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Original poster

DP has been left an estate in a will ...

404 replies

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:12

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

OP posts:
SoUnsureWhatToDo · 08/12/2024 07:59

The will is irrelevant. She's only mid-50s, she may well have changed it before she dies, he may die first whilst she lives to be over 100. A million different things could happen that mean he never receives this inheritance.

However, you have bigger problems in your relationship than a theoretical inheritance which might never happen. If she's his best friend and they are so close, there's no reason for you not to meet her. Are you sure it's as one-sided as her having a crush on him? He seems awfully invested if he's cancelling plans with you to go and help her out with things. I'd be reconsidering the relationship on the basis of the lack of respect that is showing for you. The inheritance here is completely irrelevant.

Mirabai · 08/12/2024 08:00

Velvian · 08/12/2024 07:56

You mean legacy rather than estate. However it is neither a legacy or the person's estate until their dead, so it is all hypothetical.

Quite. The actual scenario is this: DP has been named as a beneficiary in a will of a living woman in her 50s.

Enoughofthisnow · 08/12/2024 08:01

If your dp already has children, that's the only reason I can think would justify this type of stipulation, in order to protect your DPs children should he ever get married and then divorce.

Otherwise, it just wreaks of her trying to control him and keep him at her beck and call. Which is the bigger issue tbh.

Meadowfinch · 08/12/2024 08:02

Firstly, it's not legally enforceable unless it's in a trust.

Secondly the benefactor is still alive so they could spend it, use it for care, change their mind or get married themselves. All of which would mean the money woulldn't arrive.

Just ignore it and carry on with your life as normal.

Original poster
spidersnope · 08/12/2024 08:02

@Enoughofthisnow no he has no children

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 08/12/2024 08:02

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:12

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

I was imagining a Country pile and many acres from an already deceased person, not a £500k property which in the scheme of things could well be eroded by care fees as the person who owns the house is still alive!

Saschka · 08/12/2024 08:03

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 08/12/2024 07:27

Why are you giving this headspace? This woman is clearly manipulating him with money and I doubt very much if your DP has seen said 'will' or any evidence to back up her claim.

She is trying to sabotage your relationship and you are helping her by even thinking about this. Your DP needs to cut her off, it is a very unhealthy 'friendship'.

This. The will likely doesn’t actually exist, and if it does, items almost guaranteed to be changed to something less batshit when this woman gets over her crush on your DP. Just behave as if the will doesn’t exist.

What I would be slightly more concerned about is your DH’s attitude to shared money - it does not sound like he is on the same page as you, and it also sounds like he’s enjoying leading on this friend of his. Both of which are far more serious relationship problems than some fictitious will.

Onelifeonly · 08/12/2024 08:03

Firstly I can't see that it is enforceable, so he could just sell and use the money as he sees fit. Secondly, if the person is still alive, nothing is guaranteed - a will can be changed.

Meanwhile, don't make decisions based on something that hasn't happened yet and may never happen.

Mog65 · 08/12/2024 08:03

Perhaps he should speak to a lawyer. Could do this of the record. Better than listening to all the comments on here.

Another2Cats · 08/12/2024 08:03

It is certainly possible for this other woman to place her estate in a discretionary trust on her death with the DP as the beneficiary along with a letter of wishes as to how the trustees should deal with it (eg excluding the OP). This is certainly possible to do.

But, as others have said, unless she has a life limiting illness then it is likely that she will here for another 30 years. In all likelihood she will change her will between then and now anyway.

But even if she doesn't, then both you and DP are going to be in your 70s and retired. Do you think that he would divorce you and throw you out of the home penniless at that point? That won't happen.

oakleaffy · 08/12/2024 08:04

Mirabai · 08/12/2024 08:00

Quite. The actual scenario is this: DP has been named as a beneficiary in a will of a living woman in her 50s.

Show quote history

Well this woman could live to 100 these days..

healthybychristmas · 08/12/2024 08:04

People like her trying to live a very long time. Their spite keeps them going I think.

Judge a person by the company he keeps. He is good friends with a complete nutcase who likes to control everything and plans to do so even after her death. She clearly doesn't want the best for him. Look at why he isn't running a mile from someone like this .

You are in your 30s presumably. Why the hell are you bothering with somebody like this?

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 08:04

I’d just ignore it. She’s only in her 50s! Had a client recently who’s 105! She could outlive you all. She can change her will on a whim. It may be used up in care fees. Also once you are married it would only be an actual issue if you got divorced.

Enoughofthisnow · 08/12/2024 08:05

Yes, this is more of a dp issue in terms of being able to set healthy boundaries. It's a really odd set up. What's his view on it OP?

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:06

WillowTit · 08/12/2024 07:42

the main issue is if you have children,
but you dont intend to
but if he leaves the estate in his will to a spouse for example, surely that overrides the original will, where else would it go?

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. The friends’ will stipulates that OP can’t benefit from the inheritance, so he wouldn’t be able to bequeath her anything connected with it. The question is whether/how the terms of the are legally enforceable. I wouldn’t assume that they aren’t and would get some legal advice.

I don’t understand the relationship between DP and his friend. OP has never met her - that’s a red flag right there. Why is he keeping them apart ? He’s also expected OP to take a back seat and cancel their plans several times so that DP can spend time with his friend. Sounds like she’s easily able to manipulate him, which is a big concern.

Friend is controlling, and is trying to ensure she can exert that control over him from beyond the grave, which is batshit. If l were OP l would make it clear that he needs to untangle himself from this friendship before there is any suggestion of marriage or even moving in together. And that, for me, would include telling her he doesn’t want the inheritance and she should change her will to that effect. She’s clearly obsessed with him to quite a dangerous level if this is what she’s planning - it ensures that he’s still thinking about her long after she’s dead and gone.

Sorry OP but l think you know there is something very wrong with this friendship - he may have stepped back but he’s still involved and still allowing her unspoken control. There are three of you in your relationship with DP. For me, he would have to choose. Her or me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/12/2024 08:06

She's 50. You are both mid 30's

She could live for another 40yrs. Meet someone. Marry. Need care home fees or even change will etc

Don't worry till she dies

Very strange you Havnt met her tho if been together for a few years and they are good friends

fufulina · 08/12/2024 08:07

I don’t understand why you care? It will ultimately be his money, and he can leave it to who he chooses, which may or may not be you. You’re solvent. This money is additional. It’s not yours. Why would this influence any decisions you make?

oakleaffy · 08/12/2024 08:07

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:57

It's interesting that people have said this is controlling and the first post about setting him up for a life on his own

To drip feed

This person is his female friend who in my opinion is obsessed with him

When I first met him I found their friendship to be overbearing

I ignored the 100 texts a day , daily phone calls and him having to see her twice a week every week.

It came to a head when he cancelled plans with me 3 times in quick succession to go do something for her. Asking me to take annual leave for example to spend a day with him and then spending the best part of the day with her as she had yet another issue that needed sorting .

He's now dialled this friendship right back but I still feel uncomfortable about the whole thing.

These are obviously separate issues to the legality and technical issues the will leaves but like I say it's interesting other people have said this is 'controlling' without knowing who the person was .

Bloody hell! I was imagining an uncle or parent, not some obsessed crazy.

Chances are he'll never see a penny of that money anyway.

Ignore her and marry if that's what you want.

julia08 · 08/12/2024 08:08

She’s in her 50s and is likely to live for decades yet. And once she sees your partner is in a long term relationship (or she meets someone else herself), she’s likely to change her will anyway. Very unwise of either of you to let your life decisions be influenced by anything this woman claims.

CatNoon · 08/12/2024 08:10

The issue here is not this woman and her so-called ‘will’. She can do as she pleases. The issue is you have a partner who is still firmly enmeshed with another woman who is romantically interested in him. You can say he dialled it back but that’s not really evident from this scenario. And if this is dialled back, what was it like before?! And you’ve never met her nor are allowed to? Their ‘friendship’ is not compatible with an outside romantic relationship.

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 08:10

My issue wouldn’t be the will that’s a red herring but this weird relationship!

NalafromtheLionKing · 08/12/2024 08:11

If this had been an elderly relative, I would have been tempted just to go with it and hold off on getting married as you are doing anyway. Lots of people don’t understand the legal technicalities and would just leave the property to him absolutely, thinking their wishes would be honoured (which they wouldn’t need to be in this case, if a formal will trust with trustees had not been set up).

However, you are more in a Baby Reindeer scenario. She is dangling the hope of his one day inheriting the property and cutting you out, in the hope you two will break up. Don’t give her that satisfaction. It will probably come to nothing anyway as, even if said property does exist, she will likely outlive him or flounce off and say she will leave it to the local dead spiders’ home whenever they have an argument.

Velvian · 08/12/2024 08:12

Velvian · 08/12/2024 07:56

You mean legacy rather than estate. However it is neither a legacy or the person's estate until their dead, so it is all hypothetical.

Sorry I used their instead of they're. Shocked at myself. 😅

Justsayit123 · 08/12/2024 08:13

This woman could live for 40 years or go into anyone so this is all very irrelevant. Ignore it and continue as you were.

Onelifeonly · 08/12/2024 08:13

Meet her and find out what he's dealing with. At least then you can make a judgement of the nature of their relationship. You never know, she might become a friend to you too, or you may realise how bonkers and possibly dangerous she actually is - and how deficient his judgement is.