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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A woman made a pass at DH - Need help writing a text

537 replies

GirlInterrupted · 08/12/2024 08:44

I want to send a beautifully written text to the woman who touched and proposed a BJ to my DH last night. I want to say wtaf, stay away from any social gatherings we will be at and leave the WhatsApp group.

Hit me with your best ones please

OP posts:
MzHz · 08/12/2024 09:28

If she’s done it before, done it again, she’ll do it again with someone else from the group, so blow it up!

put a message on the WhatsApp group, “BJSkank, H mentioned you’d made a pass at him and offered him a BJ last night? I gather he told you where to go, but for the avoidance of any confusion, suggest you stay WELL clear of us in future! Disgusting behaviour!”

OMGsamesame · 08/12/2024 09:28

How do you know she's done it before? And if she has why have you continued to be friends with her?
I'm not sure texting g her is going to have quite the effect you think it will.

MovingBird123 · 08/12/2024 09:29

I can't believe some people wouldn't say anything! It doesn't matter that your husband turned her down, it is so disrespectful to you both that she propositioned him in the first place. It doesn't show you as insecure, it's just a disgusting, tacky thing to do. If I was in your place, it would be the end of our friendship forever.

Sorry, no clever ideas to text, but just wanted to agree with you after the slightly bizarre tone of the comments...

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 08/12/2024 09:30

GirlInterrupted · 08/12/2024 08:58

This is exactly the case, my DH did tell her to get the fuck, but she's done it before with another DH and will do it again! Time she needs told

Show quote history

Why is she still in this 'friendship' group then? Why haven't you all blocked her if she has form for this behaviour?
Such playground stuff

EmmerdaleFan78 · 08/12/2024 09:30

🤦‍♀️ Don’t message her, how embarrassing. She’s already been turned down by your husband. Act like the bigger person and don’t even engage with her.

MzHz · 08/12/2024 09:30

Silence only works if people give a shit.

she doesn’t, she’ll take it as permission to continue

after all nobody said anything the last time….

this is why male predators get away with it, women have to rise above, chin up etc etc and the behaviour continues

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 08/12/2024 09:31

It's classier not to text. To do so is to put too much importance onto the antisocial behaviour of a troubled woman.

Thatsthebottomline · 08/12/2024 09:31

spilltheteapot · 08/12/2024 09:25

There’s no smoke without fire. You don’t randomly propose fellatio to men without any hint of flirtation from them.
Absolutely don’t say anything at all! It’s on your DH to sort out.

It took us a while but we've got there. No smoke without fire ? You'll be saying that it was an ego boost for the married man next and how he will "secretly be really flattered".

Tell me, if a man suggested he'd like to have oral sex with a married woman in his social group would that be because "there's no smoke without fire" ?

Grow up.

Luddite26 · 08/12/2024 09:31

I would put in the group chat.

Not sure why you think DH needs a BJ off a desperado like you when it's on tap at home.

SaagAloopa · 08/12/2024 09:31

Dobbythechristmaself · 08/12/2024 09:20

This woman has also done something to the OP. So all of you saying he’s not your property etc are failing to realise the woman actually shat on OP here. How dare she.

so I wouldn’t be going after her about ‘my man blah blah blah’ but I’d certainly be texting her about the way she’d treated me.

X, I am texting you to say that the way you treated me last night, offering my DH a blowjob, was absolutely shameful and says to me everything about you as a person and how you treat people like me too. His lack of interest in you is for him to deal with you about but from my perspective I need to call you out on what you did to me. Dont speak to me and don’t come near me again.

She didn't actually shit on her

SaagAloopa · 08/12/2024 09:32

Luddite26 · 08/12/2024 09:31

I would put in the group chat.

Not sure why you think DH needs a BJ off a desperado like you when it's on tap at home.

Really? That's disgusting

TheLemonFatball · 08/12/2024 09:32

Luddite26 · 08/12/2024 09:31

I would put in the group chat.

Not sure why you think DH needs a BJ off a desperado like you when it's on tap at home.

Absolutely not! The worst one yet 🤣

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 08/12/2024 09:34

She sounds like a sad, desperate, sex mad waste of space.
Your DH told her to fuck off, leave it at that.

Roseprose · 08/12/2024 09:34

MovingBird123 · 08/12/2024 09:29

I can't believe some people wouldn't say anything! It doesn't matter that your husband turned her down, it is so disrespectful to you both that she propositioned him in the first place. It doesn't show you as insecure, it's just a disgusting, tacky thing to do. If I was in your place, it would be the end of our friendship forever.

Sorry, no clever ideas to text, but just wanted to agree with you after the slightly bizarre tone of the comments...

I wouldn't say anything because it's not worth it and knowing women like this will probably make it seem more exciting. The consequences for me rather than a message would be to take a big step back from the friendship; friends don't do that after all.

HardlyLikely · 08/12/2024 09:35

saraclara · 08/12/2024 09:09

Does your DH want you to confront her?

Because if I'd been in his situation, I wouldn't want my partner blowing things up. I'd find that proprietorial and wouldn't want it turned into a soap opera.

It's something that happened to him, so he should have control of what happens (or doesn't happen) next.

Yes, this. I certainly wouldn’t be happy if DH decided something that involved me was his to escalate.

DreamTheMoors · 08/12/2024 09:35

If you contact her, it’ll just encourage her to step up the abhorrent behaviour, because now you’ve provided her with an audience.
Gross people like this gal thrive on attention.
Tell your husband to get grip and if he wants to continue having a wife, to block her on every single device and social media site.
And my personal belief is you shouldn’t have to ask him — he should be volunteering to do that.
For you. Out of his love and respect for you.

Luddite26 · 08/12/2024 09:35

I remember older women throwing themselves at my first very very ex husband I was younger and they were all older got a buzz out of making me feel like shit.
Of course I'm older now I wouldn't give a fuck if it happened but some women are like that it's not just men.
And the time husband brought back a bottle of poison for one of the delightful ladies from his trip away. Even though she had paid for it she tried to make it more. Glad I am old enough to no longer care.

WillowTit · 08/12/2024 09:36

why does it require you to sort out op?

Honeycrisp · 08/12/2024 09:37

It's a fair point OP, you do need to check. The posters who've said she's not done anything to you are wrong, because somebody who you clearly have a social relationship with is doing something bad to you when they proposition your spouse. However, it happened more to DH than it did to you and so you'll need his permission.

WillowTit · 08/12/2024 09:38

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 08/12/2024 09:31

It's classier not to text. To do so is to put too much importance onto the antisocial behaviour of a troubled woman.

exactly

Jabbabong · 08/12/2024 09:39

Meadowfinch · 08/12/2024 09:04

Why? She made an advance. He said no. That appears to be the end of it. Why do you need to be involved?

This

LuluBlakey1 · 08/12/2024 09:40

Luddite26 · 08/12/2024 09:31

I would put in the group chat.

Not sure why you think DH needs a BJ off a desperado like you when it's on tap at home.

Oh please don't do this- it makes you sound so pathetic.

Just reduce any contact you might have with her to an impersonal minimum.

Flyingfoxgirl · 08/12/2024 09:40

I'd be pretty pissed off if DP warned another man off me if I'd already put a stop to it. It would suggest he doesn't trust me to be able to say no for myself and that I am his property.

neonjumper · 08/12/2024 09:40

If you must message her ... tell her , that as a friend you're telling her she is coming across as creepy and predatory ... jimmy savilish !

Cnidarian · 08/12/2024 09:40

Agree with others, you don't need to message her. What you should do is message all your other friends, especially those she has done this to as well and get rid of her Mean Girls style. These tactics have evolved for a reason, use when necessary!