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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this the behavior of an adult man?

173 replies

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:30

Hi there! We met on a dating site. We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call. At first he said that he would come in 2 months, but now he says in 4 months. The guy constantly wanted to talk to me via video, but I have work, I have other things to do, I can get sick, I’m a living person, but he continued to insist, although he saw that such pressure was stressing me out. Moreover, there was no trust in him, if he were really in love, he would have come to see me long ago. Relations began to get worse. Then he disappeared for 2 weeks, came back and said that he had a lot on his mind. I forgave him, but the relationship cooled. Trust is gone. He admitted that his ex showed up, but he just talked to her and gave her advice in a difficult situation, although she wants to get the relationship back but he said he doesn’t want her in his life, she cheated on him. One day he asked if I could talk via video today, I said that I could in an hour or tomorrow, he replied, “choose it yourself, im home”, later I texted that I was ready to talk, he said that he would be home in 15 minutes, he came and texted that he was ready to talk, after 5 minutes I called via video call, and he picked up the phone without a video call, just like a regular call and said that he had to get out, he was in the car, and said “sorry it didn’t work out today, let’s do it tomorrow.” I turned off the video, then texted “I thought you’re home” “next time be more specific in time”, he wrote “you are very difficult” I replied “yes, you can’t handle me, find someone easier” he replied that he's done talking to me and blocked me. Is this the behavior of an adult 43 year old man?

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:58

Sia8899 · 26/11/2024 12:33

Unfortunately I don't think there was any chance of him coming over to meet you.
On what platform did you meet him if he lives in the US?
There are several romance scam documentaries on Netflix that would be helpful to watch so you can be alert for red flags and the way people are manipulated. I think you might be a bit more vulnerable than you think if you believed this guy's love bombing and him telling you he loves you after two months of not meeting

On a Greek app I met him , he is Greek

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 12:58

Have you don't a reverse Google image search on his photo?
And are his first name and surname both what we would consider forenames? So like Michael Paul. Or James Peter.

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 12:59

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:58

On a Greek app I met him , he is Greek

And has he got a Greek name?

What does he say his job is?

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:59

Comedycook · 26/11/2024 12:25

And what makes you think this is true?

Checked out his social media… and his family

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:00

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:59

Checked out his social media… and his family

No. Your checks were meaningless because you checked the name he gave you.

Anonym00se · 26/11/2024 13:02

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:09

No, he lives in the US

All scammers “live in the US”. 🙄

TheDogBartholomew · 26/11/2024 13:03

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:09

No, he lives in the US

How do you know where he lives? The only information you have is the information he has given you.

Waterboatlass · 26/11/2024 13:05

Why is this preferable to getting out and dating in real life, whether OLD locally or meeting people through hobbies, socially etc? Does it feel easier and safer? It isn't really. This person could be anyone. Their profile could be fake. Why not block this and arrange a drink or coffee meet up in a public place with someone who lives nearby?

TheDogBartholomew · 26/11/2024 13:05

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:55

I checked his social, he lives in the US. And everything he told me about his family it’s true. And he even never asked about my job, my family, I don’t know why he brought me back so many times after I blocked him , what was the point? To Blocked me eventually?

You are probably one of a number of prospects he is working on. Scamming is a full time job for some people.

M340 · 26/11/2024 13:07

ForgottenPasswordNewAccount · 26/11/2024 11:36

this is a scam - he is going to start asking for money
Block and move on

This, or a visa.

You sound vulnerable OP if you really can't see this.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:14

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 12:58

Have you don't a reverse Google image search on his photo?
And are his first name and surname both what we would consider forenames? So like Michael Paul. Or James Peter.

Yes, I did, he didn’t lie about himself (age, name, family, home) and I saw him via video, we talked for 3 times but he got mad that I didn’t talk often via video

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:15

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:00

No. Your checks were meaningless because you checked the name he gave you.

I saw him via video

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:16

Waterboatlass · 26/11/2024 13:05

Why is this preferable to getting out and dating in real life, whether OLD locally or meeting people through hobbies, socially etc? Does it feel easier and safer? It isn't really. This person could be anyone. Their profile could be fake. Why not block this and arrange a drink or coffee meet up in a public place with someone who lives nearby?

It’s not that easy to catch my attention

OP posts:
Illegally18 · 26/11/2024 13:17

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 26/11/2024 11:33

only read up to here

“We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call.”

answer: No not the behaviour of a normal adult man

agree

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:18

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:15

I saw him via video

Videos can be manipulated.

These scammers are very sophisticated.

Look at some of the YouTube videos we've suggested.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/11/2024 13:20

OP just be thankful you have removed this man from your life and keep him gone.
These scams are very real, you can see a real person on video, they have fake social accounts, it is all set up to draw you in.
I would be quite naive to it as I am twice your age, but through watching some of the films about it, they are complex webs designed to draw people in and at some point remove money from them.
Even if he was who he says he is, there was a poster on here recently where the man controlled her life from the other side of the world. He checked where she was 24/7, he constantly monitored when she was online, she completely isolated herself.
Every time she broke it off he found a way of contacting her.

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:20

So a reverse Google image search of all his photos were actually the name he's given you.

Is it a Greek name?

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:22

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:18

Videos can be manipulated.

These scammers are very sophisticated.

Look at some of the YouTube videos we've suggested.

Now I know. Thank you.

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:24

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:20

So a reverse Google image search of all his photos were actually the name he's given you.

Is it a Greek name?

Yes, a Greek name. I think he wanted virtual sex.. but i refused to give him that .. so , I still can’t get it why he wanted talk to me

OP posts:
TheTruthICantSay · 26/11/2024 13:27

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:24

Yes, a Greek name. I think he wanted virtual sex.. but i refused to give him that .. so , I still can’t get it why he wanted talk to me

Because he thought that once you were in love with him, he'd get the virtual sex/pictures etc.

Because he's playing the long game and actually wants a visa, or money, or something else.

Because he's a sad sick individual who gets off on manipulating women?

Becuase he's got zero personality or charm in person so has to spread his net wider to find someone who will put up with him.

There are about 50000 reasons that he could be staying in touch and honestly, not a single one of them is a reason you should stay in touch with him.

I am actually quite concerned about you OP.

It’s not that easy to catch my attention
I don't believe this. If it was true, this man would never have got past your initial filters. OR, if it is true, it's because your preferences are completely out of kilter with what's reasonable or likely.

TyneAndWeary · 26/11/2024 13:34

No, his behaviour isn’t that of an adult man. However, yours isn’t that of a grown woman either.

BodyKeepingScore · 26/11/2024 13:35

You've fallen for a classic scam. One which many women before you have fallen victim to. This man does not love you, if indeed he is even who he says he is. You're being played. I'd be surprised if the requests for money don't come soon.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/11/2024 13:39

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:44

No, why ?

I'm not the poster who asked, but I got that impression too. At the least young and naive. Why would you match with someone in a different continent and expect it to work? I agree with everyone who said scam.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 13:40

TheTruthICantSay · 26/11/2024 13:27

Because he thought that once you were in love with him, he'd get the virtual sex/pictures etc.

Because he's playing the long game and actually wants a visa, or money, or something else.

Because he's a sad sick individual who gets off on manipulating women?

Becuase he's got zero personality or charm in person so has to spread his net wider to find someone who will put up with him.

There are about 50000 reasons that he could be staying in touch and honestly, not a single one of them is a reason you should stay in touch with him.

I am actually quite concerned about you OP.

It’s not that easy to catch my attention
I don't believe this. If it was true, this man would never have got past your initial filters. OR, if it is true, it's because your preferences are completely out of kilter with what's reasonable or likely.

He got my attention by saying that he loved and dreamed of his own children, and that he agreed to come see me without having sex with me, he said he ready for something really serious, he didn’t looking for sleeping around….

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/11/2024 13:42

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:09

No, he lives in the US

You are very naive. He SAYS he lives in the US.