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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My wife and I had a very dumb argument. What is her problem?

200 replies

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:36

My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

Other then this dumb argument, we do get along great most of the time.

Recently I got a new job after being laid off for 3 weeks. I was filling out the paper work so I can have this job and like all jobs do, on the application they ask for emergency contact information.

Now in my first job put my mother's phone number but not anymore. Especially now that I am a fully grown adult and don't need anybody.

There are a couple of reasons.

1 I am a grown man. I am very independent and I am also very healthy. I eat well and mostly drink water and work out a lot so there will never be an instance where I am gonna need serious help from others. I can make decisions on my own.

2 in the past, when I had my first job when I was around 17 years of age, my manager at my first Job contacted my emergency contact Wich was my mother but not because there was actually an emergency. They called my mother to talk to her about my performance at work and how I can improve my performance. That caused my mother to lecture me telling me how I need to have a better work ethic and I better not slack at my job and manage my stresses better.
I was caught off guard by that. I quit that job not too long after because I didn't appreciate my manager bringing my work issues to my home.

Now I make sure not to confide in anybody when it comes to my personal stresses, feelings and especially work stresses and headaches. Not my parents, not my wife, not even my best friends.

Now here is how the argument happened, I was filling out the paper work in my home office and as an emergency contact, I put down my text free app's number.

At the same moment, my wife walked in on me and asked me why don't I put her number ?

I told her because I don't feel like it.

She was initially confused and told me that i should put her phone number as my emergency contact just in case something happens to me at my jobs location and I can't make decisions for myself. And she argued saying that she is my wife, she should consider putting her phone number on the application instead of using a random text free number.

I told her that I am grown and I can make decisions of my own and I told her to leave me alone. Being unemployed is already demeaning enough so I dont need her to nag at me. I walked away from her to shut down the argument.

What is my wife's problem? Why does she feel to need to give me grief about something so trivial ?

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 19/11/2024 08:48

Reads like a reverse to me.

TheChippendenSpook · 19/11/2024 08:48

Cool story

Hoppinggreen · 19/11/2024 08:48

I remember your other post.
You have got serious issues

LittleRedRidingHoody · 19/11/2024 08:48

If you rely on yourself only, why the hell did you get married.

Not putting her number down is very selfish and ultimately wastes everyone's time. People have accidents every day and not having a proper emergency number just means it'll make life more complicated for your poor colleagues dealing with an emergency if it happens, as well as your wife not knowing. I've been there before, trying to call emergency numbers - due to emergencies - and finding it's the colleagues number. It's a shit situation to be in at a very trying time, and when the colleagues recover and come back to work their very feeble in their excuses/apologies. Don't be that person.

weebarra · 19/11/2024 08:48

What happened when you were 17 was wrong.
I am a manager and I've had to phone emergency contacts in the past when there's been, wait for it - an emergency!
Your work have a duty of care and that's part of it.
As for being a grown man and therefore needing to rely on no one, that's nonsense. It's a sign of maturity to be able to talk about feelings, hopes, dreams etc.
You're excluding your poor wife from a whole part of you.

BilboBlaggin · 19/11/2024 08:49

You may be fully grown but you are far, far from mature. You really can't see why a workplace needs an emergency contact who is a human being? Why did you ever get married if you don't need anyone and don't want to share your life?

You sound pathetic, or about 12. You obviously aren't going to listen to reason so you may as well toddle off to your solitary little I-don't-need-anyone world.

BaronessBomburst · 19/11/2024 08:49

This marriage will not last.
The new job could go either way.

Tinytigertail · 19/11/2024 08:49

You may be a grown man but you need to work on your maturity. Things happen, even to young, healthy people. Why would you put the burden on your colleagues to have to try to find your next of kin in case of an emergency? Just put her number down, I can pretty much guarantee that she won't get a call to discuss your performance at work.

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 19/11/2024 08:50

This is very odd.

Oddsquadnumber1 · 19/11/2024 08:50

This is absolutely bonkers. If you're that traumatised by your boss calling your mum you need some help. Your employer isn't going to call your wife to slag you off

EmmaMaria · 19/11/2024 08:50

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

Again, I am grown man. Plus after what happened to me at my first job where my manager called my mom, I am not putting anybody's phone number down because I really don't want other people involved in my personal life struggles.

You seem fixated on being a grown man. You could start acting like one.

BaronessBomburst · 19/11/2024 08:51

Why did you ever get married if you don't need anyone and don't want to share your life?
He wanted a housekeeper and someone to impress.

MissMoneyFairy · 19/11/2024 08:51

What's a text free app number

IcedIcedBaby · 19/11/2024 08:51

Emergency contact numbers are not just for if you have a medical emergency but if something happens on the site (white collar or blue collar) and you are injured. You're right, they're often not mandatory though strongly advised to put it in but it's better to leave it blank than put in a redundant number. Your old manager was wrong to get in touch with your mother even though it was probably because you were still a kid (under 18). Now that you're an adult no modern professional would think of doing that.

Those numbers are kept on a file/or part of a system that managers don't have access to - it will be restricted to HR only. I work in HR software so have a pretty good idea who generally is given system permission to access that info.

Id reconsider putting your wife's number - this is the only way your employers would know to get in touch with her if something ends up happening. The clue is in the name: in case of emergency.

Pumpkinpie1 · 19/11/2024 08:51

OP
Is your post real ? Because you sound incredibly immature.
Your emergency contact when you marry is your wife or husband or the person closest to you.
If you don’t understand that this should be your wife , then your marriage is in trouble.

Horationor · 19/11/2024 08:52

Has your wife finished packing yet - you are a fool.
You may be an adult but you're acting like an idiot. What if you are knocked unconscious .....?

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:52

BaronessBomburst · 19/11/2024 08:51

Why did you ever get married if you don't need anyone and don't want to share your life?
He wanted a housekeeper and someone to impress.

I don't see my wife as a house keeper, I do my own cookings and clean up after myself. I lived alone before meeting my wife so I can totally fend for myself.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 19/11/2024 08:53

Is this for real? You need an emergency contact in case something happens to you. Say you collapse at work (you have an accident or get sick) and they take you to hospital. They need the emergency contact to tell someone what’s happened, where you are, and whether you need anything.

Additionally, your wife’s case she needs to know because she’s your next of kin and if you do end up unconscious in hospital she’s the one who’ll be making decisions about your care. Therefore you’ll want her to get to the hospital asap.

Your first employer misused your number but that should absolutely not put you off making sure your loved one can help you if you need it.

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 19/11/2024 08:53

You seem to want everyone to fawn over you for being so strong and independent, whilst simultaneously being so traumatised because your old boss called your mum.

Pick a personality and stick with it, or, my recommendation would be to get an entirely new personality that makes you a rational human being.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 19/11/2024 08:53

Again, I am grown man. Plus after what happened to me at my first job where my manager called my mom, I am not putting anybody's phone number down because I really don't want other people involved in my personal life struggles.

Firstly, your old workplace was out of order (and weird) so you shouldn't be making life decisions based on that experience.

Secondly, why bother getting married if you don't want anyone involved in your life struggles. That's what marriage is about.

You sound incredibly immature.

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:53

Pumpkinpie1 · 19/11/2024 08:51

OP
Is your post real ? Because you sound incredibly immature.
Your emergency contact when you marry is your wife or husband or the person closest to you.
If you don’t understand that this should be your wife , then your marriage is in trouble.

I'll consider putting my best friends phone number. At least I know they won't lecture me if I have any problems at work.

OP posts:
whydoieven · 19/11/2024 08:54

CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 08:48

Posts like this make me grateful I'm single.

🤣

OP, do whatever you want. You're a free independent person. Surprised you need a wife.

autienotnoughty · 19/11/2024 08:54

So if you had a serious accident or died at work you don't want your wife to be contacted? You understand that that's means unless someone else at work has your wife's contact details they would either have to go to your house or ring the police to contact your wife.

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:55

MayaPinion · 19/11/2024 08:53

Is this for real? You need an emergency contact in case something happens to you. Say you collapse at work (you have an accident or get sick) and they take you to hospital. They need the emergency contact to tell someone what’s happened, where you are, and whether you need anything.

Additionally, your wife’s case she needs to know because she’s your next of kin and if you do end up unconscious in hospital she’s the one who’ll be making decisions about your care. Therefore you’ll want her to get to the hospital asap.

Your first employer misused your number but that should absolutely not put you off making sure your loved one can help you if you need it.

I am not sure how she will handle things if I do get severely sick.

OP posts:
CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 08:55

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:53

I'll consider putting my best friends phone number. At least I know they won't lecture me if I have any problems at work.

This can't be fucking real 🤣🤣🤣

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