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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this the behavior of an adult man?

173 replies

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:30

Hi there! We met on a dating site. We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call. At first he said that he would come in 2 months, but now he says in 4 months. The guy constantly wanted to talk to me via video, but I have work, I have other things to do, I can get sick, I’m a living person, but he continued to insist, although he saw that such pressure was stressing me out. Moreover, there was no trust in him, if he were really in love, he would have come to see me long ago. Relations began to get worse. Then he disappeared for 2 weeks, came back and said that he had a lot on his mind. I forgave him, but the relationship cooled. Trust is gone. He admitted that his ex showed up, but he just talked to her and gave her advice in a difficult situation, although she wants to get the relationship back but he said he doesn’t want her in his life, she cheated on him. One day he asked if I could talk via video today, I said that I could in an hour or tomorrow, he replied, “choose it yourself, im home”, later I texted that I was ready to talk, he said that he would be home in 15 minutes, he came and texted that he was ready to talk, after 5 minutes I called via video call, and he picked up the phone without a video call, just like a regular call and said that he had to get out, he was in the car, and said “sorry it didn’t work out today, let’s do it tomorrow.” I turned off the video, then texted “I thought you’re home” “next time be more specific in time”, he wrote “you are very difficult” I replied “yes, you can’t handle me, find someone easier” he replied that he's done talking to me and blocked me. Is this the behavior of an adult 43 year old man?

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 26/11/2024 11:33

only read up to here

“We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call.”

answer: No not the behaviour of a normal adult man

Comedycook · 26/11/2024 11:35

Op... saying this in the kindest way possible...are you vulnerable in some way? This is not a relationship.

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 26/11/2024 11:35

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 26/11/2024 11:33

only read up to here

“We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call.”

answer: No not the behaviour of a normal adult man

Well yeah, even up to that point is major ick and massive love-bombing behavior. This is not someone to have any kind of relationship with.

TwistedWonder · 26/11/2024 11:36

Very short answer - NO

Longer answer - more red flags than a communist party rally in Moscow on May Day

Block block block block block

ForgottenPasswordNewAccount · 26/11/2024 11:36

this is a scam - he is going to start asking for money
Block and move on

PashaMinaMio · 26/11/2024 11:38

Stop being naive and getting sucked into this non-sense. You live in different countries and seems as if you’ve dodged a bullet.
Get out now before you go any deeper.
This is not the behaviour of an adult man.
Chuck him back into the slurry pit.

Silenus · 26/11/2024 11:39

It’s not the behaviour of two adult human beings. No one is ‘in love’ after a few phone calls, but you’re just as crazy for engaging in endless phone chitchat with someone on another continent! Just date someone who lives locally that you can actually meet!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/11/2024 11:40

No an adult man doesn't declare his love for someone he's never met. Likewise an adult woman doesn't believe such declarations.

Waterboatlass · 26/11/2024 11:40

Well no but it isn't 'normal' behaviour to entertain it either. Why are you engaging in this with someone you can't meet in person easily? I suggest rethinking your dating approach

Parkmybentley · 26/11/2024 11:41

Have you met him or not? It sounds like not? Sorry to say but it's a scam. You're not alone. There's a few documentaries to watch to get an idea of how these people operate and all the tricks they use to manipulate.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:43

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 26/11/2024 11:33

only read up to here

“We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call.”

answer: No not the behaviour of a normal adult man

Yes, I agree. At least I spent 2 months not 2 years on this empty talker.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 26/11/2024 11:43

His behaviour is remarkably similar to that experienced by a friend of a friend who six months in realized her paramour (who also lived abroad) was trying to scam her out of money.

Make sure you block him because I expect in a few days he'll be back to trying to reel you in.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:44

Comedycook · 26/11/2024 11:35

Op... saying this in the kindest way possible...are you vulnerable in some way? This is not a relationship.

No, why ?

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:47

TwistedWonder · 26/11/2024 11:36

Very short answer - NO

Longer answer - more red flags than a communist party rally in Moscow on May Day

Block block block block block

Yes. I blocked him many times, he found way to contact me, apologized a lot , I think he did it to be the one who “dumps” , typical narcissist

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/11/2024 11:47

No this is not normal. He hasn’t met you in person and is love-bombing you and then messing you about.
Save your times and energy for someone closer to home who you can meet in person.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:48

PashaMinaMio · 26/11/2024 11:38

Stop being naive and getting sucked into this non-sense. You live in different countries and seems as if you’ve dodged a bullet.
Get out now before you go any deeper.
This is not the behaviour of an adult man.
Chuck him back into the slurry pit.

You’re right, I’m not that experienced in relationships and he noticed that

OP posts:
Youvebeenframed · 26/11/2024 11:51

He’s a massive scammer 🚩🚩🚩🚩 report, block and move on.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:51

Parkmybentley · 26/11/2024 11:41

Have you met him or not? It sounds like not? Sorry to say but it's a scam. You're not alone. There's a few documentaries to watch to get an idea of how these people operate and all the tricks they use to manipulate.

Yes, he definitely manipulated me and I told him about that , that this won’t work with me

OP posts:
Moier · 26/11/2024 11:52

This is a scammer..
Cut him off.
Block him.

Silenus · 26/11/2024 11:55

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:51

Yes, he definitely manipulated me and I told him about that , that this won’t work with me

But it did work with you. You wasted two months talking to this man on another continent, apparently believing his claim to be in love, and expecting him to visit, as he said he would.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:56

DemonicCaveMaggot · 26/11/2024 11:43

His behaviour is remarkably similar to that experienced by a friend of a friend who six months in realized her paramour (who also lived abroad) was trying to scam her out of money.

Make sure you block him because I expect in a few days he'll be back to trying to reel you in.

Funny, but my friend also told me about this. He said “I’m done talking to you” and blocked me, I also blocked him and deleted our 2 months chat for both of us.

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:58

Silenus · 26/11/2024 11:55

But it did work with you. You wasted two months talking to this man on another continent, apparently believing his claim to be in love, and expecting him to visit, as he said he would.

Yes, I knew that he is narcissistic and he will not come but at the same time continued to talk to him. Probably I was bored 😐

OP posts:
Comedycook · 26/11/2024 11:59

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:44

No, why ?

Because talking online to a man in a different continent who you have never met and describing it as a relationship is really not usual behaviour. Moreover, were you not mightily suspicious when he said he loved you?

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:00

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/11/2024 11:47

No this is not normal. He hasn’t met you in person and is love-bombing you and then messing you about.
Save your times and energy for someone closer to home who you can meet in person.

Thank you !

OP posts:
pinotgrigeeeeo · 26/11/2024 12:00

No, it's the behaviour of a scammer.

Can you genuinely not see that?

You think this is a relationship?

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