A woman made a pass at DH - Need help writing a text

[GirlInterrupted]

I want to send a beautifully written text to the woman who touched and proposed a BJ to my DH last night. I want to say wtaf, stay away from any social gatherings we will be at and leave the WhatsApp group.

Hit me with your best ones please

@Jazzjazzjazz so all it would take to break up your marriage is someone trying it on with you, and your partner naturally reacting to that and messaging the person. Likely you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t even tell your partner it had happened anyway, like so many are

Yes, that’s ‘all’ it would take. My DH has never infantilised me, or deemed me incompetent, and trusts me. Those things ARE critical to me so if those were breached that would be the end. I don’t believe it’s any sort of natural reaction to message someone in the context you put forward, I believe someone would only do that if they felt they had to take control of the situation deeming me incompetent. I don’t see myself as incompetent, quite the opposite. If DH saw me as incompetent, I’d turf him in a nanosecond. Similarly, why would I be with a DH who I deemed incompetent and/or untrustworthy! If I thought he was either of those things, which is the only reason I’d step in and message someone, then I wouldn’t want to be with him anyway and they could happily have him!

As for your assessment that I’m the kind of person who would never tell DH if someone propositioned me, you are wrong and right. If it’s someone DH doesn’t know, has never met, and I can’t see them ever meeting, then I wouldn’t tell him. Not because I’m hiding anything, not because I’m interested, not because I may want to in the future. It’s because it would just be too tedious with no output. ‘Hi DH, Dave from nephrology hit on me today, I told him he’s having a laugh and sent him packing’. In return I’ll get ‘What’s nephrology’. Cue 10mins of my life I’ll never get back explaining what it is and answering questions about nephrology. He won’t care about Dave. However, if it’s anyone we know in common then I’ll tell him as there is a point as we can have a giggle about them at the time and also whenever we see them we can joke with each other about it. ‘Look, there’s roaring Roger at the dips, if you go now you can make his day and give him a grope’, and we have a giggle at Roger’s expense, why not.

Your assumption is that their reaction to it is about YOU, that it’s infantilising you, deeming you incompetent and not trusting you. This entire thread is full of a different perspective, have you read it? People are entitled to their own feelings and anger when their relationship is trampled on, and you should be more concerned with your partners feelings about it, than concerned about your own pride. Serious short sightedness on this post and a failure to see the disrespect shown to your partner. Essentially by dumping them, you’d be allowing that other individual to wreck your relationship because you can’t control your partner enough to suppress their emotions, or respect the fact that they have any, and are fully entitled to make them known to that low value individual who propositioned you. Majority of people here who would make known to the low value person that they had an issue with them propositioning their partner have given their solid reasons why, which have nothing to do with infantilising their partner or not trusting them. If a low value person doesn’t have the respect to not trample over a relationship, they should expect consequences and anger from the spouse of the person they’ve tried to seduce, knowing they were in a relationship.

because you can’t control your partner enough to suppress their emotions, or respect the fact that they have any, and are fully entitled to make them known to that low value individual who propositioned you

Yes, I’ve read the thread. I can read. It’s an odd emotion to have though. If/when DH has been propositioned I’ve not had any emotion other than mirth. I really can’t understand the whole anger drama. Same for DH, he’s never experienced anger. If you felt no threat and had trust then how does this anger even arise?

Obviously, this all only pertains to people trying it on. If it was a case of actual stalking or really odd behaviour outside the parameters of someone just propositioning it/trying it on and not taking no for an answer, then absolutely anger would be normal. Fear, anger, frustration etc and I’d absolutely expect partners to have each others backs and work together in such a case.

Depends on your view of sex I suppose, and your boundaries, but please don’t promote that it’s not ok for somebody to have those boundaries, and to take it seriously when someone sexually harasses/ propositions their partner. It is a huge mark of disrespect. You may find it funny, but people who do these things, aren’t doing it for a laugh are they, why should there be no consequences? Better to put them thoroughly in their place and put an end to it. The fact you’d break up with your partner for reacting to it, as well as your focus purely on self, and seeming to lack the emotional intelligence to understand that a reaction wouldn’t be about you and infantilising you, is more concerning in my opinion.

why should there be no consequences? Better to put them thoroughly in their place and put an end to it

Well, the consequence is the person saying ‘and that will be a no’, and that also puts them in their place. But if you feel it’s better to get raised blood pressure, want to fight people, track them down on social media and cobble a load of whatever together and send, or take out a full page ad telling them off, all to ‘put them in their place’ then you do you I guess. And I’m more than fine thanks, as is DH who thinks/behaves in exactly the same way. Probably why we have been married for several decades as we share the same values, trust, respect, confidence in each other and the ability not to go bananas over trivial matters (again, not talking about situations where people don’t take no for an answer, or actual stalking etc).

I think if the DH told her no and showed no interest then he’s done exactly the right thing and made her look (and probably feel) a bit silly.

Thats the response I’d be looking for if I had a partner, in that instance I don’t think there’s a need to follow it up any further.

She will already be aware that OP must know too. This woman has made herself look a right berk …..I personally would just enjoy the fact that the DH shut it straight down.

I love how you added to that and elaborated. They are part of the same circle of friends, and the original poster was talking about sending a text. But you write your fantasy stories if you like 🙄 if this was someone who was in my social circle and we had mutual friends, 100% I’d send a text, and I’d also make sure that everyone knew about it, especially as this woman has form and has attempted it with someone else’s husband in the past

Of course he said no. The offer was clearly a distasteful prank and not serious.

Haha your user names says it all. You sound reather aggressive

She’s not aggressive, you’re just a wind up, and who knows how you behave behind closed doors. Perhaps this thread is touching a nerve for some of the women in here?

One thing that's interesting on Mumsnet is how often participants shame one another for holding different/differing views. It's pretty strange that there is so little tolerance among adults, presumably some of whom are parenting young folks 👀

For me, how I would react would depend on whom the woman was.

If she was a friend, or in the same friends group that I socialised with, as was indicated in the OP's first posts, I would most definitely address it by speaking to her directly.
Not only is she prepared to make crude passes at her friends husbands, she is treating her friends (because it's not the first husband she has tried this on with) in the worst possible way. And THAT is the reason I would speak out.
I am a good friend and I expect the same loyalty back.

If it was some random slapper who I don't know from Adam, I wouldn't give her the time of day.