A woman made a pass at DH - Need help writing a text

[GirlInterrupted]

I want to send a beautifully written text to the woman who touched and proposed a BJ to my DH last night. I want to say wtaf, stay away from any social gatherings we will be at and leave the WhatsApp group.

Hit me with your best ones please

It's not 'get the fuck'

It's get to fuck

It’s no more misogyny than it would be misandry/ chauvinism for a man to label name call and want to beat up a man that propositioned his wife or girlfriend. This topic is women being disgusted by another woman who is disgusting, if it was a man they’d feel the same

This.

Misogyny has nothing to do with the way some cultures such as the Glaswegians freely talk about kicking people’s head in etc 😂The person they’re talking about is very often a man.

Everyone can get it though if you’re behaving badly. They simply don’t let you off because you’re a woman but it’s definitely not exclusively focused on women.

If you’re talking about people who would use rapey / sexual aggression language (and no one has done that on this thread) yeah that would be misogyny.

I don’t encourage violence towards anyone. I merely joked about the Glasgow stereotype.
I don’t hold anyone else responsible. He was making his own choices. I still don’t have to like men or women who don’t care about the families or partners they claimed they wanted and who get off on deceit. I didn’t do violence. I didn’t even get angry verbally. He would have loved it if I’d reacted and I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure.

I do accept people react differently and I can’t say which is right or wrong for them.

Apparently because she 'has his back' 😂
I don't need to go charging in like screaming swamp monster to protect my man. The DH said no. That's humiliation enough in my mind. She looks an idiot. I don't need to go all medieval on anyone to show my support.
The irony of starting this post with wanting a beautifully written text.
Nothing beautiful or elegant about charging in and 'bateing' (?) someone

It's one thing to communicate your disgust in her behaviour and that you no longer will be socialising with her.

It's a whole other thing to be doing the whole 'stay away from my man' thing.

That just reeks of insecurity. If you need to tell someone to stay away then I'd sounds like there is potential for the man to take up the offer one day.

First you claim misogyny is a buzzword and then you say it's not gender related. Assuming you mean sex and not gender, you've also shown that you don't understand that contempt for women is indeed related to sex. All the while glorifying women getting into scraps over men while using misogynistic slurs ("stupid bitch", "eternal slappers"). But you're not being misogynistic, oh no.

In several not very fell swoops, you've engaged in misogyny, denied it, revealed that you don't understand what it is and also that you don't know what a buzzword is. The latter isn't really directly relevant, I guess, but kind of informs us abour your attitude and approach and how much weight we should give to your assertion of what's intelligent and what isn't. Or indeed what's misogynistic and what isn't.

Bottom line is that you shouldn't be glorifying misogynistic stereotypes about smashing up other women over men and you shouldn't be encouraging women to act like the gatekeepers of men's penises. If you're secure in your relationship, you won't feel any need to warn other women off, and why would you even want want a man who's faithful only as long as he can't find someone?

I realise this is the Internet so you can't admit to reconsidering your posts and what you've actually been saying and promoting (and to be fair, it's hardly just you doing it; there are loads of you). You need to double down, obviously. But if you did decide to do some reconsidering, so you stop promoting misogyny and evolve your thinking for next time, then I promise I won't tell anyone.

Intelligence levels here are not the best to work with.

misogyny is related to gender- which I’ve clearly pointed out.

I even posted the dictionary definition of misogyny for you to read- a hatred and contempt for women.

I then pointed out that misogyny is a buzzword on Mumsnet that is used to shut down reasonable dialogue and is usually used by those who think they are ultra modern and beyond accountability for any misdeeds.

so what they do, is they take a situation, and they make it about gender- so whatever people are saying that is negative about something shitty someone had done, or when people display disgust or anger- suddenly, rather than it being that they are calling out and reacting to shitty behaviour, they make it out to be that it’s because she’s a WOMAN. Not sure if you are aware, but most, if not all of us here are women.

Its been pointed out to you that people with low moral value and poor moral boundaries are disgusting to a lot of people, especially those who encroach upon someone else’s marriage, and the reaction to them is strong- whether they happen to be male or female.

so I suggest you read my post properly, because unfortunately your entire post is built on you being unable to read properly.

if a man shouted, for angry, wanted to beat up another man for propositioning his wife- absolutely nobody would say that that man is being chauvinistic towards the other man. Or do you disagree?

Its not about gender, it’s about shitty behaviours and how they make people feel; whatever the gender of the perpetrator is.

Whaaaat?? OMG that's hilarious and terrifying all at the same time 😱

It wouldn't be so bad, but my mum had gone with me to look at the place and had been reassured by the fact that she thought that the landlord's accent sounded a bit like my dad's. (The landlord had a Weegie/Italian accent; my dad had a Fife/Yugolsav accent) and his wife was a nice lady who taught Italian in a Glasgow high school...

I do remember that Mum wasn't impressed by the mattress in my room. She bought me a Z-bed from a local store and we shoved the mattress in a cupboard in the hall for the duration. (Not the one with the Jackie magazines.)

We used to get heaps of mail addressed to unknown people with Italian surnames. The landlord would turn up late at night and pick it up.

At the end, the landlady tried to keep my deposit "for the next month's rent". I reminded her that I'd given her my month's notice and I got my money back.

I can't remember whether I ever told my mum about the flat being a place of ill repute.

That's a point. Many years ago, a contractor harassed me for the final payment for an extension on our house. As well as being the contractor, he was the project manager, responsible for overseeing the paperwork for the building certificate.

I refused to give him the last payment until the snags were fixed - one was a doozy, I can tell you - and until I had the building certificate. He tried to say that that we didn't have an agreement that I could withhold part of the payment. Well no. We did have an agreement that he'd complete the job and he hadn't done that...

My husband had a severe stroke on the last day of work on the house. The contractor was phoning me and demanding payment while I was visiting DH in the Acute Stroke Ward.

I emailed the Building Inspector and explained the situation - basically begged him to come out and sign off so that I could pay the contractor.

The BI couldn't sign it off. The plan (drawn up by the contractor's architect) didn't show a change of level and he needed a tanking certificate as well. God bless him, he told me that he was sick of cowboys and he'd email the contractor.

When I phoned the contractor, he started yelling and shouting at me...

Anyway, I dealt with it. The inspector eventually was able to sign off. I paid.

After 4 months in rehab, DH learned to walk with a stick, in spite of permanent hemiparesis.

We were out for dinner one day. DH headed for the loo. I would normally have gone with him (to open doors etc), but his brother and SiL were with us, so his brother held open the door to the hotel lobby...and DH saw the contractor for the first time in over two years.

Contractor was at least 25 yrs younger than DH and 6ft 2. DH was a septuagenerian Aberdonian shortarse. DH: "I should slap your effing face for what you put my wife through!"

The contractor fled. True story.

DH knew that I'd handled things (with the help of the Building Inspector, I admit) but he wasn't going to lose his chance to let the contractor know what he thought of him.

Great example! He disrespected you and took advantage of you behind your husbands back, and he disrespected your husband, who was in hospital, causing extra stress for both of you.

It was shitty behaviour, and it was your husbands right to pull him up on it and express his own hurt, because you are a team, both of you were hurt, and whether you had already dealt with or not, he had his own anger at the situation.

Your Husband was not a misandrist (a hater of men) for having a go at him. To suggest so would be utterly preposterous, just like those throwing the word misogyny around on this thread and all over Mumsnet for any given situation.

some people are just arseholes and it should be made clear to them that they are an arsehole

Hence definitions - and dictionaries, are important

sadly we seem to be intellectually sliding as a society.

I agree, fighting is ridiculous, I think on this thread it was said in humour...I doubt many women would resort to violence because some slapper had tried it on with her husband.👊
You, however, in a previous post, seemed to blame the man for said slappers advances....which in this case, seems crazy.

Is it crazy? The vast majority of unwanted sexual harassment is conducted by men. It is not unusual for women and girls to be the target of that. It is less likely that a married man is repeatedly sexually harassed by different women, is it not?

Mind you; I don’t often encounter fighting in the street either. Maybe (thankfully) we mix in different circles and your circle is one of sexual harassment and scrapping. Mine certainly is not.

Nothing makes me more suspicious about how much a man can be trusted than his partner making a grandiose statement to impress how she trusts him 100% but because he is her best friend, lover, soulmate, LIFE, she will stand up and fight for him and ‘bate’ any slapper that comes near him because that’s how people in fully secure, real relationships act.

I can guarantee the vast majority of people foaming about how they’d kick 10 bells out of the other woman for disrespecting their relationship & encouraging each others EastEnders fantasies would actually do fuck all, because it’s far more likely they’d get their own arses handed to them because they aren’t lioness protecting their man, more mice trying to beg a cat not to hunt.

If your husband said no, you sent a text and you aren’t seeing her again, there’s shouldn’t be any need for grandstanding, unless you need to verbally piss on a grown man to mark him.

After reading the thread you still aren’t getting it are you? Society in general has a low opinion of low value people who make a play for someone else’s partner. Someone who says nothing is the mouse. Too scared to rock the boat, likely it would cause issues with their partner. Someone in a secure loving attachment, their partner wouod 100% have their back if they felt the need to express their thoughts to that low value person. Many people like that try it on with someone where there’s been no reciprocated signs of interests, so a very clear message is often exactly what they need to they stop repeat instances of sexually harassing someone else’s partner.

Did she reply??

Yes it's crazy....we are talking about this case, not men v women.
Have you read the thread, or are you just jumping on a man hating horse in order to contribute biased rubbish?

Ive read the thread. I just don’t agree that threatening and fighting is the correct way to conduct yourself.

But you crack on. I know whose life I would rather live. I think I’ll leave it here.

Neither do I believe in threatening and fighting, so I will presume you haven't read any of my posts.
Yes, do crack on seeing things I haven't said.🙄

Some people (not me) have made jokes about wanting to beat her arse- but for those of you that would remain totally passive and a doormat in a situation like this, they have used those few comments to derail the thread. The thread was about a text, should she send a text, the answer is yes, because low value people don’t give up that easily, and this particular low value woman needs to know that everything’s out on the table between husband and wife, and potentially their entire group. It’s called the consequences of her vile actions. Also the wife having been deeply disrespected us allowed to express her anger at this, and also show that nothing could come between her and her husband- something that many here seem to find hard to understand, either because their marriages have looser boundaries, or because they are afraid to rock the boat with their partner.

I get that people have different ways of handling things, I wouldn't text, I would speak to the woman directly.
I certainly would not let a slapper disrespect me in this way.

What Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot has done, is A...first make out the husband is at fault, B...make out the wife is totally insecure in her marriage if she dare speak out, and C...then accuses the posters who don't agree with her of being fist happy, when I am sure, the vast majority, prefer to make love, not war.

😁

The people (myself included) talking about giving this woman a slap sent being overly serious, I’m sure.

However, the OP has a right to be angry and to feel betrayed that this happened. Taking the high road and staying quiet looks weak IMO. Not because the OP owns her husband but because they have a life together that may include home, children, plans, memories etc. Someone coming along and trying to ruin that deserves to hear it.

Some of the replies on here make me think that if some posters found their man shagging another woman in their bed, they’d go make a cup of tea for everyone while waiting for them to finish.

I feel sad for the partners of the people on here that are not willing to fight for what they have built for years. Knowing that your partner doesn't have your back must feel really shit. It's just, there you go, you're a big boy, sort your shit out, really?

That makes no sense. What are you fighting for though? If you have a DH that will just go ‘yeah, no thanks’ then what are you fighting for? Nothing that you have ‘built for years’ will be destroyed because nothings happening. How is it not having someone’s back? It doesn’t take more than one yo go ‘yeah, no thanks’.

I would be beyond mortified if I said ‘yeah, no thanks’ to a guy and then DH sent him a communication. It would feel like I either couldn’t be trusted to sort it or was not capable so I wouldn’t be sticking around with a DH who thought those things about me. Similarly, the other way.

And yes, over the years both DH and I have had offers and said ‘yeah, no thanks’. When DH told me about someone being quite persistent I literally rolled around the floor with laughter and said ‘she knows you don’t pick up a vacuum, right’ and left him to it. Didn’t occur to me to get on social media in outrage, find the person and message them. Similarly, if I’ve bothered to tell him about someone he just says (tongue in cheek) ‘so I guess they haven’t discovered you’re a mega bitch then’, and we have some banter and a giggle and that’s it, he trusts me to competently sort it without him having to step in.

Yeah, I live in Glasgow and my DH is Irish. I wouldn’t bother to send a message to the woman unless she was a family member or close friend, if it was some random I just met I wouldn’t care enough to.
I’d trust my DH to set her straight and then I’d probably have a laugh with him about it and take the piss.

You’re all set to defend your DH’s honour but he doesn’t seem to want you to, does he? If he did, why did he ask you to leave it the night that it happened?
Especially given that she isn’t someone you both knew, how do you know he didn’t try it on with her and she rejected him so he made up some story about her coming on to him. I can’t really imagine any woman desperate enough to run around offering to suck random men’s dicks, unless your DH is completely drop dead gorgeous and she couldn’t resist 🤷‍♀️

Or maybe my theory is right and that’s why you haven’t updated the thread as to whether she replied or not…

And that’s exactly it, you’ve pinpointed the issue. Some people consider it their business only, and their partner getting involved to be “humiliating”, some others would like to keep it as an option and so wouldn’t want their partner involved in case they might shag that person in the future, some like the attention and hope to hear more from the person trying it on, and don’t want a complete stop put to it. But the point is, that they don’t see the anger or pain to their partner, that’s essentially besides the point for them. They don’t see it as their partners right to have any reaction to it. It is weak for a partner to say absolutely nothing, as thought they don’t know what even happened. It’s pathetic. You’ve said you wouldn’t stay with a partner who did that….so all it would take to break up your marriage is someone trying it on with you, and your partner naturally reacting to that and messaging the person. Likely you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t even tell your partner it had happened anyway, like so many are.