To ask how I approach the issue of 'giving' with him again (sex related)?

[LilacWriter]

Been together for a year. At the beginning he initiated oral sex no problem. Admittedly he wasnt very good at it at first but slowly got better and I had orgasms from it.

But during sex he only initiates fingering and intercourse. I'd say he's more comfortable with fingering and can make me orgasm multiple times in most sessions from this.

But I really love oral (giving and receiving). So I said I'd like him to initiate more instead of always asking him to do it. At first he got the hump, saying why can't I just tell him when I want it and I said it takes the sexiness out of it!

I asked if he doesn't like it, he said 'no, I'm equally happy doing it compared to other things.' But he still has not initiated since that day, although he will go down if I ask. This was around 2 months ago.

I find myself fantasizing about past lovers who went down without prompting and miss the way I felt desired when a man I love does it of his own accord.

He's giving in every other possible way and I want to fix this. How do I approach this again?

I hear you. Many men are so selfish in this respect. Stop automatically giving to him (assuming you do). Its not the same having to ask than spontaneous

How do you feel about it if [trying to put it delicately] you climb up and present him with it?

Make asking him fun? Mine is obsessed with giving and always dives in 🤣 but we both find it a turn on telling/asking the other what to do.

@Zanatdy how do I make him understand this? It's so different on a psychological level for him to just do it.

I also know that while he likes blowjobs he prefers intercourse. I think he'll notice if I stop doing it completely though...

He said he likes it just as much as say, fingering, but he only initiates fingering so this can't be true. Otherwise he'd do both?

You could try whispering in his ear something like “I find it so hot when you go down on me” instead of asking? Then if he does make a fuss about how hot it was that you didn’t have to ask?

Or start a conversation about fantasies and bring it up again?

I admit it bothers me that I brought it up and he's still not doing it!

Should I really have to do these gymnastics to get what feels like a basic sexual need satisfied? Maybe if I ask him or sit on his face every single time at the start he'll get the hint.

I know what you mean. I loathe being touched with dry fingers and did all the demonstrating with lube/sexy asking/just plain asking, and it blew my mind to have at least two partners who needed to be asked everysingletime. And men wonder why their sex lives tank.

He doesn’t like it or can’t be bothered but he refuses to admit that. It won’t change, at least not permanently anyway.

I think he must not like it otherwise he would do it automatically....

The question is: can I put up with this long term?

Sex is a priority for me and cunnilingus is an important part of it. He's pretty much an ideal partner in every other way but it genuinely upsets me that he won't do it unprompted.

What's the rest of the relationship like?

If he's not into it then you can't make him and shouldn't.

Reassess the whole relationship. Is it worth never having your desires met?

Maybe post in the Sex topic. If it still exists. Plenty of eager responders there.

@mumda the rest of the relationship is good. Day to day he's an amazing cook, domestic goddess (man version!) and will run me a bath after a long day with a glass of wine next to it. We have great adventures and talk for hours.

But my concern is life is long. I'm in my early 30s and the idea of never having this need met ever again is something I can't imagine.

For the record, he makes me orgasm multiple times in every session, just not from this unless I ask or sit on his face.

Maybe he just doesn’t like it. I mean if that’s a deal breaker then ok but people don’t tend to do what they don’t like with much enthusiasm 🤷‍♀️

@Whatshallwedowiththedrunkensailor if he doesn't like it, he shouldn't have lied and said he did.

Compatibility is important and partners shouldn't lead each other up the garden path.

There's a reason he initiated it at the start isn't there?

He’s just not into it and that’s ok. I would rather not have someone forced into it if they didn’t want to. Sounds like you cannot live without it so if that’s the case you may have to end things. Better that than forcing him. If we wanted to do it he would. He doesn’t.
Seems a shame when he is great in every other way and you are actually orgasming several times when you have sex but if it means that much to you….

It sounds like he doesn't really like it but because he knows it's so important to you he doesn't want to say so outright.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable expecting him to do something he is making plain, in every way way but verbalising he doesn't really want to do.

It seems a shame if everything else in your relationship is so good, including the rest of your sex life, that you are focusing on this negative. But if you think its worth ending your relationship over that's up to you. Fair enough. Forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do is not right.

He didn’t seem very experienced at the beginning, maybe he was trying to please you and has since realised in fact he DOESN’T like it or having someone ‘sit on his face’.
Everyone has the choice to change their mind about something they no long like to do. Nobody should be forced into it.

@LilacWriter
Is oral some sort of... Obsession?
I can't see the problem with him not doing something he doesn't enjoy whilst satisfying you in other ways.

I can think of quite a few sexual acts I'd rather not do (particularly on the regular) when my partner seems satisfied otherwise with our sex life.

For everyone saying he doesn't it like, the thing is he stated he does and that I should ask.

So I do, and in those moments he does it. Or if ask to go 69 he does it.

He isn't being 'forced' in any way. I know I couldn't live the rest of my life without it.

@QueenCamilla I'm not sure it's an 'obsession'. It's my preferred sex act.

I also used to orgasm from intercourse but this hasn't been possible for a few years so it's more important.

He DOESN’T like it!!! He wants to please you. Otherwise he would do it of his own accord. He is hoping you won’t ask. But you constantly do. Same as a bloke insisting on a blow job… no difference.

This. Honestly, I think you should accept the situation if he's great in all.other aspects. He loves you enough to do it, just doesn't love doing it enough to do it unprompted

I know I couldn't live the rest of my life without it.

If he complies when you ask you won’t have to. This is a tight diamond shoe situation.