To ask how I approach the issue of 'giving' with him again (sex related)?

[LilacWriter]

Been together for a year. At the beginning he initiated oral sex no problem. Admittedly he wasnt very good at it at first but slowly got better and I had orgasms from it.

But during sex he only initiates fingering and intercourse. I'd say he's more comfortable with fingering and can make me orgasm multiple times in most sessions from this.

But I really love oral (giving and receiving). So I said I'd like him to initiate more instead of always asking him to do it. At first he got the hump, saying why can't I just tell him when I want it and I said it takes the sexiness out of it!

I asked if he doesn't like it, he said 'no, I'm equally happy doing it compared to other things.' But he still has not initiated since that day, although he will go down if I ask. This was around 2 months ago.

I find myself fantasizing about past lovers who went down without prompting and miss the way I felt desired when a man I love does it of his own accord.

He's giving in every other possible way and I want to fix this. How do I approach this again?

OP, you are asking so many questions here that only he can answer. If you cannot resolve this things will get worse and we will see a similar post in the future.

You really need to have the serious conversation with him and not avoid the direct “why” questions. I’ve said elsewhere on MN that l would not have sex with someone who was not prepared to offer oral. Hence the sharing of my body would be withdrawn if the oral dried up. No oral = no entry, my body my rules.

l enjoy some oral only sessions from time to time, maybe you can suggest this to him?

Well for me, having a huge part of the type of sex you like is a fundamental incompatibility.

But there are men out there who will be as good out of bed, and better in bed.

If the important things are covered, the fact that he’s awful at making coffee or hates making phone calls or whatever doesn’t seem such a sticking point.

The thing is to work out where you can’t or don’t want to compromise, and where you can.

Great rule!

And I know @IAm16StoneHalloween2024 is right too. This is an incompatibility.

When I raised it previously I'm not sure why he didn't take it seriously. And I don't need it or necessarily want it every time - every other time would resolve this. I dread having the conversation again.

On the other hand, another poster said if he thought he was bad at it for so long I should try more positive encouragement first

Thanks for all your advice!

Id say yes. Also you seem to have a lot of anxiety about this sexual act. Like is it really the end of the world if never. I would say it is more exciting to have sex and do acts with a willing partner. Honestly you partner sounds like he loves you and wants you but doesn't really like the act. heaps of people have told you that but you fight with everyone that does. Im wondering why come on here and ask? You know the answer he doesn't like it but loves you enough to do it.