. Waking up to abuse isn’t an overnight thing. It can take years. Leaving is scary and sometimes seems scarier than staying with a monster. You can live a kind of fake life where part of you is denied and hidden.

You will find the courage from somewhere. I just know it. You and your children deserve better. I’d go to the solicitor because it’s just information gathering. Just find out what your rights are and what to do to get you into a good position. They will believe you.

If you leave, it will be so hard but you will be able to just be you. Relaxed. Free.

You deserve better than this psychopath. He isn’t a good man. He’s an abuser.

But it can be hard to leave.

m Start listening to Dr Ramani. Do it in private mode on your phone so it doesn’t come up as a search term and alert him. You will start to get clearer and stronger.

Sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

Absolutely horrific and dangerous advice. This man is abusive and has burned the op with an iron and dragged her by the hair. Confronting him and issuing ultimatums is extremely dangerous and the complete opposite of what she should do. Also, counselling is not advised where there is domestic abuse either. You clearly know zero about domestic abuse because your advice couldn’t be more wrong and puts op at much greater risk. It’s not a case of, “being strong” when you’ve been abused physically and emotionally for 20 years. OP will have been conditioned to be subservient to him. She has been trained to obey and to fear. Your advice is atrocious and I hope you never tell another abuse victim to stay in a marriage that puts them at very real risk. Maybe you should read this book to get a better understanding of abuse.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

@AskJateace extremely bad advice you are giving the OP! Have you any experience of dating a man gas lighting you? It's also worrying you don't believe in divorce despite abuse and children in a household.

It’s not a matter of belief, is it? It’s real. Divorce certificates are being printed and court stamped every day.

I m a religious person.
If OPs husband is cheating on her, according to God's Word, she has the right to divorce him.
If I were in her situation, I would file for divorce, as her husband is committing adultery.