To ask how I approach the issue of 'giving' with him again (sex related)?

[LilacWriter]

Been together for a year. At the beginning he initiated oral sex no problem. Admittedly he wasnt very good at it at first but slowly got better and I had orgasms from it.

But during sex he only initiates fingering and intercourse. I'd say he's more comfortable with fingering and can make me orgasm multiple times in most sessions from this.

But I really love oral (giving and receiving). So I said I'd like him to initiate more instead of always asking him to do it. At first he got the hump, saying why can't I just tell him when I want it and I said it takes the sexiness out of it!

I asked if he doesn't like it, he said 'no, I'm equally happy doing it compared to other things.' But he still has not initiated since that day, although he will go down if I ask. This was around 2 months ago.

I find myself fantasizing about past lovers who went down without prompting and miss the way I felt desired when a man I love does it of his own accord.

He's giving in every other possible way and I want to fix this. How do I approach this again?

If you think OP is a troll, you know where the report button is

@PansyPolly

you can find someone’s body attractive without wanting to lick their genitals. The two are not one and the same.

1. you addressed me but quoted someone else
2. did you actually read the post that gannet was responding to, which was about body confidence?

It's not bizarre, what is bizarre is that you ignored the rest of what i said.

He said he likes it but obviously not all the time. If someone asked me if i liked steak for my tea and i said yes i love it i would be pissed off if thats what was offered to me everytime i ate, that would put me off it.

So she's taking what he said literally. People say things all the time and they generally believe what they say but that doesn't mean they can't deviate from that general view from time to time.

OP, I think you are being a little unreasonable here.

Firstly, if you were a man moaning that his partner only gave oral when he asked for it, you’d be getting roasted.

ok now that’s off my chest…..

He says he likes it, it doesn’t mean he really likes it or it might just not be his ‘thing’ - why tell you he likes it and does it when he’s asked? To please you! A lot of men won’t do things they don’t like so you are lucky that your man is selfless in the bedroom.

He might have had a ‘bad experience’ down there with another lover. It might not have been clean or she might have started her period in the midst of it ( sorry just thinking of random scenarios here! ) so reassure him you are clean by having a bath or shower before bed ( I’m not saying you’re not clean btw! )

my ex wouldn’t always shower before bed and she wouldn’t let my mouth go near there before she showered!

😂😂😂

I do agree about communication etc, but I see it from a slightly different angle. I’m sure lots of men would ‘help’ with the laundry and cooking if their wife/girlfriend would only ask. But what the wife/girlfriend wants is to not have to ask, she wants him to look around and do things simply because that’s how their household is run.

Well thanks for that image!

If you are left perpetually slightly hungry, you will think of nothing but food. You will feel ‘hungry’ all the time. You will dream of food. You will dream of toast with butter, and mash and sausages. Nothing too fancy, it’ll be the stuff you miss. This is where you are at now. I know lots of people will think you are crazy to let a good guy go, but ‘good’ for one person isn’t necessarily ‘good’ for you. And the times you don’t think about food? They are the times you feel well nourished with a selection of meals you enjoy.

Plus I want to add there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Feel free to think oral is the best thing about being alive. Just because other people don’t does not invalidate the fact that you do.

Yes, but if it's not happening, it's not unreasonable to have a conversation pointing out you shouldn't have to ask all the time.

Yes but it sounds like she’s already done that. For me, this is ‘nagging him to put his dirty boxers in the laundry bag’ territory. Either he does it, or my interest wanes. I can’t be doing with the thought of begging.

Aaaaand I’m out.

😂

Upthread OP said

I may well give up an otherwise perfect partnership to find an enthusiastic oral sex giver who is shit in other areas.

The sex isn't bad, she does enjoy it. But to the point that oral is so important to her she'd be fine with a crappier relationship as long as she got regular and enthusiastic oral doesn't sit right. It seems kind of self destructive and almost like a sex addiction (I'm not saying OP is a sex addict. But I was married to one and this kind of thinking feels familiar). Surely you'd want a good relationship and the oral if it's so important. It shouldn't be so important that OP thinks a worse relationship overall would be better as long as it involves enthusiastic oral.

OP if this man is as good as you say he is, husband and father material and this is the only issue, with you in your early 30's you'd be MAD to throw him back over this. Good men are extremely hard to find, and if you love him in every other way, and he feels the same about you, he's a keeper.

It sounds like the more he doesn't do it or you asking, the more you want him to do it. Try and take a breather, maybe have a few sessions away from thinking/talking about it. You may find he goes there of his own accord. I would not be trying to browbeat him into it, as that would not end well. Find a way to accept that it may be occasional, rather than every time, and don't catastrophise about it if you don't get it on the other occasions.

That rose sex toy is said to be very similar to oral sex OP but better , maybe try getting one of those ? @LilacWriter

I have actually but that's beside the point.

I'm having the least oral sex I've ever had with a serious partner. BJs aren't always a walk in the park either but it's about pleasuring the person you love.