My wife and I had a very dumb argument. What is her problem?

[joel7]

My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

Other then this dumb argument, we do get along great most of the time.

Recently I got a new job after being laid off for 3 weeks. I was filling out the paper work so I can have this job and like all jobs do, on the application they ask for emergency contact information.

Now in my first job put my mother's phone number but not anymore. Especially now that I am a fully grown adult and don't need anybody.

There are a couple of reasons.

1 I am a grown man. I am very independent and I am also very healthy. I eat well and mostly drink water and work out a lot so there will never be an instance where I am gonna need serious help from others. I can make decisions on my own.

2 in the past, when I had my first job when I was around 17 years of age, my manager at my first Job contacted my emergency contact Wich was my mother but not because there was actually an emergency. They called my mother to talk to her about my performance at work and how I can improve my performance. That caused my mother to lecture me telling me how I need to have a better work ethic and I better not slack at my job and manage my stresses better.
I was caught off guard by that. I quit that job not too long after because I didn't appreciate my manager bringing my work issues to my home.

Now I make sure not to confide in anybody when it comes to my personal stresses, feelings and especially work stresses and headaches. Not my parents, not my wife, not even my best friends.

Now here is how the argument happened, I was filling out the paper work in my home office and as an emergency contact, I put down my text free app's number.

At the same moment, my wife walked in on me and asked me why don't I put her number ?

I told her because I don't feel like it.

She was initially confused and told me that i should put her phone number as my emergency contact just in case something happens to me at my jobs location and I can't make decisions for myself. And she argued saying that she is my wife, she should consider putting her phone number on the application instead of using a random text free number.

I told her that I am grown and I can make decisions of my own and I told her to leave me alone. Being unemployed is already demeaning enough so I dont need her to nag at me. I walked away from her to shut down the argument.

What is my wife's problem? Why does she feel to need to give me grief about something so trivial ?

You sound absolutely bloody nuts tbf. See a therapist.

What do you expect to happen if your wife is at work and is knocked down by a car, has a sudden stroke or heart attack, at the super extreme end is involved in a violent incident like a stabbing or shooting. She is unconscious and taken to hospital. Her emergency contact at work is not filled in or is a random number like you've given. How will you find out what happened? She just doesn't come home, you text and no response, you call and her phone is switched off or damaged... what are you going to do? Even if you manage to get in touch with someone she works with, do they know who you are. Her emergency contact information is blank and you could be anyone so they may refuse to talk to you about her.

Emergency contact information is there for a reason.

I think I am starting to get an idea why an emplyer would phone your Mum OP

If you don't want anyone else involved in your life struggles then you should have stayed single FFS.

You seem to think that independent adults will never encounter problems, never get ill or have accidents and never need help! That's utterly ridiculous and untrue.

Your emergency contact is for...... wait for it ..... emergency use only. Not for them to use to bitch about you and criticise you. It is for things like accidents, sudden serious illnesses etc. You're a total fool if you can't see that.

You're married. Put your wife's number down as your emergency contact. My DH and I are each other's emergency contacts. Why wouldn't we be?!!

I wonder who your wife's emergency contact is? I'd be willing to bet it is you because she sounds much more level headed than you.

This is one of those things that is just so unbelievable I'm not sure it can be real. If my husband hadn't listed me as his emergency contact then I wouldn't have known that he'd collapsed and nearly died at work and they had to call an ambulance for him. I would have found out a lot later, if he'd died it meant I wouldn't have got there in time to see him. Luckily, I'm not an idiot so they did have my contact details and I was able to get straight to hospital

okay “grown man” what happens if you have an Aneurism at work (can happen to anyone) or get into a nasty crash on the way to work? If you falls really unwell and your manager can’t contact your poor wife, how will she know how to contact you? Secondly, if you don’t show at work or pick up your phone, how will they let your wife know that you never arrived at work? How would she know what hospital you’re at, or if you passed away?
Thirdly, they won’t be ringing her about your performance. They just won’t be, end of. Your last job was an odd situation, and you should have complained.

If you talk and behave at work like you do here im not surprised your employer called your mum.

Reminds me of line from life of Brian - he's a very naughty boy.

What's your problem more like!
You should put your wife's number down of course!
My husband and I have eachother as emergency contact. We have never needed it but anything can happen, just because you're healthy doesn't mean you can't get injured at work.

This is a wind up. I’m not biting. There are stupid people in the world but no one this stupid.
As if a manager can call your mum these days to complain about your performance 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The only time we’ve ever called an emergency contact is when there has been an EMERGENCY or a person has gone AWOL and we’ve been genuinely concerned for their welfare.
Grow up.

Why did you bother getting married? Some partnership that you wouldn’t put your wife’s name as your emergency contact, I can only imagine how that makes her feel. She’s your next of kin so will make decisions for you if you are incapacitated. Likely your wife is hurt that you want to be alone and grown up and not consider her part of your life, that she might like to know if you are hurt at work.

Unless you are invincible something could happen to you, things happen to people all the time, being arrogant and it won’t happen to me because I’m special isn’t a nice trait and I wouldn’t be impressed if you were my partner. Also perhaps you could try and keep a job/get a job where they don’t think to call your mother if you’re rubbish at it? Not once have you considered your wife might be stressed that you’re unemployed, I think a bit of thinking about someone other than yourself may be in order. And don’t use the word dumb it’s not nice,

Sounds like that same poster who was obsessed with not confiding in his wife again and keeping her at arms length

Both don't seem real either way

Could we take a quick whip ‘round to buy OP’s wife a bus ticket the hell out of whatever backwater she’s trapped in?

That sounds like a good idea, especially if you have a friend who is themselves in a strong relationship.

You could approach it along the lines of "hey, can I buy you a coffee/beer sometime and run something by you? My wife and I are having some difficulties and I think I need an outsider's perspective".

So your wife is at home thinking "I wonder why he is late tonight? Perhaps he's stuck doing overtime."
An hour goes by, she rings..no answer.
Another hour and several more attempts to contact you.
She checks traffic reports, no accidents. Still can't get you.
Starting to panic, she tries to contact your work, but it's shut. She doesn't know any of your colleagues as you obviously don't share this stuff.
She has to call the police and local hospitals till she finds you. She is distressed and worried.

Why would you put her through this!?

I think she'll be okay given she likely doesn't exist.

I was reading it in child voice in my head 😭

It's giving man who posts pictures of Tommy Shelby on Facebook with quotes about being a lone wolf

Oh FFS @joel7 - you sound like you're 12 years old - in fact that's an insult to 12 year olds, they have better critical thinking skills than you.

Your 1st manager ringing up you mum when you were 17 was either because :

1. You were a MINOR
2. Your 1st manager was a prat
3. A mixture of the first 2 points

Managers do NOT call your emergency contact details for performance reviews - just let it go.

I would be pissed off if my DH didn't put me down for the emergency contact because I am his wife and need to know if something shit had happened.

Emergency contacts are just that - in case of emergency.
When I was travelling with work in the Far East, my co-worker was severely ill on a flight (turned out to be a collapsed lung), plane diverted, ambulances on the runway etc. All I had to do was ring work - emergency protocol was kicked in, his wife was flown out the next day ..........BECAUSE THEY HAD HER DETAILS AS SHE WAS THE EMERGENCY CONTACT.

But you know, you do you. You're a 'grown' man.

What happened at the first job was not ideal .. but get over it and get on with life.
You are old enough to understand that most managers would not behave in that manner and contact your emergency number unless you had a serious medical episode at work that needed you going in an ambulance etc.
You need to push the big chip off your shoulder and comprehend why an emergency number is necessary.

You should also be able to trust that your wife would never entertain any inappropriate phone calls from your work place, unlike your mother.
Having said that, your youth back then may have meant that you did not work well and maybe you did not take instruction easily requiring your boss to contact your parents.
Why do you keep losing your job?

honestly, you're being daft.

Your employer who called your mom at 17 absolutely misused that number and had NO right to do that, if that happened today you'd be absolutely within your right to complain to HR, it'd be a serious misuse of information.

The emergency contact should only ever be used if you have a serious accident or fall so ill at work that you're unable to contact home yourself.

My ExH had a very dangerous job and was forever getting injured. The one and only time that his boss had to phone me was the time ExH was knocked unconscious. Every other time ExH called me himself (through 3rd degree burns, slicing himself open and breaking a leg)

Accidents & illness can strike at any given moment & totally without warning. OP you are literally saying if this happened to you & you were incapacitated in hospital you wouldn't want your wife to find out. This is utterly ridiculous & you know it. You will not get through life with this mindset. At some stage in life we will all require help & support so you may as well get used to understanding you are not infallible.

Really ??????

God, even all this talk of 'best friends' from a 31 year old is very school playground. 😂

You're an an idiot. You and your wife are meant to be a team. She is your next of kin. She and only she would be able to make decisions for you when you are unable too. Putting some text service number is ridiculous. If you had an accident they wouldn't be informing her but instead trying to contact a number to noone.