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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this the behavior of an adult man?

173 replies

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 11:30

Hi there! We met on a dating site. We talked for 2 months, he said that he fell in love with me, compliments every day, that he was afraid of losing me, that I am the one whom he wanted all his life and he wants kids with me. We live on different continents, he said he wanted to come see me after he saw me on a video call. At first he said that he would come in 2 months, but now he says in 4 months. The guy constantly wanted to talk to me via video, but I have work, I have other things to do, I can get sick, I’m a living person, but he continued to insist, although he saw that such pressure was stressing me out. Moreover, there was no trust in him, if he were really in love, he would have come to see me long ago. Relations began to get worse. Then he disappeared for 2 weeks, came back and said that he had a lot on his mind. I forgave him, but the relationship cooled. Trust is gone. He admitted that his ex showed up, but he just talked to her and gave her advice in a difficult situation, although she wants to get the relationship back but he said he doesn’t want her in his life, she cheated on him. One day he asked if I could talk via video today, I said that I could in an hour or tomorrow, he replied, “choose it yourself, im home”, later I texted that I was ready to talk, he said that he would be home in 15 minutes, he came and texted that he was ready to talk, after 5 minutes I called via video call, and he picked up the phone without a video call, just like a regular call and said that he had to get out, he was in the car, and said “sorry it didn’t work out today, let’s do it tomorrow.” I turned off the video, then texted “I thought you’re home” “next time be more specific in time”, he wrote “you are very difficult” I replied “yes, you can’t handle me, find someone easier” he replied that he's done talking to me and blocked me. Is this the behavior of an adult 43 year old man?

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:17

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 26/11/2024 14:16

This whole thing is just weird. You say you are not vulnerable but you clearly are if you fall for stuff like this. It doesn't sound like you are ready for a relationship op

I’m not ready with such empty talker , yes

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 26/11/2024 14:21

The guy is very clearly a scammer, so close that door in your thoughts, and focus on how the hell you fell for this?!? It's absurd. Of course you don't love someone you've never met! Not remotely normal behaviour of an adult woman to believe this.

RosaMoline · 26/11/2024 14:21

….’and yes I’m beautiful’ (to quote the OP.
well, you’re certainly not lacking in self confidence are you? Despite that, you’ve got yourself into this ridiculous situation.
I actually think you’re on a wind-up to be perfectly honest.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:23

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 26/11/2024 14:17

It really is plain as day that this is almost certainly a scammer, who is doing the same thing to several women - but I still don't think you're accepting that, @Adri4?

You're not the first, and you won't be the last, but I think you do need to accept that at the very best, least likely, case this 'relationship' would go nowhere - but there's every chance this is not a relationship at all.

If you blocked him, how did he manage to contact you again? You need to make sure he can't.

I blocked him for several time , he contacted me by his mom phone and begging for apology, he said things like “we see the world the same and like each other” “let’s give it a try” “I’m not talking to anyone else” and so. I blocked him bc he hinted that he talked to other women by saying for instance “I don’t like talking to different women at the same time cause I have sensitive heart and I let you know what decision I made” and I blocked him telling him “I’m not just an option, go to hell”.

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:25

RosaMoline · 26/11/2024 14:21

….’and yes I’m beautiful’ (to quote the OP.
well, you’re certainly not lacking in self confidence are you? Despite that, you’ve got yourself into this ridiculous situation.
I actually think you’re on a wind-up to be perfectly honest.

Yes, the world is full of crap like this…

OP posts:
RosaMoline · 26/11/2024 14:26

Jesus, if this is for real (which I sincerely doubt) I’d expect a lonely older lady to fall for this bullshit, not a 27 y/o!

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:31

RosaMoline · 26/11/2024 14:26

Jesus, if this is for real (which I sincerely doubt) I’d expect a lonely older lady to fall for this bullshit, not a 27 y/o!

This is real :(

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:34
Warning Sign GIF

Romance/Finance scam.

Mischance · 26/11/2024 14:35

It is all bollocks - get out in the real world and meet some real people and do not waste another second of your life on this.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:37

RosaMoline · 26/11/2024 14:26

Jesus, if this is for real (which I sincerely doubt) I’d expect a lonely older lady to fall for this bullshit, not a 27 y/o!

And one more thing , he always said ‘I don’t understand why you’re talking to me, you can get any guy you want” or ‘are you sure you want to talk to me , I’m far and older’

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 26/11/2024 14:38

contacted me by his mom phone

More likely the bloke on the next desk in the scam centre phone.

Seriously OP you need to watch the Love Rats type shows and open your eyes because every update sounds more and more obvious but you still seem to think he’s real

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:39

TwistedWonder · 26/11/2024 14:38

contacted me by his mom phone

More likely the bloke on the next desk in the scam centre phone.

Seriously OP you need to watch the Love Rats type shows and open your eyes because every update sounds more and more obvious but you still seem to think he’s real

Edited

Is it documentary?

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:41

You sound incredibly naive, OP. More like a vulnerable 70 yr old who isn't internet savvy.

''He lives in USA so doesn't need a visa or marriage'' ......

Oh dear..Wake up, OP.

JTRSOP · 26/11/2024 14:43

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 12:59

Checked out his social media… and his family

You can fake those so easily.

You really need to be more streetwise.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:43

oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:41

You sound incredibly naive, OP. More like a vulnerable 70 yr old who isn't internet savvy.

''He lives in USA so doesn't need a visa or marriage'' ......

Oh dear..Wake up, OP.

70 yr old ))) yes , I deserve all this haha

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:45

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:39

Is it documentary?

Here: this might help.... Please, please please watch this....a woman so say living in states.

JTRSOP · 26/11/2024 14:45

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2024 13:18

Videos can be manipulated.

These scammers are very sophisticated.

Look at some of the YouTube videos we've suggested.

These video calls can easily be faked to, believe it or not. There was a good BBC series on it with Kim Marsh. You should watch it. In fact, I’d insist you do!

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:46

oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:45

Here: this might help.... Please, please please watch this....a woman so say living in states.

Thank you !!

OP posts:
Richiewoo · 26/11/2024 14:48

How old are you. You're not in a relationship or in love with somebody you don't know. Find a real life relationship.

oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:49

@Adri4 I'm not blaming you- people are sucked in, if they are 'innocent' 'trusting' no matter what their age.

It's so easy to scam people out of money.

Watch some of the videos people recommend - and you will have your eyes opened as to the sophistication of these scams.

It's probably a. scammer in Nigeria.{Or Russia}.

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:53

oakleaffy · 26/11/2024 14:49

@Adri4 I'm not blaming you- people are sucked in, if they are 'innocent' 'trusting' no matter what their age.

It's so easy to scam people out of money.

Watch some of the videos people recommend - and you will have your eyes opened as to the sophistication of these scams.

It's probably a. scammer in Nigeria.{Or Russia}.

Thank you for the advice. But believe me I did a good research about him, he didn’t lie about himself , I think he just had a looot of free time and he uses his time like this

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:54

Richiewoo · 26/11/2024 14:48

How old are you. You're not in a relationship or in love with somebody you don't know. Find a real life relationship.

I’m 27

OP posts:
Idontgiveashitanymore · 26/11/2024 14:55

I hope you’re reading back your own comments.
this person is a idiot and scammer . Get rid and do not respond the calls you .

Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:57

Idontgiveashitanymore · 26/11/2024 14:55

I hope you’re reading back your own comments.
this person is a idiot and scammer . Get rid and do not respond the calls you .

Yes, I will , thank you

OP posts:
Adri4 · 26/11/2024 14:59

JTRSOP · 26/11/2024 14:43

You can fake those so easily.

You really need to be more streetwise.

Ok, thank you

OP posts:
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