Baffled by sudden ghosting

[Forfucksake84]

I went on a second date last week with a guy I've been chatting to for 3 months. The last date was actually 3 months ago but I wasn't sure If I liked him after the first one. I kept meaning to meet up with him again but then things kept coming up on both our ends. He was 2 hours late turning up last week but other than that the date went well and I found I was surprisingly attracted to him this time. I invited him back for a cup of tea after a few drinks and we had a bit of a gropey kiss before we left and he asked when I was next free so I said this weekend. He's been chatting normally all this week. On Thursday he sent me a dick pic, saying I think you would have done a lot more than copped a feel if I'd stayed much longer. I replied saying that I was turned on but that I don't usually go all the way on a second date, and that as long as he didn't think I'd invited him back for that reason. He said absolutely not at all, he'd never assume that, but that he'd just got carried away. I texted him on Friday night saying 'it's OK I'll let you off lol. How was your day?' and he just hasn't replied or opened the message. No mention of the date we pencilled in or anything. He's been consistent with communication for the last 3 months! Any thoughts? I'm so baffled and so sick of this flakey confusing behaviour from men. It just makes my head spin

I only brought him back because he'd had 3 beers and was over the limit to drive so I was trying to help him sober up with a cuppa

If he is sending a picture of his dick to you after 2 dates, then he is sending it to any women he thinks he has a chance with. He is just playing the field, a man who was serious about you would be sending you messages about how much he liked you. Bin this one!

Unfortunately being kind like that can get us into dangerous situations.

Men who are 2 hours late are being contemptuously disrespectful. It's not only 'I want to make it clear you aren't a priority', it's also 'I want to make it clear I'm disrespecing you' on top of that.

Men who are contemptuous of women are potentially dangerous.

Be nice to yourself. Think of your own saftey before mens.

That’s even weirder! He wanted to show you his floppy cock?! 😂
I don’t understand it but it’s given me a laugh anyway.

The dick pic is a red flag for me, sounds as if he just wants sex and I would never talk about how badly an ex treated you, some men hear this and think it’s then easy to treat you badly. Refrain from speaking about exes altogether.

Raise your standards.

OP, he wasn't running late, he was reducing the time he had to invest hanging out before you turned to the sex stuff.

This happens to women all over the country every day, it's nothing wrong with you or any one of us. Being treated with respect is a basic expectation, not something some of us deserve and others don't.

This one was always going to end in a ghosting either pre or post shag because that is what he is about. You could have been the Queen of Sheba and it would have been irrelevant, because he wanted to get laid. I'm sure by holding back you at least don't feel even shittier that he got his way.

The difficulty is that the good ones and the crap ones all dress the same, it's only when they start revealing themselves (turning up late like that, dick pics, "oh I couldn't help myself" etc) that you know and that's when you run. With the good ones, it all feels easy. The minute you find yourself trying to analyse what's happening that's when you know it's not going to happen and it's time to throw that one back.

And finally, please stop using language like frigid and prude, you do yourself and us all a disservice by using this language which is devised to shame us into bed. There is no right or wrong when it comes to choosing to have sex or not (assuming you're both consenting and not hurting anyone). Sleep with every man you meet or remain celibate for life, anyone who shames you for either can do one.

This is a red flag. He knew he was driving but he had a few drinks anyway. If it wasn’t for your kindness he’d have driven home under the influence. He could kill someone and he doesn’t care. He’s literally a danger to society.

Or it was designed so he'd have to go back to her house. Nice trick, Mr.

And finally, please stop using language like frigid and prude, you do yourself and us all a disservice by using this language which is devised to shame us into bed. There is no right or wrong when it comes to choosing to have sex or not (assuming you're both consenting and not hurting anyone). Sleep with every man you meet or remain celibate for life, anyone who shames you for either can do one.

This x a million.

He didn't have to drink three beers either did he? He definitely expected to weeks his way into a shag - thank god you didn't fall for it

*weedle

Indeed. Manipulative behaviour.

He sounds like an arsehole. You need thick skin when online dating , it was brutal when I was on it 7 years ago. For me a dick pic was always a sign that I was wasting my time. So I usually would reply "ewww 🤣🤣🤣" and then swiftly blocked. It's the only way

It gets worse with each update.

I wouldn't have waited for someone for 2 hours. Not even my current partner and we've been together 15 years.

It sounds like he's not that into it, overall.

Do you think a dick pic is ever acceptable? Even if you're together or have been intimate?

Could he be married or attached because 3 months of yapping seems a long time before meeting.

I don't know why but the thought of him getting his floppy cock out after saying he was too excited is making me laugh so much 🤣 I'm guessing he sent the dic pic of an enormous cock to show you what it should've looked like 😆 but seriously, did he end up driving home after being over the limit? He gets worse with every update! You can do better

This. Even without the dick pic (which is an instant no) the message is awful.

If you ask for one then it’s ok but unsolicited is illegal so that’s a no

Unsolicited, yes. Awful.

Unsolicited? Unacceptable. I wouldn’t want that landing with no warning, even if I’d seen it IRL. They’re not the sexiest to look at, even- as Red Dwarf put it, “the last chicken in the shop look” 😬

I think if you haven’t requested it, it’s pushy at best. At worst it’s flashing, which is sexually abusive behaviour.

Me too 😂
I think he sent the dick pic to prove that’s it’s not permanently floppy!
Sounds like his big knob is all he’s got going for him, and it’s not even hard when it wants it to be. Poor guy 😭

Seriously, OP, please don’t waste another second thinking about this dickhead. You want a connection with a normal human, and he wants someone to worship his knob as much as he does. Just no!

Can you begin to ask yourself what is acceptable to you?

Or, think of it this way. Would you ever send explicit photos of yourself to someone if you weren’t 100% certain this would be at least ‘acceptable’ to them? Would you risk sending this sort of thing randomly to someone who might receive it while having tea with their gran in a care home and really not be in the mood? You probably wouldn’t, because you would be thinking about the other person as a full human being with an existence outside of your own immediate horniness or need for validation. Someone who randomly sends dick pics is not thinking about the other person with any consideration at all.

You really need to figure out why your standards are so low and why your gut isn't screaming at you that this guy is no good?

He is zero redeeming features.

Why is any of his behaviour acceptable you to?

You have to improve your self esteem and set some proper boundaries before you try dating again. If you don't,you will just end up with the sane kind of losers.