Should I pay for his care?

[Rubesandme]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

Im the youngest of 5 siblings, all girls. My dad was desperate for a boy and I was his last chance as my mother said this (me) was absolutely her last pregnancy. Sadly for him he got another girl. It coloured my life, he made no attempt to have a relationship with me, we weren’t close, growing up I never really noticed as I was very close to my mother (she died 7 years ago) but as an adult I did.

Financially, my dad provided well for the family and despite being working class I never felt like I missed out on anything, clothes, holidays etc..but emotionally there was nothing.

fast forward to now and Dad is in dementia care home for last 3 years. The sale of the family home has afforded him wonderful care ( according to my sisters as I rarely visit, no point as I just get put downs from him) but the money has nearly run out and if we are to keep him there, there is a shortfall of £5k a month or he will have to be moved to a different home (he’s 92)

none of my sisters can afford the shortfall but I can through a twist of fate. Something happened to me 30 years ago and I was awarded nearly near £1 million. To explain this has been a long fight through the courts for the last 30 years and I finally recieved this amount last year.

Myself and OH are now in our 60s, we’ve worked hard, have a comfortable lifestyle, and decent pension and savings (even excluding the compensation) both retired and live in a lovely location.

we have 3 adult children ( and 6 GC) who we have gifted Large amounts following the payout. What im saying is We don’t need the money.

i know when push comes to shove I will pay the shortfall (he’s still my Dad) but I feel slightly resentful. Not even sure why I came on here, probably just to write it down. Would be interested to hear any comments.

When you say you don't need the money it would be more accurate to say you don't need the money yet.
Your father will not be leaving an inheritance for you, do you want to do the same to your children?
Prioritise your children and grandchildren anything could happen in the future and you may resent not having the money spent on your dad's care home when you need it for something else.

There are lots of nice care homes that don’t cost this much per month. Don’t waste your children’s inheritance on a man who never loved you, and probably wont realise the perks of the home in the months to come. You don’t owe him anything.

Paying the fees for say a year seems a reasonable compromise as long as it is on the understanding that no further funds will be available and your sisters actively look for a cheaper care home ( given that you have kindly given them a period of grace). In a sense, you will be doing this for your sisters rather than your father. If the situation is not resolved at the end of 12 months, then the cheque book is firmly and permanently closed.

I'd do this.

I'd keep it for your kids and grand kids, nothing to say the care home he would be moved to wouldn't be just as good. What if you use it on your Dad and then it's needed?