My husband has left me I'm devastated

[Lemonsandlemonade]

My husband of ten years and in a relationship with for 20 years has decided tonight that he is no longer in love with me and wants to leave me.

All he can say is that he no longer wants to be with me but loves me. He swears and I believe that there is nobody else.

I have no idea of next steps. We have a mortgage.

we have a beautiful three year old together and now I have to tell him that daddy and mummy no longer are together.

my world is broken.

Omg that's a big shock I hope you are as ok as can be. I'm sorry to say I think he's going to live a life of regret. 30 years together maybe the excitement has gone a bit with a 3 year old around it does it's hard. I'm so sorry. I just hope he comes to his senses he's probably having a crisis of sorts don't wait around for him live your best life let him see your happy with or without him. As for the little one he or she may not understand just yet they'll know something is odd maybe just keep lots of contact and see how it goes this is very raw and he may change his mind in a few weeks. Has anything happened lots of arguments etc ? Sending hugs

Must have been a big shock for you. You'll need time to process it, the practical things can wait a little while.

Sorry no real advice but didnt want to read and not comment. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice from people who have had experience of this in the morning x

Sorry to clarify we have been together for 20 years and married for 10 of the 20.

He said has felt it for a while now - he has been snappy but I thought he was depressed or anxious not that it was me.

I hate myself have very little support in RL

I'm so very sorry to hear this. That is an awful earthquake for anyone to deal with, and you just won't be able to think straight right now. You will find endless support (and advice) on here. Is there someone you can talk to in the morning?

I really feel for you struggling with this alone in the middle of the night

I'm so sorry OP, but it's highly likely there's another woman. They always swear there isn't. Be prepared for "the script" - the rewriting of history which they all do to justify their appalling behaviour.

Oh I see he's already started with the "I've felt like this for some time" lies. So predictable.

Not really DM but she is snowed in on her own and is struggling at present. I can't unburden this on her.

I have work in 5 hours.

I hate myself at moment.

Honestly didn't think this is the case.

I'm sorry OP but they always swear there isn't another woman, until they admit that there is.
It's easier for them.

Where's your husband gone to?

Sending you big hugs .I have been there and it is devastating .
It's very difficult but also a blessing that you have your three year old .
Just deal with the basics of day to day life as best you can for now .
Look after yourself and get angry with him -how dare he treat you like that !!

My husband is here. Sleeping downstairs.

I hate myself have very little support in RL

You've answered my question as to support in real life, and I'm very sorry to hear that, you deserve some.

The self-esteem issues are I guess not going to be helped by any of this. I'm so sorry, I need to go to bed, but if you're really in a low mood the Samaritans are absolutely lovely and provide a sympathetic ear for anyone grappling with emotional struggles which might be a more useful means of support right now than an online forum.

I'm so sorry. I do think there's another woman and be prepared for her not being a recent arrival on the scene. My ex-husband had been seeing someone for years and I didn't suspect anything because he hadn't shown any signs of any unhappiness. In fact he would come home in a really good mood at times. I know now why that was.

You will get through this. It will be really hard but you have to remember now that he is not your friend. Please don't beg him to stay with you. Try to stay a bit cold and formal. The only thing you can keep at the moment is self-respect and you will beat yourself up afterwards if you plead with him to stay.

💐

Honestly there isn't another woman I'm pretty sure of that. I'm not naïve but I know him. I know when he is not truthful.

Thanks for the info re Samaritans. I have thought about ringing.

I hate myself because I want the best for my son and I don't want him adversely affected.

I don't think you should work unless you feel you can especially if you have a stressful job, give yourself a mental health day. I think you should prepare that there could be someone else or potentially he is depressed give it a little time and sit down have a calm chat.

I’m so sorry. This must be such a shock. There is another person involved.

If there is no other woman, commit to some counselling before separating.
You have nothing to lose, might learn some great communication tips regardless of where the relationship is headed and you have invested so many years already.

Could be a depression or something left of field that your husband is dealing with.

Dont hate yourself because your husband is a shit.

He is the one who is making your son upset, not you. You will be the one to help your son through his pain while your ex will stroll off and live his best life. And that is why you are a hero and your ex is a shit.

I know that you dont want it to be true but there will be another woman, sadly there always is.

He is a shit, you are not, And one day you will remember this as the day the trash took itself out. You will grow and blossom and a find a "you" that you never knew existed.

Please trust the word of an 51 year old woman who walked the path you are walking now. You WILL get there, I promise.

All my love xx

Ninety nine out of a 100 men leave for another woman. Has there been any frequent mentioning of a colleague? Has anybody new recently started at work or at some hobby group? Has anybody you know showed signs of a crush on him? Has any friend recently had a relationship breakup? I think he's saying he has felt like this for a while to justify the fact that he has been cheating during that while.

There is nothing wrong with you. This is on him. One of my lovely attractive long-suffering friends was nonplussed to discover who her husband was cheating with because as she quite justifiably said, words like Tubby and dumpy sprung to mind.

Your husband is no longer your best friend or on your side. He does not have you or your son's best interests at heart - or he wouldn't be doing this. Of course he's trotting out that old chestnut about loving you which is quickly followed by saying he is not "in love" with you. You'll notice his first impulse was not to talk to you about the problem or suggest counselling before he blew up your marriage.

Forget counselling. Get legal advice asap. Inquire when he's moving out becsuse he doesn't get to drop a bombshell and then get a good night's sleep on the premises. Don't do his laundry or cook for him or do anything at all for him and certainly don't sleep with him.

I'd phone your mum. I have adult children. I'm always ready to hear about problems and be there. If you were my daughter I'd want to hear, snowed in or not.

@Lemonsandlemonade - you were together for 16/17 years before you had your little one. It’s totally unscientific but I’ve noticed quite a lot of similar threads where a couple have had children after being together a very long time and the relationship collapses. It’s not inevitable of course but I think some men can’t make the transition to no longer being the focus of their partner’s attention.

The truth may well be that he’s too immature and selfish to go through the early years of parenting with you and has had his head turned by a woman without children who’s been giving him lots of attention. Or at least that he can’t take the reality of being a parent.

Sorry you’re going through this, OP. It’s rotten. But it’s not you. This is on him.

He really dropped a bomb on you. That is because he is not a good person, not because you did anything wrong. Just get through this minute by minute. And stop thinking about how your son will e affected. You didn’t choose this and its not your fault.

So he wants to break up his family with a 3 year old because he isn't in love anymore. He's either a teenager or there is someone else.

When couples split the vast majority of men have another woman lined up.

Regardless just get legal advice regarding finances. However much it all hurts and it will for a while but you will survive this is as important as the mental well-being of you and your child.

Never ever beg a man for anything. Don’t try and win him back just concentrate on you and your little one. A few men change when kids come along, they get jealous.

Men are horrible 😔

Arent they just. And whilst seemingly able to make the big moves of breaking a marriage and a family, they're not able to cope with the consequences.

And the incels wonder why we dont want them anymore.

Even the nice ones are arseholes in some shape or form.