MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

OP do not listen to the comments using words like "lazy" - I find it fascinating yet bizarre how ingrained it is in us that having lots or free time/working part time, if you can afford to, is lazy. Time is the biggest commodity we can buy with money- to have more free time, to have the freedom to spend that time as you choose. So many people are greedy when it comes to consuming products, moving on to a bigger house, more expensive car etc- people view this as fine, they define it as success. I read a good book recently called 'the psychology of money' (can't remember the authors name) and the author was absolutely on my wave length on the issue of time. There's a brilliant book called "Bullshit jobs" by David Graeber that I'm always reminded of when people start taking about this sort of "laziness".

Yes it's hers according to a bit of paper but personally I wouldn't be claiming any of it unless his family were 100% supportive.

Family pots are fine but it needs to be relatively equal in terms of input if it isn't to cause resentment.

They both said equally tactlesss unfunny things. But because it's a MIL, she's a wicked witch "showing her true colours" "not wanting the OP in her family". Just ridiculous. They both made a mistake. Forget about it and move on.

I can understand why she might feel that.

It was a crass comment by you op. Sorry.

Exactly. If it's a lot of money which they worked hard for then I entirely agree.

Saw your updates. What you said was fine - maybe MIL projecting a bit there. I would let it go.

I am very envious op, enjoy your lovely future.

If you're normally in a good relationship with her I'd say don't over think this,
I think it's just a bit of mama bear coming out. If you have children you'll find out that No matter what age our children are and even if they are parents themselves there's a always a bit of protective edge in favour of our child that pops out now and then.
My gorgeous mum ( 91) still looks out for me middle child 58 years old and if she thinks I'm being to soft with my nearest and dearest or their taking the piss she will let you know.

Bloody well said ! I think I’m gonna read these books

They aren’t less necessarily, but it’s different financially and legally.

On mumsnet people often refer to what I would define as a boyfriend as ‘DP’, now that I find utterly weird. And that is devaluing to actual ‘P’s.

Exactly. What's sauce for the goose...

She’s pleased but a little bit jealous. When he blurted out the no doubt substantial six figure sum she will have compared it to their situation and clearly they’ve not had equity in a company to sell.

Forget it and focus on enjoying it with your husband. You both deserve it.

Maybe treat the in-laws too lol.

You actually said what DP gets will do nicely? Blinking heck.

Yes it's hers according to a bit of paper but personally I wouldn't be claiming any of it unless his family were 100% supportive.

How would it be any of his parents business what he and his wife's financial arrangements are? My inlaws certainly have no input in ours.

So what did dh say when you/mil said that

I would have expected him to back you up

Yes both looking forward to not working

It's lovely we can both give up/cut down on working

It's our money

Etx

Crass comment
Are you hoping they'll pop their clogs quickly so that you can get your mitts on your DP's money?

Are you hoping they'll pop their clogs quickly so that you can get your mitts on your DP's money?

Her husband is selling his business.

Honestly people are so weird about other people having a bit of money.

I have a very flexible work from home job. DH works away, and when he's home I do the bare minimum required hours so I can spend time with him. Means I don't earn much but so what, he does.

Having the money to buy time to spend together is priceless. What DH, coming into a large sum of money and only having to work one day a week, would see their wife spend most of her time in an office?

I really am so sorry that I said "DP". I honestly just didn't think because we always use "partner". I'm so sorry for the confusion and lack of clarity.

DP would be working a day a week for 18-months, paid very handsomely to do so.

I'll have a look at the David Graeber book, I like his work!

Pretty hypocritical seeing that MIL did exactly that herself wouldn't you think?

Perhaps read the thread

Partner is not incorrect. Have you never heard of civil partnerships?
You need to keep up with the times

I think you made a bad joke and it wasn't received well.

Sounds like she is jealous in an odd kind of way. I don't think you've done anything wrong OP, enjoy the money and the leisure time, good for you.

Saw the update about it being a potential business sale- another point to make is that no one is successful on their own- there's always people behind them providing emotional support etc, with any romantic committed partnership (married or life partner) the partner/spouse will have provided emotional support, emotional labour, often unpaid domestic labour etc that allows the other person to focus on their career/business etc. So it's absolute bullshit to believe that only the partner/spouse has "earned" the financial success.