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Original poster

Sister in law asks to have my baby overnight

175 replies

Pearlrosepeach · 21/11/2024 17:57

Hi, I'm early 20s, have a 9 month old baby

Ex partner (babys father) and I haven't been together since baby was about 4 months old

Co parenting was hell at first. We had friends and family doing the hand overs etc. Fast forward a few months we are in a much better place and get on great as co parents! I couldn't ask for it to be any better.

My sons father has only ever had him over night once. He doesn't do over nights due to working early hours. But he has his own days and times where he sees baby and it all works out best for us, we are happy this way.

Anyway my sons fathers sister has messaged me 2 days ago (I still haven't replied) asking if she can have my son over night one night, which I'm not really comfortable with anyone having over night at the moment with my son. He's in a lovely routine at the moment, dinner. Bath bed etc.

But not just that, my sons father and his sister do not get along themselves so in the message she said "we will keep it a secret" meaning let's not tell my sons father.

To be honest I'm not happy about this either, as she witnessed out co parenting at the begining when it was hell, and for her now to see that we are finally getting on great for our son. To then ask me to lie to his father! No I'm not happy about about this

What do u guys think.. also if you have or had a baby at one point when did you let them do over nights, just for the sake of it.. I mean it's not even like I've got plans myself that I'd need a baby sitter.. it's very random, why not take my son out to a park or somthing why do u need an over night

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 22/11/2024 14:29

Nope, she'd be using that overnight against you and her brother.

MogTheSillyCat · 22/11/2024 14:32

WomenInConstruction · 21/11/2024 18:02

Absolutely not.

No to secret anything.

Sleep overs are for older kids, and for babies they should be with people who have a strong close relationship with and even then only if mum is comfortable with it and wants it herself... And not being comfortable with it can be for any reason and it's not up for debate.

Spot on.

Chillilounger · 22/11/2024 14:35

Definitely not. If she wants more contact sh can start with short regular visits and work her way up to afternoons out and then maybe if there's a strong bond in a few years.....

Original poster
Pearlrosepeach · 22/11/2024 14:35

RedVanYellowVan · 22/11/2024 14:27

Just no. It is not in the best interests of your son. Either he is being treated as a doll or something more sinister is going on.

I was unpopular for not allowing DD to have a sleepover with someone she barely knew. Fast forward a couple of years and a man who almost certainly would have been present was jailed for sex offences.

You trusted your gut!!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 22/11/2024 15:45

Have you replied to her yet @Pearlrosepeach ?

zazazoop · 22/11/2024 22:45

Absolutely not, trust your gut. I wouldn't, what an odd request.

FictionalCharacter · 22/11/2024 22:59

She’s being completely ridiculous.Your baby isn’t a doll for her to play with.

mathanxiety · 22/11/2024 23:10

Tell her no.

It's a full sentence.

She may threaten you with going to court, depending on how unhinged she is. She will be laughed at.

IAm16StoneHalloween2024 · 23/11/2024 00:14

Pearlrosepeach · 21/11/2024 22:42

I will suggest she comes and visits the baby yes.

I might not of even minded if she took the baby our for an hour or so, but to randomly ask for an over night when I haven't seen her for months myself is ridiculous!

Show quote history

Even taking him out for an hour or so - why? Don’t offer that, she doesn’t need to take him anywhere.

Just deal with your ex and keep a good working relationship with him. That’s all you need to do.

Geppili · 23/11/2024 00:37

No fucking way.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 23/11/2024 02:20

"Sorry, no. And just so you know, I wouldn't keep it a secret from ex. "

Compash · 23/11/2024 11:51

If someone asks you to keep a secret, it's a sign they're up to something they shouldn't be...

Don't give her something to hold over you. What if she wants more access to him in future, and if you say No, she says 'Well then, I'll tell your ex you kept this secret'?

And as someone notes above, don't do anything you wouldn't want read out in court.

I know it may feel uncomfortable to refuse her, but you will feel so much better for sticking to your own honourable standards!

Original poster
Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 20:17

So I replied to her and basically said "I have no travel cot so it wouldn't be safe"

And her reply was how she will lend her friends travel cot 🙄

I really wish I had the balls to just say NO you will not be having her over night

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 28/11/2024 20:28

Op it’s your baby. Reply back and say sorry, it felt awkward but what I actually mean is at 9 months old baby doesn’t need any nights away from me except perhaps with her dad, and I miss her then. She’s too young for sleepovers, she won’t understand why I’m not there.

Original poster
Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 20:39

Codlingmoths · 28/11/2024 20:28

Op it’s your baby. Reply back and say sorry, it felt awkward but what I actually mean is at 9 months old baby doesn’t need any nights away from me except perhaps with her dad, and I miss her then. She’s too young for sleepovers, she won’t understand why I’m not there.

She's the type to just not take no as an answer, there will always be a reason why the baby SHOULD sleep over at her house

It's so annoying. I've not even replied

It's my baby and I feel uncomfortable and awkward

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 28/11/2024 20:42

A definite no.

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 28/11/2024 20:46

I’m surprised that as a mother herself she would even think this is reasonable.
you may not be keen to be the bad guy or say no, but the fact is as the mother you are responsible for protecting your child and putting their best interests first. This is not you being mean, this is doing your job.

Reply back, “sorry I wasn’t clear in my earlier message. Little Jack is far too young for sleepovers with anyone other than his dad and would likely be upset to be somewhere unfamiliar without a parent. He will not be having a sleepover with you. You are welcome to pop round on xx day to visit”

WaitingforStrike · 28/11/2024 20:46

Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 20:39

She's the type to just not take no as an answer, there will always be a reason why the baby SHOULD sleep over at her house

It's so annoying. I've not even replied

It's my baby and I feel uncomfortable and awkward

Show quote history

Speak up for your baby. What can she do when you say no, kidnap her?

Original poster
Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 20:49

WaitingforStrike · 28/11/2024 20:46

Speak up for your baby. What can she do when you say no, kidnap her?

Show quote history

It won't be happening that's for sure! I won't be bullied into it

It's just the constant always having a solution.. maybe that's my fault tho for trying my best to word it nicely and not saying it how it is and being blunt

OP posts:
Cosmosforbreakfast · 28/11/2024 21:14

Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 20:39

She's the type to just not take no as an answer, there will always be a reason why the baby SHOULD sleep over at her house

It's so annoying. I've not even replied

It's my baby and I feel uncomfortable and awkward

Show quote history

OP stop being a wuss about this. If you don't make excuses, she can't come up with solutions. The only way she won't take no for an answer is if you let her. Text her and tell her 'I have decided baby will not be doing overnights, at any time, with anyone, I will not be discussing the matter any further'. Then don't engage any more with her about it. Ignore any further requests, block her if you have to.

TBH I find her behaviour very sinister, anyone who demands someone else's baby like that is up to no good. You have a good 18 years ahead of you where you will need to be able to stand up for, defend and protect your child in all sorts of situations. Start off on the right foot now. Say no and make it clear you mean it.

Original poster
Pearlrosepeach · 28/11/2024 21:25

Cosmosforbreakfast · 28/11/2024 21:14

OP stop being a wuss about this. If you don't make excuses, she can't come up with solutions. The only way she won't take no for an answer is if you let her. Text her and tell her 'I have decided baby will not be doing overnights, at any time, with anyone, I will not be discussing the matter any further'. Then don't engage any more with her about it. Ignore any further requests, block her if you have to.

TBH I find her behaviour very sinister, anyone who demands someone else's baby like that is up to no good. You have a good 18 years ahead of you where you will need to be able to stand up for, defend and protect your child in all sorts of situations. Start off on the right foot now. Say no and make it clear you mean it.

Show quote history

You're right, appreciate this comment

OP posts:
WomenInConstruction · 28/11/2024 21:27

Spot on advice from @Cosmosforbreakfast
She can't argue with 'nope, won't be happening'.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 28/11/2024 22:22

Just say no. Fine if she wants to gradually form a relationship with DC but overnight if too big at this stage.

healthybychristmas · 28/11/2024 22:26

What a cheeky woman.

Why on earth would your baby want to go and spend the night with her!

I found that having a baby maybe much stronger because I acted for her when I couldn't act for myself. I would just say that my baby didn't even know her and would absolutely hate to be apart from me.

Dmsandfloatydress · 28/11/2024 22:31

I'm a weirdo but my kid has never slept over anyone's house without me and he's 7! No reason for it yet and he doesn't want to . If my sister in law wanted him overnight as a baby I would massively distance myself from her as I would assume she was either crazy or had a sinister agenda! Not a snowballs chance in hell! Who does it benefit? Not you and not the baby!