Sister in law asks to have my baby overnight

[Pearlrosepeach]

Hi, I'm early 20s, have a 9 month old baby

Ex partner (babys father) and I haven't been together since baby was about 4 months old

Co parenting was hell at first. We had friends and family doing the hand overs etc. Fast forward a few months we are in a much better place and get on great as co parents! I couldn't ask for it to be any better.

My sons father has only ever had him over night once. He doesn't do over nights due to working early hours. But he has his own days and times where he sees baby and it all works out best for us, we are happy this way.

Anyway my sons fathers sister has messaged me 2 days ago (I still haven't replied) asking if she can have my son over night one night, which I'm not really comfortable with anyone having over night at the moment with my son. He's in a lovely routine at the moment, dinner. Bath bed etc.

But not just that, my sons father and his sister do not get along themselves so in the message she said "we will keep it a secret" meaning let's not tell my sons father.

To be honest I'm not happy about this either, as she witnessed out co parenting at the begining when it was hell, and for her now to see that we are finally getting on great for our son. To then ask me to lie to his father! No I'm not happy about about this

What do u guys think.. also if you have or had a baby at one point when did you let them do over nights, just for the sake of it.. I mean it's not even like I've got plans myself that I'd need a baby sitter.. it's very random, why not take my son out to a park or somthing why do u need an over night

Just say no and not to ask again, you don't need to make excuses or explain yourself. I always find it weird when someone, no matter who they are, wants someone else's child overnight and without parental supervision. Tell baby's dad she wanted an overnight, you've said no and he is to do the same. The wanting it all a big secret just has a bit of a sinister vibe to it.

This sounds like point scoring on her part. It's probably more about her doing something behind her db's back.
Another saying no way and certainly no to keeping it from him. I would def tell him she has suggested this so he is aware. Then she can't come back and say that she had baby over night, when she hasn't.
She's trying to stir the pot between you and ex because she doesn't get on with him.

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

You are putting your baby at risk.

She could harm your baby.
Even by accident.
How do know she won't have anyone else there who yiu don't know.
I have read too many news articles about perverts etc to even consider this ever.

Also tell your brother.
She can go do one.

Just say no.

Your baby is very young and is already splitting his time between two parents (which is fine), but that means he should not spend any more time away from you than he already does.

It would be nice for the baby to have some relationship with his aunt, but I would tell her she is welcome to visit the baby at your home and play with him/read to him for a while there or take him for a walk out. No need to keep that secret from the father either - you are allowed to spend time with whoever you want.

If you're not comfortable than saying no. It's your child.
Plan something in the day together instead to appease her.

Absolutely not. Your child is not someone to be passed around on request. That's very underhanded of her as well, to go behind her brother's back, expecting you to keep it a secret from him. You can only imagine the problems that would cause.

You don't have to give herareason....No is a full sentence.

The only appropriate answer for many reasons is no.

I would say that your priority is to keep your baby in a settled routine and support their dad as a co-parent. As kind as her suggestion is, it wouldn't further those child centered goals and it would be better for her to arrange access to baby through her brother going forward so everyone is on the same page.

She is 29 and has a child of her own, who is 7 years old

When baby was first born and her and her brother were getting along. She was always popping in to see the baby. Then it all slowly died down. So I find the text asking tk have baby over night very random and odd

No way.

This.

Just tell her no. Thanks for the offer but he's far too young for sleepovers.

Great message from @Moveoverdarlin

Just tell her she is welcome to come round to see him but you don’t want him away overnight . I’d also point out that you will not be keeping secrets from her brother as that could end up back firing on you massively and cause issues between you and him .

Absolutely no way would I let anyone other than close family have a 9 month old overnight, and even then I wouldn't have unless unavoidable. Plus I wouldn't keep a secret from the baby's Dad.
Your baby is not a toy doll so just say no-don't apologise or explain, just say 'no that's not going to happen'

Nope I'd tell her to sling her hook.

Who does she think she is?!

No. As someone said above, your baby is not a doll, and to say that it’ll be a secret, that’s a definite red flag.

No! He is not an item to be handed around the family. He needs to be with his mum for security and safety.

Is she wanting to be a good aunty? Is she a decent reliable person who would be a good aunty?

If so I would perhaps find a way for her to spend time with your baby and get to know him , in the knowledge of the father.

But for now I would say baby not used to being away at night but you would like your baby to get to know her, but would feel concerned about keeping it from her brother due to the potential for secrets causing issues.

Puppies and kittens are not playthings or toys, respect them as animals

Why on earth would you want to have someone else’s 9m old overnight? It’s just plain odd.

No, this raises so many red flags for me. No sane person requests a baby overnight. What the fuck for? A sleepless night? Deafening screams when they realise you are not mum? Woken up at 3,4 and 5am? Why would she not ask how you are and whether you all could meet up for a walk or something? SAY NO

Your poor baby would be horribly upset and confused to suddenly be spending the night with a relative stranger. I wouldn't like it and I'm 60 not 9 months old.