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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My wife and I had a very dumb argument. What is her problem?

200 replies

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:36

My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

Other then this dumb argument, we do get along great most of the time.

Recently I got a new job after being laid off for 3 weeks. I was filling out the paper work so I can have this job and like all jobs do, on the application they ask for emergency contact information.

Now in my first job put my mother's phone number but not anymore. Especially now that I am a fully grown adult and don't need anybody.

There are a couple of reasons.

1 I am a grown man. I am very independent and I am also very healthy. I eat well and mostly drink water and work out a lot so there will never be an instance where I am gonna need serious help from others. I can make decisions on my own.

2 in the past, when I had my first job when I was around 17 years of age, my manager at my first Job contacted my emergency contact Wich was my mother but not because there was actually an emergency. They called my mother to talk to her about my performance at work and how I can improve my performance. That caused my mother to lecture me telling me how I need to have a better work ethic and I better not slack at my job and manage my stresses better.
I was caught off guard by that. I quit that job not too long after because I didn't appreciate my manager bringing my work issues to my home.

Now I make sure not to confide in anybody when it comes to my personal stresses, feelings and especially work stresses and headaches. Not my parents, not my wife, not even my best friends.

Now here is how the argument happened, I was filling out the paper work in my home office and as an emergency contact, I put down my text free app's number.

At the same moment, my wife walked in on me and asked me why don't I put her number ?

I told her because I don't feel like it.

She was initially confused and told me that i should put her phone number as my emergency contact just in case something happens to me at my jobs location and I can't make decisions for myself. And she argued saying that she is my wife, she should consider putting her phone number on the application instead of using a random text free number.

I told her that I am grown and I can make decisions of my own and I told her to leave me alone. Being unemployed is already demeaning enough so I dont need her to nag at me. I walked away from her to shut down the argument.

What is my wife's problem? Why does she feel to need to give me grief about something so trivial ?

OP posts:
TheSilkWorm · 19/11/2024 09:02

Is it you again? Get therapy dude

Hoppinggreen · 19/11/2024 09:02

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 19/11/2024 08:56

You don't like your wife very much do you OP?

Edited

It may well be mutual

CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 09:02

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:01

I do not expect my wife to have my back so...

Why the fuck are you married then?

Anotherfrozenpizzafortea · 19/11/2024 09:04

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

I am grown. That's why I rely on myself only.

So if you have an accident at work, and they can't contact ANYONE to give any sort of information to, or get any medical information from, how's that gonna help?

Your first workplace were bang out of order. You should put your wife down as your emergency contact.

Yabvvvu

Weyohweyoh · 19/11/2024 09:04

Your wife is absolutely right and you are being bloody ridiculous.

ArminTamzerian · 19/11/2024 09:04

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:00

Well what if you live in a place where you truly don't have anybody? No friends or family ? What do you ?

This is what being grown is. You don't depend on anybody, you don't rely on other hands to feed you and you generally fend for yourself. When you leave your parents you are alone in the world.

American, right?

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 19/11/2024 09:05

It's all a bit 14-year-old stamping their foot like a toddler while insisting they should be treated like a grown-up...you come across really immature with very strange ideas about relationships. You don't want your wife to be your emergency contact because you don't want to be 'told off'?? Serious mummy issues; you need to sort those out.

Very silly. Or maybe very clever, in which case 8/10.

pictoosh · 19/11/2024 09:05

I don't know what to make of this.

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:05

ArminTamzerian · 19/11/2024 09:04

American, right?

I live In the UK but what does that have to do with anything?

OP posts:
joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:05

ArminTamzerian · 19/11/2024 09:04

American, right?

I live In the UK but what does that have to do with anything?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 19/11/2024 09:06

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

I am grown. That's why I rely on myself only.

Then why did you get married?

TimeForATerf · 19/11/2024 09:06

joel7 · 19/11/2024 08:43

I am grown. That's why I rely on myself only.

cool story bro

CheeryGoose · 19/11/2024 09:06

OMG it's you again! "I Don't Need No Help With Nothing" Guy! Welcome back 🤗 great to see you're just as stunted as the last time.

Bbq1 · 19/11/2024 09:06

romdowa · 19/11/2024 08:56

Your mother lectured you when you were 17 and now you've a complex? This is honestly the most ridiculous thing ive ever read. You need to move on

He's so traumatised by it it must have been recent so I'm guessing he's still only 17.

KoalaCalledKevin · 19/11/2024 09:06

I do not expect my wife to have my back so...

Well then there is a more significant issue than who you put as an emergency number.

Even if you don't expect her to have your back, isn't it just common sense to have her called if you have a medical emergency. And for you to be called if she has one?
Even if you don't support each other at all, just to save her cooking dinner for you if you're actually going to be in surgery... (this is tongue in cheek but seems to be the kind of relationship OP is describing).

Maddy70 · 19/11/2024 09:06

How old are you , you sound like a toddler!

Everyone lists their emergency number as someone to contact in an emergency eg your spouse

Whoever called your mum to discuss your performance broke Data protection rules and i very much doubt it happened

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:06

Bbq1 · 19/11/2024 09:06

He's so traumatised by it it must have been recent so I'm guessing he's still only 17.

I am 31 years old.

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 19/11/2024 09:07

I would hate you as a husband because if your this petty it won't be the only argument. Good luck staying healthy my best friend said that all the time yet dropped dead at work from sudden death syndrome and had no health issues whatsoever, nobody knows when there day will be and quite frankly your childish. Feel so sorry for the wife tho.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 19/11/2024 09:07

What a ridiculous point of view!

Because something happened when you were 17 and you eat healthily, you think you don’t want or need an emergency contact?

My brother was the healthiest, fittest, strongest person I knew, didn’t mean much when he got hit by a car!

Your wife would want to know if anything happened to you, surely you can see that!

romdowa · 19/11/2024 09:07

Bbq1 · 19/11/2024 09:06

He's so traumatised by it it must have been recent so I'm guessing he's still only 17.

If his mother giving him a lecture is the most traumatic thing to happen him then he doesn't know how good he has it.

BunnyLake · 19/11/2024 09:07

You sound, ….. unusual.

CleanShirt · 19/11/2024 09:07

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:06

I am 31 years old.

Start acting like it then. Jesus wept. Your poor wife (if she's real).

gotmychristmasmiracle · 19/11/2024 09:07

That is a rare thing to happen regarding work phoning your mum about performance. I've never actually heard of this before! I can understand your worries but I think your wife should be on the form in case of emergencies. If my other half's work phoned me to talk about his performance I would tell them it's their responsibility to deal with this nothing to do with me. And would strongly advise him to find work elsewhere.

Sugarcoldturkey · 19/11/2024 09:08

OP, based on your posts, you seem to be stuck in a very young mindset.

I'm guessing you would refuse therapy, but is there an older man in your social circle who you respect? Uncle, religious leader, older friend... How about you sit down with them, explain the situation, and get their feedback?

BunnyLake · 19/11/2024 09:08

joel7 · 19/11/2024 09:06

I am 31 years old.

You don’t sound it. You sound incredibly immature.

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