To ask how I approach the issue of 'giving' with him again (sex related)?

[LilacWriter]

Been together for a year. At the beginning he initiated oral sex no problem. Admittedly he wasnt very good at it at first but slowly got better and I had orgasms from it.

But during sex he only initiates fingering and intercourse. I'd say he's more comfortable with fingering and can make me orgasm multiple times in most sessions from this.

But I really love oral (giving and receiving). So I said I'd like him to initiate more instead of always asking him to do it. At first he got the hump, saying why can't I just tell him when I want it and I said it takes the sexiness out of it!

I asked if he doesn't like it, he said 'no, I'm equally happy doing it compared to other things.' But he still has not initiated since that day, although he will go down if I ask. This was around 2 months ago.

I find myself fantasizing about past lovers who went down without prompting and miss the way I felt desired when a man I love does it of his own accord.

He's giving in every other possible way and I want to fix this. How do I approach this again?

Ok.. I can see that might be an issue. It truly isn't for me but I don't want to deny that other women might feel that!

He probably doesn’t like it much.

If you need to keep asking, he just doesn't like it. If the roles were reversed, MN would be saying he is pestering you. He doesn't respect your boundaries, etc.

You shouldn't have to ask him to do it, if he wanted to do it, he would.
Stop.asking.him.
He shouldn't have to feel like he has to go down on you if he doesn't like it, he should feel able to communicate that he doesn't want to, but I suspect he would feel like you'd leave him otherwise 🙄

I’d honestly tell him this. Tell him all the ways in which your relationship is great and that you appreciate him, then say this one thing makes you concerned that you’ll be compromising forever as it’s important to you.

I’d agree with others that he doesn’t actively like doing it. If he’s putting it on a par with fingering (which isn’t really giving him anything other than an achey wrist ) then he sees it as purely for your pleasure.

My DP is the opposite and loves doing it, and is sad when I don’t want him to, as he actively gets pleasure from being down there, but your guy clearly doesn’t get what’s in it for him. He needs it spelling out that if he’s going to do it (ie, you’re not forcing him to something against his will) that you’d enjoy it more if it was spontaneous.

Do you want him to do it , if he doesn't want to ?
You have said how you feel
And nothing has changed.
What if it was something,
he asked you to do ,.....but you weren't keen ..
should he keep on pestering you ,untill you do what he wants .???
I'm not saying you are pestering him ,I'm just using that word as an example.
No one owes anyone sex ,or any particular part of sex.
Like the man on the other sex thread running currently.....
You have to decide if you can live with this ,you don't have to stay with him ,and the man on the other sex thread , doesn't need to stay with his wife either .
You could try again explaining how you feel ...but then you might think he was doing it , because you asked ,not because he wanted to ...that would put me off .

Faking x

But he IS doing it. OP isn’t forcing him or coercing him, she’s asking him and he’s agreeing.

I know that my DP loves a BJ, I don’t wait to be asked. It’s an automatic part of our time together. I wouldn’t let him do all the things to me and then wait until he asked me to go down on him.

Could you imagine if a man came on here moaning because their partner wouldn't go down on him. Double standards.He doesn't like it, my dh doesn't particularly only now and again the same with me. It doesn't define our relationship and I wouldnt pressure someone to do something they don't want to do.

Knowing he doesn’t enjoy it but asking anyway because “at least I still get” is slightly creepy.

You are relying on him feeling pressured into it to get what you want. This would very far from ok if it was him pressuring for a blow job.

I don’t think it’s helpful for people to keep posting “ what if it was a man demanding blow jobs” like it’s a direct equivalent. It’s not. Men and women have very different experiences and attitudes to sex and their bodies, both physically and socially so it’s not directly comparable. I remember being a teenager and all the nasty schoolyard crap about girls smelling of fish etc- we probably feel more bothered if a man doesn’t actively seem to want to be up close and personal with our genitalia than they would.
Its also much more difficult for women to have orgasms from piv, and we should in no way feel grateful when we do get there with a man, since they generally get there every time no matter what!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with deciding you can’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs. You are young OP and if it matters to you, it matters. I just don’t think there’s any value in pushing the issue with him as it sounds like he’s not that into it, so that’s what I meant about enthusiastic consent- there’s nothing to be gained for anyone if it’s not truly mutual.

Also, in real life, men DO quite often force sex acts on women and most women have some experience of this.It very very rarely happens the other way round. Women are not known for sexually assaulting men.

It seems to me, there needs to be some communication. Either he lied about liking it, or you need to be clearer that you don't want to have to prompt for it every time.

Do you take everything he says literally. Just because he said he likes it doesn't mean he wants it every time you have sex with him.

Maybe its the way you write but your posts come across as "He said he likes it so he'll damn well do it" TBH if someone took that attitude to me i'd tell them to GFY, especially if it was about sex.

“Do you take everything he says literally?”

That is quite a bizarre statement. It seems like OP raised this gently and got the response that he did like doing it. Why shouldn’t she believe him?

OP, I think it is perhaps worth another conversation with him, specifically saying that you would rather know if he doesn’t like it, as you don’t want him to feel under pressure.

Would you say this about a women who do t like giving blow jobs?

He might be happy to do it but it doesn't mean he likes it OP. Some women are happy to give a blow job but it doesn't mean they enjoy doing it.

You'll have to decide whether having to ask is a deal breaker or not.

I think what I don't understand is that dissatisfaction over one sex act is enough to derail the whole relationship for OP.
If he were coercing her to do something she didn't want to do. Or he was outright refusing to do something she wanted just out of badness then I could see where she was coming from. But to rubbish everything because he is not willing to enthusiastically participate in a particular sex act makes OP's attitude to relationship's really distorted.

I know what you mean OP. I want a man to want to do things because he likes them. If I have to ask it’s like another chore isn’t it? I split up with someone for this very reason. No regrets.

This line of thinking has honestly never crossed my mind. I assume if they've got all the way to a bed with me then they're into my body.

@LilacWriter

he obviously isn’t really into it OP @LilacWriter
as is his prerogative

I think if he liked it, you wouldn't need to prompt him every time.

Blokes that like giving generally head there of their own accord.

And now this is where I am.

Is this a break up offence when the rest is good?

Had a few judgemental comments about I have a skewed view of relationships if I'd give up a good thing over this. I'm not sure what to say to that. All I know is it is one of my favourite parts of sex and frankly of being alive, and the idea of never doing it again id upsetting.

You can end a relationship for any reason or none. It is enough that the relationship isn’t right for you, whether that’s because he’s got a secret criminal record or you don’t like the way he eats cornflakes.

It’s your life, do what makes you happy!

Hahaha imagine a man coming on here and posting the exact same thing, people would NOT be giving suggestions on how to persuade his partner to give him oral sex.

OP, for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to do it. You either decide whether it’s a dealbreaker or you accept it for what it is. Simple as really