DP has been left an estate in a will ...

[spidersnope]

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

Once it’s his, surely he can do what he wants with it? Wouldn’t it count as family money in the case of a divorce as in, he’d have to declare it on his form E?

Tbh, if he’s willing to put this person’s wishes over your feelings and the financial wellbeing of your family, I’d be questioning whether I wanted to be together anyway.

If she’s mid 50s, she is likely to live until 85 in which case she will have used quite a bit on care, found a new obsession or whatever. I wouldn’t worry about an inheritance your OH is getting aged 70.

I would be worrying about the nature of this relationship. Is it as platonic as he claims? Why have you never met her - is she all over him? Something doesn’t add up here at all.

So he sells the estate and you buy somewhere together? Or you buy somewhere together and down the line use the money to pay off the mortgage. I don’t understand how a will could stop him choosing to do this

I agree, if this is a plot for a book the amount needs an extra zero for the levels of drama being drummed up by the op.

Mhmmmm, I am wondering, could your 'dp' be lying to you? You say you have considerable assets, he may be interested in?

This is a hypothetical situation @spidersnope . It sounds like this friend wants to be with your DP romantically. DP obviously doesn't want that, as he has sought other relationship.

It is very likely that they will have a big falling out long before this became a reality.

I would focus very much on DP's treatment of you, without reference to the friend. It was really unacceptable that DP got you to take a day of annual leave and then did not stick to the commitment.

the main issue is if you have children,
but you dont intend to
but if he leaves the estate in his will to a spouse for example, surely that overrides the original will, where else would it go?

That's an interesting point.

It would be a pretty crap book

No this is real

I think after leaving his ex he has massively leaned on this woman and their friendship became codependent in my opinion pretty unhealthy on both their parts

Either, ................

He hasnt inherited the money yet and may never do so

And/Or I am no judge of the human condition but there is something a bit funny going on in his relationship with the testator

I’m confused. This hasn’t happened yet, sounds like hearsay, you have no idea how legal it is. You’re worried you would be turfed out of said house in the event of your partners death but already have a home that is yours so therefore gave options to ensure your ok….i think you’ve blown this up entirely. It sounds more like an issue with this relationship you DP has with the person ‘leaving’ him the house.

Your title is misleading OP - i thought your DP had been left a country estate by an elderly relative. Who had actually died.

I'd be more concerned why you've never met this woman who he has been/is so close to 🚩🚩

she may change her mind
she sounds very odd

This was my first thought too. However on the chance that this is real....
I think your partner is being very unreasonable to even consider maintaining this "friendship". What kind of a "friend" stipulates such conditions? How bloody manipulative!
She's just telling him how much she mistrusts you and he is allowing that. Yuck.
Also at 55, there is plenty of time for her to meet a partner of her own.
Your partner sounds like a prat for going along with this nonsense. I can't abide drama so I'd be out of there.

"Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k."

No he hasn't!!! This is a non issue created by his very strange "friend " and you've gone along with it from what I can see.
If there is a will, and if/ when she dies you are still with DP then you have a decision to make. Right now she's just successfully got under your s and his skin!

He’s not been left anything, and it’s likely there won’t be any estate to inherit from this apparently manipulative person for 30+ years. Even if it were ‘true’ at this moment in time, he would be a fool to live his life with any expectation around it.

If he does insist on continuing to jump to her tube in expectation, I’d walk away.

There seems to be massive confusion on this thread between estate of person left affer death (ie money/property), and a estate of land. Between alive and dead. Between claiming to write something in a will and having been left money by someone now deceased.

Bottom line seems to be an enmeshed friendship and a woman claiming to have done something that may or may not be true, but is highly unlikely to happen anyway.

@TheBiggestMuffInCheshire
Agreed
The Will was written up before he met me however

She could have another 40 odd years left!! Ignore it and continue your life

He has massively dialled back the friendship and other than that issue our relationship is great

"massively" comes across as you trying to convince yourself he isn't talking to his friend anymore, Don't be so sure of that.

It's highly doubtful he's walked away from that carrot she's dangling before his eyes, a juicy £500K inheritance.

Why would he even mention it to you, when the chances of it happening in the next few decades are so slim?

Your opening post say he's been left the estate, which is highly inaccurate. His friend can change her mind anytime she likes, it is far from a "done deal".

it sounds like she's deliberately trying to put something big between you and him, to derail your relationship. Is that what you really want, to have this sword of Damocles hanging over your entire relationship while she watches on.

Just for clarity, do either of you have children?

You mean legacy rather than estate. However it is neither a legacy or the person's estate until their dead, so it is all hypothetical.

Once he inherits it is up to him who he shares it with and puts in his will. If married, legally it becomes a shared asset(although if he is still married to an ex that may mean she can claim) and any conditions may be unenforceable. However the issue you have is how your bf perceives it and his reluctance to consider implications for you. Both are coming across as controlling towards you and that behaviour may continue irrespective of any inheritance

I’m really not sure what the issue is? DP will have a future inheritance which you say you’re not interested in anyway. You won’t live in it together anyway either he’ll sell it or rent it out. You have your own financial security of your own property that is nearly paid off. But now you’re not sure how to proceed in the relationship and are put off from moving in together? I don’t understand what the problem is? You can still buy a house together this is just a seperate issue

Are you sure she exists op?!