MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

I would suspect you touched a nerve with your MIL, who kind of flounced from her job and lived off your FIL 😉 I wouldn’t bring it up again though, it’s literally none of her business what you both decide to do going forward.

I do think your DH should learn from this not to give financial details, even to close family. He should practice a nice vague answer in case it arises in future.

It did sound a bit grabby

But you are married and all money in a pot as such

To sell a chunk of a business and create a life for you both to not work (apart from one day a week for dh) sounds amazing

Maybe mil jealous ? Are they struggling ?

That was a bitchy "you don't get what he gets, his money's not your money" comment from her and it's understandable you're justifiably upset.

If your DH raises it again, point out to her exactly what is wrong with her statement. Just say "Oh not really part of them family am I, in your opinion?"

That'll get her.

Yeah, because picking a new fight will really fix things 🙄

The OP was a bit crass
The MIL was a it catty

Why not just leave it there?

your MIL is quick on the retorts, good for her to make it very clear its not your money. Certainly put you in your place & the bit you can't put your finger in is the flea she left in your ear.

They're married. It is also her money.
Why "good for her" being nasty like that?

Given your updates, I now agree her comment was quite weird and bitchy. Maybe she assumes he’s been carrying you financially the whole time you’ve been together, because she can’t imagine otherwise? Whatever she’s thinking, I think you just have to shrug it off and put it down to a different mindset and a generation gap.

She was only joking!

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist why not just leave it there is because why should you if someone raises it again.

I didn't say she should start up a conversation about it. I said if it happens again she should respond.

All this conversational martyrdom where people feel the need to be 10x politer than the person talking to them when someone is rude to them seems to be causing a mire of upset feelings and social issues.

If someone is really rude to you, twice, it's ok to be rude enough back to them to simply point out how rude they're being.

You don't need to pussyfoot around everyone all the time and be the social martyr.

Why was it distasteful? The money isn't from an inheritance following a bereavement but from the sale of part of OP's DH's business.

Yeah. And look at how that works out for some of the women on this site.

OP is married so she is her MIL.

But your married? So that makes all the difference surely?

Many a true word said in jest as they say.

This.

I think your feeling off about the comment as your MIL’s true feelings about you came to light.

The convention on this site is to use DH husband when married, as it makes it easier for everyone to understand the situation, especially ones like these involving money/legalities.
Your use of DP (partner) has muddied this and made it a much longer thread than it needed to be!

Your comment didn’t help, it was obviously said on the spur of the moment, in probably a jokey way. But it wasn’t taken in the way you thought it would, fair enough. Both comments are ok here I think.

It's not very British to talk about money. It's frowned upon here. So maybe she was uncomfortable and that's why she made that comment

If it's his family's money then I understand they being protective of it. Lady of leisure is fine if you can fund your own lifestyle and contribute sufficiently to the family.

If it's his family's money then I understand they being protective of it.

It's her family's money - ie her and her DH.

It's not very British to talk about money. It's frowned upon here.

The DH was the one that blurted out the amount. OP just made a jokey remark to lighten the tension.

I would just practice doing your cat's bum face in a mirror until you've perfected it and can look forward to doing it back at her, otherwise I'd pay it no mind: It was probably just throw away comment, as was yours.

Yeah you're welcome to describe your husband as a partner.
If you have 'baggage' ( to quote you) with husband and wife and want to use partner, you can.
But why is it necessary to make out as if 'partner ' is somehow better or more connected, shows a deeper emotional commitment, more equality etc?
You can choose partner, but you don't have to make out as if the rest of us bog standard idiots using husband and wife just 'arent as equal' as you

It's almost as if OP has a habit of saying controversial things purposely to stir up drama ...

She is. OP is married and her DH's mother is MIL

It sounded like you were planning to use his money to quit work and doss about.

God, don’t do this this, OP. It was a joke, you’ve done nothing wrong. If you were the MIL posting then the same posters would be ripping you a new one, it’s just how they pass their days.