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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Baffled by sudden ghosting

176 replies

Forfucksake84 · 24/11/2024 08:38

I went on a second date last week with a guy I've been chatting to for 3 months. The last date was actually 3 months ago but I wasn't sure If I liked him after the first one. I kept meaning to meet up with him again but then things kept coming up on both our ends. He was 2 hours late turning up last week but other than that the date went well and I found I was surprisingly attracted to him this time. I invited him back for a cup of tea after a few drinks and we had a bit of a gropey kiss before we left and he asked when I was next free so I said this weekend. He's been chatting normally all this week. On Thursday he sent me a dick pic, saying I think you would have done a lot more than copped a feel if I'd stayed much longer. I replied saying that I was turned on but that I don't usually go all the way on a second date, and that as long as he didn't think I'd invited him back for that reason. He said absolutely not at all, he'd never assume that, but that he'd just got carried away. I texted him on Friday night saying 'it's OK I'll let you off lol. How was your day?' and he just hasn't replied or opened the message. No mention of the date we pencilled in or anything. He's been consistent with communication for the last 3 months! Any thoughts? I'm so baffled and so sick of this flakey confusing behaviour from men. It just makes my head spin

OP posts:
Semiramide · 25/11/2024 16:17

What @rebmacesrevda said.

As for most of these men being dads...... that does in no way mean that they are capable of truly committed relationships as equal partners. Read these boards and weep at some of the stories of reckless, hopeless partners/dads!

I really feel you would benefit from a few counselling sessions. You need to find yourself, nurture your self esteem and grow a rod of steel to protect yourself from these predators.

As a first step, read Women Who Love Too Much. You will find it enlightening.

BlastedPimples · 25/11/2024 17:58

@Forfucksake84 they don't worry about ending up alone because they won't end up alone.

There is always someone who will accept them and their poor behaviour.

AlexandrinaH · 25/11/2024 18:17

He’s probably in a relationship hence the months of chatting and sudden ghosting. She’s on to him.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 25/11/2024 18:19

Update: he's just texted me apologing and saying he spent Saturday in hospital as he fainted and had a fit. Lol

OP posts:
rebmacesrevda · 25/11/2024 18:20

Forfucksake84 · 25/11/2024 18:19

Update: he's just texted me apologing and saying he spent Saturday in hospital as he fainted and had a fit. Lol

Do you believe him? What’s you gut instinct?

crockofshite · 25/11/2024 18:35

Has he used the 'my granny had a haemorrhage ' excuse yet?

I actually was given this excuse once, by a builder (surprise surprise 😜) I'm not making this shit up.

We need a new thread for mad excuses given.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 25/11/2024 18:39

crockofshite · 25/11/2024 18:35

Has he used the 'my granny had a haemorrhage ' excuse yet?

I actually was given this excuse once, by a builder (surprise surprise 😜) I'm not making this shit up.

We need a new thread for mad excuses given.

No but a different guy once cancelled a date saying his nan had fallen over and hit her head

OP posts:
rebmacesrevda · 25/11/2024 18:40

To be fair, he might be telling the truth about the faint/ fit.

He’s still a twat though.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 25/11/2024 18:43

Well, I wouldn't appreciate any of that - the being late, the unsolicited photo or the messing around about the next date. Doesn't sound very hopeful if you want a respectful and straightforward relationship. Maybe OK for a fling.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 25/11/2024 18:45

Forfucksake84 · 25/11/2024 18:19

Update: he's just texted me apologing and saying he spent Saturday in hospital as he fainted and had a fit. Lol

Oh dear. That's it then.
My favourite excuse is 'I was visiting my cousin the weekend before we were due to meet, and my aunt had been showing signs of confusion, and I have been too worried about her to call you to cancel'.

DoYouReally · 25/11/2024 18:57

Forfucksake84 · 25/11/2024 18:19

Update: he's just texted me apologing and saying he spent Saturday in hospital as he fainted and had a fit. Lol

Why have you not blocked him already?

Stop indulging these idiots. There are plenty of decent men about.

Can you not give yourself a list of dating rules that mean you immediately get rid of the wrong sort. A lot of posters here will write it for you if you don't know where to begin.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 19/01/2025 17:46

Update on this thread: so this guy has continued chatting to me since my last update (his condition seemed to have been genuine) we only just got round to meeting again last night due to work commitments and illness on his side. I know I shouldn't have given him anymore chances but tbh I'd built up a bit of a rapport over 5 months of chatting and was nice to have someone to talk to. So he came round and we shared 2 bottles of wine and then slept together. We them chatted a bit more and he fell asleep on the sofa. I tried to wake him up to tell him I was going to bed if he wanted to come. He didn't wake up (don't know if he was pretending) so I went to bed and 20 mins later I heard him leaving. This was after at least a bottle of wine so i don't know how he drove home.I texted him this morning asking what time he left and he's not replied. I'm not sure I'd even want to see him again, but I'm upset that he's shagged me and can't even be bothered to send a courtesy message. Also leaves me wondering whether it's something I did or if I'm crap in bed, because he was texting me constantly before...🤨

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 19/01/2025 18:13

Oh OP literally everyone on here told you he was after sex and waving more red flags than President Putin on May Day so why on earth did you give him a chance? He was telling you loud and clear what he was after so I’m surprised you’re surprised.

He wanted a shag, he showed you loud and clear he wanted a shag and now’s he got a shag he won’t be interested again until he’s at a loose end.

Delete, block and take advice when it’s given

DoYouReally · 19/01/2025 18:31

I'll ask again - why haven't you blocked him?

You ignored several red flags and you ignored all the advice you were given?

Unless you tell us why you decided to do that, no one can help you.

BurntBroccoli · 19/01/2025 18:48

Forfucksake84 · 19/01/2025 17:46

Update on this thread: so this guy has continued chatting to me since my last update (his condition seemed to have been genuine) we only just got round to meeting again last night due to work commitments and illness on his side. I know I shouldn't have given him anymore chances but tbh I'd built up a bit of a rapport over 5 months of chatting and was nice to have someone to talk to. So he came round and we shared 2 bottles of wine and then slept together. We them chatted a bit more and he fell asleep on the sofa. I tried to wake him up to tell him I was going to bed if he wanted to come. He didn't wake up (don't know if he was pretending) so I went to bed and 20 mins later I heard him leaving. This was after at least a bottle of wine so i don't know how he drove home.I texted him this morning asking what time he left and he's not replied. I'm not sure I'd even want to see him again, but I'm upset that he's shagged me and can't even be bothered to send a courtesy message. Also leaves me wondering whether it's something I did or if I'm crap in bed, because he was texting me constantly before...🤨

Urgh!!
Please dump and block him forever.

Bumcake · 19/01/2025 21:00

Well well, who could have foretold that?

Bumcake · 19/01/2025 21:02

You already knew he was a drink-driver by the way, so don’t play surprised on how he got home. Disgusting.

lifemovesonward · 19/01/2025 21:09

OP, you really need to stay single and work on your self esteem. he was 2 hours late for date 1 and you waited. You gave him a second chance he shouldn't have had on date 2 and he sent you an unsolicited dick pic. That is grim. Why oh why did you go for date 3 and sleep with him??

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/01/2025 22:12

Lol, hardly surprising really

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 19/01/2025 22:20

This has happened before though with the last guy I dated. It's so hard not to take it personally

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/01/2025 22:29

Come on op, have some self respect and stop letting scumbag, drink driving men treat you like shit. Spend time with friends and lay off the men

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 19/01/2025 22:35

He must have been swerving all over the place. He's a courier as well which makes it even worse

OP posts:
ThickAsAPlank · 19/01/2025 22:37

He sounds like a dream. Have you started looking at wedding venues yet, op?

GrandmotherStillLearning · 19/01/2025 22:39

Forfucksake84 · 24/11/2024 08:38

I went on a second date last week with a guy I've been chatting to for 3 months. The last date was actually 3 months ago but I wasn't sure If I liked him after the first one. I kept meaning to meet up with him again but then things kept coming up on both our ends. He was 2 hours late turning up last week but other than that the date went well and I found I was surprisingly attracted to him this time. I invited him back for a cup of tea after a few drinks and we had a bit of a gropey kiss before we left and he asked when I was next free so I said this weekend. He's been chatting normally all this week. On Thursday he sent me a dick pic, saying I think you would have done a lot more than copped a feel if I'd stayed much longer. I replied saying that I was turned on but that I don't usually go all the way on a second date, and that as long as he didn't think I'd invited him back for that reason. He said absolutely not at all, he'd never assume that, but that he'd just got carried away. I texted him on Friday night saying 'it's OK I'll let you off lol. How was your day?' and he just hasn't replied or opened the message. No mention of the date we pencilled in or anything. He's been consistent with communication for the last 3 months! Any thoughts? I'm so baffled and so sick of this flakey confusing behaviour from men. It just makes my head spin

Are you vulnerable by any chance? Do have any good moral friends who you could confide in or a mum or sister who are kind and have your best interests at heart.

Report him and the photo and then block.

Talk to someone you trust so this doesn't happen again.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/01/2025 22:39

Forfucksake84 · 19/01/2025 22:35

He must have been swerving all over the place. He's a courier as well which makes it even worse

Yet you knew this and still had another date