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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My wife and I had a very dumb argument. What is her problem?

200 replies

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:36

My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

Other then this dumb argument, we do get along great most of the time.

Recently I got a new job after being laid off for 3 weeks. I was filling out the paper work so I can have this job and like all jobs do, on the application they ask for emergency contact information.

Now in my first job put my mother's phone number but not anymore. Especially now that I am a fully grown adult and don't need anybody.

There are a couple of reasons.

1 I am a grown man. I am very independent and I am also very healthy. I eat well and mostly drink water and work out a lot so there will never be an instance where I am gonna need serious help from others. I can make decisions on my own.

2 in the past, when I had my first job when I was around 17 years of age, my manager at my first Job contacted my emergency contact Wich was my mother but not because there was actually an emergency. They called my mother to talk to her about my performance at work and how I can improve my performance. That caused my mother to lecture me telling me how I need to have a better work ethic and I better not slack at my job and manage my stresses better.
I was caught off guard by that. I quit that job not too long after because I didn't appreciate my manager bringing my work issues to my home.

Now I make sure not to confide in anybody when it comes to my personal stresses, feelings and especially work stresses and headaches. Not my parents, not my wife, not even my best friends.

Now here is how the argument happened, I was filling out the paper work in my home office and as an emergency contact, I put down my text free app's number.

At the same moment, my wife walked in on me and asked me why don't I put her number ?

I told her because I don't feel like it.

She was initially confused and told me that i should put her phone number as my emergency contact just in case something happens to me at my jobs location and I can't make decisions for myself. And she argued saying that she is my wife, she should consider putting her phone number on the application instead of using a random text free number.

I told her that I am grown and I can make decisions of my own and I told her to leave me alone. Being unemployed is already demeaning enough so I dont need her to nag at me. I walked away from her to shut down the argument.

What is my wife's problem? Why does she feel to need to give me grief about something so trivial ?

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 19/11/2024 08:39

You are an idiot if you think just because you live what you consider to be a healthy life that no sort of health emergency or other sort of emergency will happen to you. Drinking water and eating well doesn’t make you immune to this stuff. You should put your wife’s number down.

IkeaJesusWept · 19/11/2024 08:39

If you’re so grown up surely you can see that if you fell and banged your head and needed to go to the hospital they would need some way to let your wife know? You sound about 18. Don’t be an idiot.

ChaosHol1 · 19/11/2024 08:40

Aw grow up for God sake you don't know if or why they might need to contact an emergency contact. They aren't going to contact them in this instance about your performance. They likely did previously because you were under 18. Work needed to contact my husband when I started haemmoreging, also a healthy adult. You sound like a petulant 12 year old not a grown, mature adult man.

dementedpixie · 19/11/2024 08:41

You are very unreasonable and have a weird way of thinking. Don't you think your wife would want to know if something had happened to you?

andweallsingalong · 19/11/2024 08:41

You are totally unreasonable and I would guess your wife's point of view is that you have been very callous in ensuring that if there were an accident or you were taken seriously ill at work she would not know until you failed to arrive home by which point the workplace may have closed leaving her no one to call.

Your last workplace was out of order. That is not what an emergency contact is for. They breached your confidentiality and you should have complained.

CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 08:41

I didn't think 12 year olds could get married.

WhatTheKey · 19/11/2024 08:42

You need A LOT of therapy OP.

JustinThyme · 19/11/2024 08:42

You are a twerp.

5475878237NC · 19/11/2024 08:42

Is this a reverse? There's nothing immature about giving a parent or spouse's details for emergency contact.

Now I make sure not to confide in anybody when it comes to my personal stresses, feelings and especially work stresses and headaches. Not my parents, not my wife, not even my best friends.

^ this is the strangest thing to be proud of and is pretty much the best way to ensure you have mental health problems!

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

IkeaJesusWept · 19/11/2024 08:39

If you’re so grown up surely you can see that if you fell and banged your head and needed to go to the hospital they would need some way to let your wife know? You sound about 18. Don’t be an idiot.

Again, I am grown man. Plus after what happened to me at my first job where my manager called my mom, I am not putting anybody's phone number down because I really don't want other people involved in my personal life struggles.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 19/11/2024 08:43

That has to be one of the maddest things I've heard in a while. Just put your wife's number down, like a normal person

andweallsingalong · 19/11/2024 08:43

And it's not a "dumb argument" your wife is rightly concerned, upset and worried. And you don't care?

Are you in the UK? Data breaches are taken very seriously here.

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

ChaosHol1 · 19/11/2024 08:40

Aw grow up for God sake you don't know if or why they might need to contact an emergency contact. They aren't going to contact them in this instance about your performance. They likely did previously because you were under 18. Work needed to contact my husband when I started haemmoreging, also a healthy adult. You sound like a petulant 12 year old not a grown, mature adult man.

I am grown. That's why I rely on myself only.

OP posts:
Marblesbackagain · 19/11/2024 08:44

Your thought process is very concerning. You appear to be applying cause and effect to a well known situation where it isn't possible.

You could be hit by a car on the premises, involved in a work place accident. The delay in getting information about any possibility of allergies, history etc could impact your recovery.

An employer overstepped at 17, today that 17 year old would sue and win. If you are married you need to give your wife's number. Because you won't be married long if you don't trust her.

GreatTheCat · 19/11/2024 08:45

Eh?

Oneearringlost · 19/11/2024 08:46

Are you reading the replies, OP?

BrunetteHarpy · 19/11/2024 08:46

Oh Lord, it’s you again. The American with the ‘I can’t be vulnerable in my marriage because women will humiliate me if I show weakness’ fetish.

DreamyRedNewt · 19/11/2024 08:46

Your wife hasn't got a problem, you do.
You could drop dead any day (stroke, heart attack, be run over by a car in front of your office...) no matter how healthy you are, how ridiculous. And the'd want to notify your next of kin. Being a grown up has nothing to do with it.

OldTinHat · 19/11/2024 08:46

Tbh, I live alone and my family live some hours away.

I always put N/A when asked for an emergency contact number.

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:47

Marblesbackagain · 19/11/2024 08:44

Your thought process is very concerning. You appear to be applying cause and effect to a well known situation where it isn't possible.

You could be hit by a car on the premises, involved in a work place accident. The delay in getting information about any possibility of allergies, history etc could impact your recovery.

An employer overstepped at 17, today that 17 year old would sue and win. If you are married you need to give your wife's number. Because you won't be married long if you don't trust her.

After what happened at my first job where my manager contacted my mom for non emergency reason, that caused me to be closed off.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 19/11/2024 08:47

Good grief.

Shushquite · 19/11/2024 08:47

Tell your manager you don't consent to them using your emergency contact number unless you become unconscious. For example fall down and hit your head somewhere. Then they will call that person to let them know you gone to the hospital. Simple.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 19/11/2024 08:47

Why bother posting here if you're not going to listen to anyone?

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/11/2024 08:47

Why wouldn't you put your wife as an emergency number.

CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 08:48

Posts like this make me grateful I'm single.