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Original poster

Sister in law asks to have my baby overnight

175 replies

Pearlrosepeach · 21/11/2024 17:57

Hi, I'm early 20s, have a 9 month old baby

Ex partner (babys father) and I haven't been together since baby was about 4 months old

Co parenting was hell at first. We had friends and family doing the hand overs etc. Fast forward a few months we are in a much better place and get on great as co parents! I couldn't ask for it to be any better.

My sons father has only ever had him over night once. He doesn't do over nights due to working early hours. But he has his own days and times where he sees baby and it all works out best for us, we are happy this way.

Anyway my sons fathers sister has messaged me 2 days ago (I still haven't replied) asking if she can have my son over night one night, which I'm not really comfortable with anyone having over night at the moment with my son. He's in a lovely routine at the moment, dinner. Bath bed etc.

But not just that, my sons father and his sister do not get along themselves so in the message she said "we will keep it a secret" meaning let's not tell my sons father.

To be honest I'm not happy about this either, as she witnessed out co parenting at the begining when it was hell, and for her now to see that we are finally getting on great for our son. To then ask me to lie to his father! No I'm not happy about about this

What do u guys think.. also if you have or had a baby at one point when did you let them do over nights, just for the sake of it.. I mean it's not even like I've got plans myself that I'd need a baby sitter.. it's very random, why not take my son out to a park or somthing why do u need an over night

OP posts:
BibbityBobbityToo · 21/11/2024 17:59

Trust your instinct and say no, baby isn't a toy to be played with.

SIL can get a kitten or puppy.

RosieFlamingo · 21/11/2024 18:00

There is not a chance I would risk the co parenting relationship for a 'secret' with his sister.
If you're not comfortable say no.

SilenceInside · 21/11/2024 18:00

It's not in the baby's interests to have an overnight for the first time with a relative that he doesn't really know in a place he doesn't know. That's all there is to it really.

Circlingthesun · 21/11/2024 18:00

If you're not comfortable then say no to the overnights and no to keeping it a secret.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 21/11/2024 18:01

That would be a hard no from me. I appreciate it's difficult but ultimately if she wants to foster a connection with her nephew, she needs to mend fences with her brother first. You don't owe her anything.

Quicklyquicklyslowly · 21/11/2024 18:02

No I definitely wouldn't be happy with this.
It seems a very strange request, and saying it would be a secret is frankly worrying.
How much time has she actually spent with your child?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 21/11/2024 18:02

Your baby is not a dolly. Say no.

romdowa · 21/11/2024 18:02

Pass the message along to babies father and let him deal with it.

ByHardyRubyEagle · 21/11/2024 18:02

What is the obsession with overnights? And it’s odd that your baby’s aunt is requesting it honestly. Wouldn’t it be much easier if you did a visit to hers with baby in the daytime?? There’s no way in fresh hell I would release my baby for an overnight stay elsewhere at that age.

WomenInConstruction · 21/11/2024 18:02

Absolutely not.

No to secret anything.

Sleep overs are for older kids, and for babies they should be with people who have a strong close relationship with and even then only if mum is comfortable with it and wants it herself... And not being comfortable with it can be for any reason and it's not up for debate.

MrsKwazi · 21/11/2024 18:04

Sorry but non-verbal children do not go on sleepover unless you really know and trust the people they’re with, so that will be the first no.

Baby is too young - no

Keeping secrets from baby’s father - hard no.

Moveoverdarlin · 21/11/2024 18:04

Hiya, me and Chris are in a really good place at the moment and co-parenting is going well. So I really don’t want to keep secrets from him and do anything that could upset the apple cart. Little Jack is also in quite a good sleeping routine and has never stayed away from me, so I’m not keen on him staying with anyone else whilst he’s so young and messing up the routine. Sure you’ll understand, hope everything is well your end. Jack is looking forward to seeing his Aunty at Christmas.

WomenInConstruction · 21/11/2024 18:04

And, it's a weird weird request.

If baby could speak, would baby ask for this... 'No' is the answer to that one, and that's all the answer you need.

RisingSunn · 21/11/2024 18:04

Absolutely not.

To be honest it sounds quite strange.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 21/11/2024 18:05

Oh hell no.

Why does she want to care for a baby that isn't her own overnight? Weirdo.

Not until the baby is walking, talking, and capable of telling you whether they want to go for an overnight stay with their aunt and also of telling you any 'secrets' she wants them to keep.

ARichtGoodDram · 21/11/2024 18:07

I'm very much of the "it takes a village" and my kids often have sleepovers with family, but that's very odd.

I'd be drawing a very sharp and direct line with her over the secrets. That to me sounds like she's trying to use you, and your baby, against her brother and that's a massive no.

I'd be making clear that both of you have decided your baby is too young for sleepovers and that any future sleepovers will be a joint parenting decision. No secrets will be getting kept from his Dad, just as you don't expect any to be kept from you.

Deadbeatex · 21/11/2024 18:21

Nope and tell your ex about the message. Good communication is key to co parenting so don't be keeping secrets like these from him. He may not be the resident parent but he is an involved parent and he deserves having his opinion heard on who is caring for your joint child

wildfellhall · 21/11/2024 18:24

Clearly it's an absolute no.

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/11/2024 18:25

Nope. I’m fine with sleepovers, mine had them from 6 weeks old but with grandparents they saw regularly and not behind their fathers backs.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 21/11/2024 18:27

Just no. Very simple.

HooMoo · 21/11/2024 18:28

No way! We have a ten month old and not left her overnight with anyone but us. She still wakes up and feeds sometimes.

pilates · 21/11/2024 18:28

No don’t lie to ex that would be wrong especially as you are in a good place with him atm. As for SIL, she sounds a troublemaker and it would be a big fat no.

Floranan · 21/11/2024 18:32

No, he’s a baby not a doll,

I should think she has ideas of a sweet baby to play with, cuddle to sleep, 8 hours sleep then a lovely morning.

in reality, he will probably spend the night crying for his mum.

as for going behind his fathers back !

no it’s all a definite no, just tell her you’re not happy with the idea,

Opentooffers · 21/11/2024 18:37

Definitely mention to your ex that she has asked, say you think it's an odd request, and that you have told her no thanks.
How old is she? Does she have experience of looking after babies? Would she be safe? Offering to babysit if required is one thing, requesting to have someone's baby, is overstepping ( she must be a tad odd to not have seen this, so even less reason to trust her and her motives). How well do you know her?

Meadowfinch · 21/11/2024 18:37

Absolutely not.

Your little one is not a toy to be passed around. Young babies need their mum, and to develop a close bond with a second carer, usually their dad.

If sil wants to play mummy, tell her to get a cat.