Is he just not that into me?

[Tex111]

Dating for the first time in over 30 years. Been seeing a lovely man for almost six months. He's in Manchester, I'm in London. We see each other most weekends and it's been wonderful. I've fallen in love and the feeling is mutual.

He used to live in London and he said recently that he'd like to catch up with old friends next time he's here since for the last few months he's just been seeing me. I said of course.

He usually stays with me but this weekend he's arranged to stay with friends and is seeing a few people. The thing that I find odd is that he's not going to see me at all. If I was in Manchester, I'd want to see him, even if just for a coffee or a meal. Is that weird or am I being clingy? I

The other element of this is that he's seeing his ex while here. He swears there's no chance of anything untoward happening (they split over a year ago, had a tumultuous two year relationship before that) but he wants to speak to her for some closure as things ended badly between them. I do believe him on this. Is that naive?

I've told him that it hurts that he'll be so close but doesn't want to make the effort to see me. He said he could ring me Sunday and maybe stay here Sunday night, but I don't think he really wants to do that. What does that mean??

@Tex111 Was feeling soppy so I looked at the first messages DP and I exchanged on a dating app. Then noticed that he'd recently updated his profile. Must've been in the last few weeks because I looked at the messages a few weeks ago and his profile was the same then. When we met, he had his location set to London. He's now set it to Manchester.

😳😳😳

Bye Felicia 👋

(He gives narcissistic vibes TBH, he's not looking for a serious relationship but more like 'situationships' with women who will give him lots of attention. I believe you were very convenient as some part time GF living in a different city so he could continue pursuing more 'situationships', typical narc)

And he was probably thinking the same about you. Overall though he’s caused the end of this, and he’s clearly lied to you, he was never in love or seeing something serious. But ultimately now it’s over you’ve both done the same thing.

All that soul searching and love bombing and he's on an app the whole time? What an absolute snake. Hope you've seen him for who he is now and can get out before he causes you any more turmoil. You're not "doing the same" as him at all, he is manipulative and wholly self serving.

I disagree. This man was dating left, right, triangulating her with his ex and gaslighting the OP. Sounds like OP had fell for this con artist but her pink glasses started to fall, she wanted a serious monogamous relationship and he clearly didn't, so no, she's not the bad guy in the story, she was deceived and just wanted a last shag before dumping this con artist. The user was going to be "used" at the end, I don't blame her.

Sorry OP

Sounds like he is just after more material for his next heartbreak multimedia ego art and shagging several more women at the same time

Very little of what he has told you about himself is true

What a cunt and a pillock to risk losing you

He's not worth your time and effort I hope you get more from the next one or ten you deserve better

Did you ask him to clarify before jumping to conclusions?

Expect some very convincing gaslighting 'word salad' from his end... as in "I updated my profile but I'm not looking for dates, just working on another art project where I get to make a collage of female responses to my profile"

Clarify why he updated his old dating profile to the town he lives in when he claims to be in love with the op?

Blindingly obvious isn't it

No, but I texted him about it over an hour ago. He read it almost immediately but hasn't responded.

Also, I know his profile said London around the time I was having my op. I don't have many photos of him and would sometimes look at his profile photos when I was missing him. I did that early October. The only way the location would change is if he changed it. Why would he do that unless he was trying meet other women closer to home?

It can't get any worse, dating six months, you thought you were exclusive but he's been on the app the whole time and brazen enough to update it, knowing you'd probably see it. Still has a tie to an ex too.
I'm surprised you find him attractive to shag one last time, take your pick out there for that, he's not even worth that.

One thing I am becoming wary in life from people who use too much therapy speak. I’ve had therapy and it’s valuable.
But if you look over what this man had said - wanting to get closure from an ex to free up his path, wanting time to process it’s all a tool to manipulate a decent person into giving support for their wellbeing.
I never understand why another person can’t just say - I am dating other people, and I’m not looking for a serious relationship. Why not be honest?
Instead you have a man here, aged 61, causing carnage because he wants to be at the centre of other people’s lives.
Honestly, I’m mid-fifties and it makes me wince.
OP sounds like a fabulous person, this man knows she is going through a terrible divorce, but is clearly working on herself and he comes in and is fully prepared to stamp all over that progress.
I am glad I don’t know what his project is but if it as anywhere near as cringe as that thing Jennifer Lopez released about her and Ben…. it didn’t age well!!!

What a piece of garbage. Honestly he sounds like such a textbook narcissist and I’m guessing his art/performance with the love letters is both shit and cringeworthy. Never in a month of Sundays would I think that people would want to pay and spend their precious time listening to some saccharine bullshit I wrote to my ex. I mean come on! His ego sounds out of this world.

Come on OP you can do SO much better than this utter sad sack.

@Tex111 i have been following your thread but haven’t commented before. It just goes to show as events have started to unfold to always trust your gut.

What a slimy twat. Can’t wait to read his excuse.

Unless I’ve missed something - why he has even got a dating profile on an app if you two were exclusive?

If you need any further closure, a conversation with the ex to get her version of events would probably be enlightening.

Either way I’d be getting an STI check asap.

❤️

Please don’t take this the wrong way OP but I’m actually glad he’s gone too far and finally you’ve seen the reality that he’s a lying gaslighting fake because I felt although you knew that deep down you were struggling to make that final decision.

Do not let him try yo work his way out with another pretentious word salad. Hes not a nice man - he’s a common or garden lying cheat dressing himself up as superior because he’s creative. Twat

Are you using Bumble?
My understanding is that depending on your settings, if you open the app, the location updates automatically. So, if he was opening it, to read your messages, like you were, it would automatically update the location.
Had any info on the profile changed? Photos changed? Or just the location?

@AreWeThereYet69 No, Hinge. His profile always said London before, even when we were messaging in the app and he was in Manchester. He's definitely updated it.

OK. That's really shit.
Sorry. I think you've done the right thing finishing it.
He's not who you thought he was.
He's a player. Better to find out now than waste any more time on him

London is a big place - if he is going to be close to you then yes very strange he is not going to see you. If he is not going to be close then hey maybe its a timing thing.
But I also suspect he is laying down the foundation incase him and his ex get back together.

What a twonk. Don't give him another minute of your time OP!

OP, you sound like a catch, intelligent, together (as much as anyone is after life bumps you a few times), good group of female friends, interested in life, I think he isn't worth all that. I don't think you were wrong to try though, and when your gut told you he was withdrawing, you were correct. Even without the location change, he was creating 'art' to get to be with his ex. That's not ok.

Expect some very convincing gaslighting 'word salad' from his end... as in "I updated my profile but I'm not looking for dates, just working on another art project where I get to make a collage of female responses to my profile"

Nothing would surprise me from this man, he can probably explain anything away in the name of art !

I'm really sorry to read your updates @Tex111

Look after yourself

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about the Manchester update as don't know how it works, but he sounds very annoying! It's like you won't quite get the truth from him at all. He must think he's very attractive and important.