Alcoholic DP...is it over?

[Morry15]

Been with alcoholic DP for 18 months. Met OLD. Told me 5 months into dating he had some 'issues' with alcohol

Had no idea how bad it was.

Fast forward, AA meetings, therapy, in-house rehab. He's been drinking the whole time.

Last Thursday was the last straw. Met up, was drunk (he denied it initially, then admitted to it). Had argument. Haven't spoken since.

Had tried to leave in the past but felt like I was giving up on him.

I know it's the right thing for us not to be together but I'm still sad.

Just need a handhold I guess.

If he's sat there on his own then all he'll have is him, his alcohol and his thoughts. If he can hook up with someone else then he can distract himself for a while and pretend that he's fine. Of course he won't be able to stay on best behaviour for long and sooner or later he'll be a blight on someone else's life.

When someone is in addiction, everything they do is driven by the need to perpetuate that addiction. You wouldn't believe some of the convoluted things my late husband came out with to justify his alcohol use. Even at the point where it was rehab or divorce, he was still trying to talk me into letting him off with just 'tracking his drinking on a spreadsheet' and when I said no, he told me I had to stop talking about his drinking because it upset him. When I still didn't cave, he said that if I insisted on him doing rehab, he would drink more in the runup to going there. I told him that would be his choice and his responsibility.

Of course I should have seen then that he had no intention of giving up the drink, but like many of us I wanted to give him one last chance.

Yours has had his last chance. Yes, he is utterly delusional. He always will be - until he dies or until he decides he needs to get sober. I think you know which scenario is more likely.

No no no don’t think that, don’t go there!
No way is it you. However good he looks now, he’ll be the same with someone else, the only difference might be he hides it better or new victim doesn’t see it. You went for a reason, the reason is still as valid as ever. You just need to do the full Ella Fitzgerald ‘wash that man right outta my hair’.
You’ve washed, now rinse and condition!

These men always need a woman as they can’t look after themselves. Poor cow whoever the next victim is and thank your lucky stars it’s not you op! Well done getting away. He’s pathetic.

Wow, he has a serious problem and he will probably die from the drink eventually. It's only a matter of time with an addiction that bad. It's good that you won't be around to see it happen, but I understand that it's painful. Maybe you should ask all mutual friends not to give you these updates. Take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think it was just the initial shock of seeing him on the website that was difficult (especially after the phone call last week with all his declarations). It's possibly more about that (the fact that it reinforces he's untrustworthy and a liar and I got him all wrong. When we first met, I thought he was great...I really did. He ticked all my boxes).

I beluve my neighbour called me up to show me his profile in case he contacted me again and I had a moment of weakness. She wanted me to know and I'm glad she told me.

Maybe I'm being childish but last night I went through my phone and deleted any trace of him (I'd already blocked him) but still had some photos of him/us etc. All gone. He no longer exists (well in my phone anyway).

I also blocked his family (not that they had done anything to me, they were always very nice to me but it made sense to do so).

Thank you again. Your responses bring me back to reality.