He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

This is a thing - I had a good friend who eventually became a partner for a few short months. It then turned out his girlfriend of 5 years had asked him to leave because he was exchanging sexual photos, sex chat and masturbation videos with women all over the country. He drove a Mobiloo (lorry with changing facilities for disabled people) and was arranging to meet up with women for sex as he drove around. An absolute pillar of the community, on duty at the cathedral every Sunday morning.

I got rid of him in a hot minute.

The OP’s man has been controlling and abusing her for years and she’s been gaslit into making excuses for him.

It is not shameful to be a single parent. The OP needs to leave this dreadful man.

ITS NOT YOU its HIM Coercive Control — Laura Richards

I've been there get all the financial info you need make a plan be safe x

He’s being physically abusive as well as a cheater. It makes no difference if he wasn’t taking his medication.

Please leave him and as pps say go to Women’s Aid.

What's to appreciate about this horribly substandard individual? He came off the production line as a broken biscuit.

The cheating isn’t even the big issue here, I can’t believe what I’ve just read. He is abusive. There is absolutely NO excuse for what he did. It’s absolutely disgusting, mental health issues or not.

Also you are not helping your kids staying with this monster. You are harming them. Sorry if that sounds harsh, you don’t deserve this and you’re a victim. If you don’t leave they’ll think that’s normal and subconsciously accept it from their future relationships. Please get out

💐

I am concerned. OP hasn’t been back. Of course she doesn’t have to, but I really hope she is okay. 🌷

I really hope that you show the scar to the solicitor.

You are a victim of multiple crimes.

Look up Coercive control.
You have been physically assaulted and tortured.

These are crimes that could send him to jail.
Please tell the solicitor the truth.
Tell Women's aid about the iron.
The dragging you by your hair.

Your children know the truth.
Don't think children don't know him.

I am surrounded by depression and none of these people burn their partners with an iron.

Please stop excuse your torture.
He is violent scum.

Morning everyone. Thank you for all your replies I appreciate them.
He’s gone out golfing and I’ve rang my mum told her I want to leave. She’s really happy and said she has tenants leaving end of January and she will be fine for me and kids move there. It’s in a different town so worried about the kids as they have friends here but I need do what’s best.
ive photocopied some documents but the passports and house car documents are in safe. I been thinking all night and your all right I’ve been a big fool.
im terrified but I need to do this.

I’ve got solictor appointment on Monday at 12 when he is at work. Told him my mum isn’t coming over but she’s asking questions so will meet her at 12 in town and he was fine with that as he said keep her away from my house.ive been very productive today can’t believe how much I have achieved it’s like a new me x

OP, that's great. You are going to have a new and better life.

My mum wanted confront him and I told her no as I’ve been through a lot physically. She started cryig which I felt terrible about as she said I shut her out. I’ve not been the best daughter since getting with him
I told her about the iron and she was raging. I’ve sent her pictures and deleted them off my phone so she can keep them for me

So pleased to hear that. The hard part will be keeping everything on an even keel for the next six weeks. Are you going to tell him you're leaving or just leave?

Told my mum she needs do it my way otherwise I feel I won’t come out alive in this situation. She understands but really wants me out asap. She told me come over for Christmas as she’s worried but I won’t be able to I need play like everything is ok. I know I can do that as been doing it all these years

I’m not telling him I’m just going leave and leave him a note maybe explaining why I’ve left. I know it’s such a coward way but that’s the only way I feel I can do

I’ve forward the snaps to my mum and deleted the account. My mum said no need do this fake account as you have another million reasons why y should leave and she’s right.

Oh you are so strong op, well done for making this decision. There's only so much we can take and it's great that you have decided to keep yourself safe from this monster from now on, I'm sure your kids will thank you for it. You have your lovely mum on your side and it sounds like she will be a great support. Good luck, we are all here for you 💐

I can’t believe how much weight is off my shoulders guys. I feel like il get a low moment in evening but at moment I feel I can conquer anything lol x

Not cowardly at all, just sensible and safe. Plan carefully. The hardest part will be acting normally.

Hearing my mum cry has totally broken me. She said I knew he was a horrible person but she didn’t wanna believe that he was hurting me. I’ll told her it was a hand full of times and she went mad and said even 1 is enough.

I told her she’s needs back off me abit while I plan this otherwise he’s going fight with me that she keeps contacting me.

Now she knows some of what you've endured, it's going to be hard for your mum to appear neutral, but she absolutely must stay low profile or he might become suspicious.

I’m going have to give his presents as I have nothing else give him Christmas Day and he will then go on a rant that I don’t care about him.

Can you physically take the entire safe with you and plan to get into it later? Or can you bring in a locksmith while he’s at work to open it? Is it a very expensive safe it could there be instructions on google on how to force entry?