A woman made a pass at DH - Need help writing a text

[GirlInterrupted]

I want to send a beautifully written text to the woman who touched and proposed a BJ to my DH last night. I want to say wtaf, stay away from any social gatherings we will be at and leave the WhatsApp group.

Hit me with your best ones please

Be prepared to break up the group. Not everyone will stop being friends on your say so.

I would ignore her from now on and tell people why.

I think if you are messaging to say its made you feel uncomfortable then totally fine, but not as a stay away thing.

Hi... The sexual suggestion you made to my husband last night has made me feel very uncomfortable due to how inappropriate it was. This is not the first time you have behaved in this way with others in our friendship group and its time you grew up, accepted boundaries and value the friendship that has been offered to you.

This.
Don't message her fgs...you're not his keeper.
Keep your dignity intact.

Good grief, are we on an episode of eastenders? What a load of drama. Surely your husband saying no is enough?

Put it on the group chat.
Lovely to see everyone.
Mary - please stop offering to suck married men’s penises on our nights out. It really changes the atmosphere of the night and could be seen as sexual harassment.

Does your DH want you to confront her?

Because if I'd been in his situation, I wouldn't want my partner blowing things up. I'd find that proprietorial and wouldn't want it turned into a soap opera.

It's something that happened to him, so he should have control of what happens (or doesn't happen) next.

This is a very good point

Its filthy and disgusting and she needs to be told not to do it again in a very direct way.

I think it partly depends on what your husband wants to do about it. But I understand why you'd want to message her. You're entitled to your own reaction to a friend offering your husband a BJ!

Your silence is your superpower here.
Say nothing.
Leave her guessing if you know of not. Leave her uncomfortable.
As soon as you text her you give her something on you for her to use and portray you as crazy or similar.

I'd also want her to know that my husband and I tell eachother about these things in case she decides to try again in future!

She might see your silence as confirmation that your husband didn't tell you, and take that as a sign he's open to it in future 🙈

Actually thats not a bad message

So she's done it before but you continue to socialise with her? If I heard that someone in my friendship group had done that I'd be disgusted and wouldn't have any more to do with them, or is it okay so long as it's not your husband she's propositioning? I should imagine the wife of the first man isn't best pleased that people have remained friends with her and is now probably thinking 'ha, karma', and I'd be inclined to agree.

”I’ll be charitable and assume that you were drunk last night when you propositioned DH. If you were, I expect you’re now hungover and embarrassed. If you weren’t, please know that everyone is embarrassed for you. To make it quite clear, DH is not interested. At all. Ever.”

“Hi friend, I imagine you have a hangover and are cringing with embarrassment this morning. DH can take care of his own feelings about being harassed by you but I want to let you know that behaving like this to xxx previously and DH last night is not the way to keep friends. Sort yourself out before you do more damage to yourself”

I would say something rather than text. I would keep it fairly brief and curt. DH has told me what happened. Your behaviour is well below that I would expect of a friend or aquantance. Please do not speak or communicate with me or DH ever again.

Would people here really be happy to say nothing and continue socialising with a woman who has propositioned their husband? It's so disrespectful even if the husband told her so at the time!

Don't text this woman you'll look like an idiot no matter what you say. If anything further needs to be said your DH should do it.

I think I’d just drop a message in the group WhatsApp saying something like “great night, me and dh are just laughing at some of the awkward sexual innuendo’s”. Shows your a team and both tell each other, she will know it’s aimed at her and other people probably will by the sound of it or ask what’s happened. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing but I would too want it acknowledged

I would go mental!

So you are comfortable with a friend offering a blow job to your husband? They'd be no follow through conversation?

I'd be having a sharp word on how low and disrespectful it is.

I agree.
If she’s done it before to another husband, done it to yours & you believe she’ll do it again, then this needs to be addressed publicly if you want her out of the group. Shine a light on her inappropriate behaviour, possibly focusing on her insecurities and why she keeps propositioning her “friends” husbands.

Unless you heard her offer directly with your own ears don’t say a blinking thing! She’ll deny and then you’ll sound a dick, or it won’t be quite as your husband said

Understand why you want to make these demands. Unfortunately, you can't make her leave groups, or social circles. Don't text. Just makes you look like you don't trust him. If you don't thats another story. Sure he has told her exactly where to go.