Sister in law asks to have my baby overnight

[Pearlrosepeach]

Hi, I'm early 20s, have a 9 month old baby

Ex partner (babys father) and I haven't been together since baby was about 4 months old

Co parenting was hell at first. We had friends and family doing the hand overs etc. Fast forward a few months we are in a much better place and get on great as co parents! I couldn't ask for it to be any better.

My sons father has only ever had him over night once. He doesn't do over nights due to working early hours. But he has his own days and times where he sees baby and it all works out best for us, we are happy this way.

Anyway my sons fathers sister has messaged me 2 days ago (I still haven't replied) asking if she can have my son over night one night, which I'm not really comfortable with anyone having over night at the moment with my son. He's in a lovely routine at the moment, dinner. Bath bed etc.

But not just that, my sons father and his sister do not get along themselves so in the message she said "we will keep it a secret" meaning let's not tell my sons father.

To be honest I'm not happy about this either, as she witnessed out co parenting at the begining when it was hell, and for her now to see that we are finally getting on great for our son. To then ask me to lie to his father! No I'm not happy about about this

What do u guys think.. also if you have or had a baby at one point when did you let them do over nights, just for the sake of it.. I mean it's not even like I've got plans myself that I'd need a baby sitter.. it's very random, why not take my son out to a park or somthing why do u need an over night

I am sorry but that sounds like an odd request to me to be honest.
DS is 9 months old, and if she is not a regular in his day to day life then he will be shaken by having all of a sudden to sleep over at someones house.

If she is not a regular fixture in DS life then just say this will not be possible.
Sounds very juvenile to ask this and clearly not thinking what your DS best interest is at present.

You can easily say no, its your child, your rules. But that is just me.

Absolutely not. And I would tell the father.

"Hi Ex's Sister,
Thank you for your kind offer to have Baby overnight but I'm going to have to decline. Thanks again. All the best @Pearlrosepeach "

Or something like that. If you don't want anyone else to have your baby overnight, you don't have to let anyone have your baby overnight. It's really that simple and straightforward.

Anyone who mentions care of a child and "keeping it a secret" in the same breath clearly knows dangerously little about safeguarding, welfare and basic good values. Not that I'd be for this idea regardless, but "we'll keep it a secret" is the grissly nail in the coffin.

And yes, I agree with PPs, tell his father. Secrets have no business in relationships around care of a child.

"Hello, thanks so much for the offer to have my baby over night. He's a bit too young and I don't feel comfortable keeping this from ex. If you want to come meet us in the park / pool / whatever for a play it would be great to meet up. Lots of love xxx"

"Name" wont be going on any sleepovers until they are old enough to ask for one themselves! Please don't ask again. Thanks.

Dodgy. Weird. Just no.

No, just no.

Also absolutely tell your ex. It’s like she’s playing some weird game and using your child as a tool to get one up on her brother. So odd!

Something really off with this.
I would say definitely NO and never let her have your baby on her own, day or night.
Keeping it a secret? No no no 🚩

Thankyou everyone for your answers, I've read every single one of them, and every single one of them thought her message was strange. I still have not replied to her message, I will in the morning.

It will be a no to over nights, with someone he doesn't even know that well.

Absolutely not

What a ridiculous thing to request and completely against the baby's best interests

He’s too young for a sleepover and your ex should know. Can you suggest she comes over instead? Just say he isn’t ready for sleepovers yet

I will suggest she comes and visits the baby yes.

I might not of even minded if she took the baby our for an hour or so, but to randomly ask for an over night when I haven't seen her for months myself is ridiculous!

No! Not until the baby is much older! Primary school age. (And not then if your DS doesn't want to.) Stand your ground and don't let them bully you!

This is really bizarre behaviour on her part. I wouldn’t reply to her at all. I’d tell your ex what she’s asked and let him deal with her quite frankly.

I wouldn't even bother replying. Tell baby's dad and let him deal with it.

That is a weird thing for her to ask. The answer would be "No, SIL - a 9 month old baby doesn't go on sleepovers."

And I would tell your baby's father too, just as you would want him to let you know if your sibling was being so odd.

That would be a straight and easy no from me. Especially as she doesn't get on with her own brother. The child is also not a toy to just be passed around to anyone at any time when they ask

It's not wise to keep secrets from the child's father when it concerns the child.

If she wants a relationship with her nephew it should to be above aboard and not secretive.

I'm glad you're saying no OP.

If I were you I'd also make it absolutely clear that you will not be keeping secrets from her brother. If they make up and she tells him that you agreed then those messages could come out in court at some point down the line.

Word any reply very clearly and carefully and in a way that you'd be ok with your own x and a judge hearing.

Exactly! And which normal person would make such a request?

I will be making it very clear, so this question isn't asked again x

Definitely no, for all the reasons that you have said yourself and because you don’t know who else will be there overnight with SiL, what if there is a boyfriend that you don’t know about and you don’t know his intentions.

Just no. It is not in the best interests of your son. Either he is being treated as a doll or something more sinister is going on.

I was unpopular for not allowing DD to have a sleepover with someone she barely knew. Fast forward a couple of years and a man who almost certainly would have been present was jailed for sex offences.